Exactly What Happened?
by Sprouty
Summary: A G/d fan fic. Written with love always. This story has found it's ending! thanks all reviewers. And Happy Experience is the Teacher 1 year anniversary!!
1. Missing links

Disclaimer - none on cited characters owned by me- belonging to series O&A /any excerpts in ""sources litery or music lyrics have tried to reference sources.. thanks   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: Missing Links   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mechanically she passed a napkin. Looking up she found he was looking elsewhere at the others -his cast. Had his eyes always been that blue ,because she had never noticed. Eyes that read her like a book - saw things she tried to hide. How old could he be..35 maybe 40. His tie..God it was brilliantly yellow. Suddenly he seemed very human.  
  
  
  
"And its only love..that can break a human being & turn him inside out...." Heart like a Wheel . What was his story? Amazed she realized she wanted very much to know.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Excerpt from What you need to know....  
  
  
he said he would never let me fall ...and then to prove his point he kicked my feet out from under me- falling into his arms so easily.  
  
I still love him as much as i did that day when it just hit me like an unexpected blow. I don't know how it happened ;one day he was nothing in my life just a flicker and in a moment that changed forever. It was like something clicked a light on and i was frozen in disbelief. I loved this man who i didn't even know.  
  
  
  
  
  
Across the room Dimitri stood lost in thought. A blank expression on his face. His face a moving picture ,more often than not , it was capable at times of showing so many truths -but he never realized that.  
  
  
Grace had moved away from Lily now as Rick had entered and joined them at the table. Grace crossed the room moving through the other students to reach the stereo and scattered cds. Ah the Goo Goo Dolls:  
  
  
  
  
"I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose ,tossed along the way  
Letters that you never meant to send, lost or thrown away....  
You could hide beside me maybe for a while  
And i won't tell no one your dream   
I won't tell them your name"  
  
  
  
  
She had wanted to taste his wine! He stopped himself -Don't even think of the symbolism.  
  
  
  
Dimitri's eyes flicked , caught her movement and followed her. Only Jessie noticed as he walked with an unrealized purpose towards the stereo. Jessie dismissed the thought - Grace was always the favorite. Jessie wondered where was Eli.   
  
  
  
Dimitri- (with a small smile) Ah, music the modern poets vehicle. What is Shakespeare when you can have Incubus. So have you have a decison ?  
He leans in to sort through cd pile. Shoulder accidently brushing shoulder . Accidently on purpose ?   
Grace- I think I have....  
She is cut off.  
  
  
Eli and Jessie together approach.   
Eli- Let me see ...  
  
  
His arm goes between Grace and Dimitri to pick up a disc. Dimitri backed away to observe the scene with honest interest. The actors without scripts what would they say.  
  
  
Eli -I think i've got it. Rick Springfield- Jessie's Girl...   
  
  
  
"I play along with the charade ..that doesn't seem to be a reason to change "  
  
  
  
  
  
Eli grabs his sister and laughing they head for a group of students in distance.  
  
  
  
With seeming absentmind he pushed a cup- his cup towards her.  
-Would you like a drink? I mean...  
The question hung in the air . In her eyes he saw confusion then acceptance . A conspiratory smile. She took the cup.  
-Thank you  
Suddenly his mind was filled with thoughts - what was happening all so alarmingly fast .He turned to leave.  
-Fair Rosalind.  
  
  
  
  
That night before sleep his thoughts again returned to the stage. He was relieved -proud of the courage- the effort shown by them all and the play a hard-earned success. If only I could bear my soul like that. Drifting he began to think of words- emotions ..fleeting thoughts and possibilities of capture by the pen. Last he remembered her eyes- so sad ...an ideal .. true emotion captured in memory.  
  
  
"There is no truth in him .." he heard the words.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In the next 2 weeks that followed before the Holiday break in classes ..several writing projects assigned and handed in.  
No mention of the Musician anymore.  
A new intruding character appeared ..the Queen.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
To be continued .. 


	2. The Space Between

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE AUTHOR OF -REUNIFICATION- I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ.  
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE REVIEW ..FEEDBACK WOULD BE HELPFUL.I CAN TAKE CRITISISM AND OPEN TO SUGGESTION.  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: GRACE DOESN'T GET ANYMORE WINE IN THIS CHAPTER..BUT THINGS DO GET FRIENDLY (NOT THE WAY THAT SOUNDS ). THIS IS MY VERSION OF POSSIBLE EVENTS LEADING UP TO GSA. READ AWAY.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE SPACE BETWEEN   
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.D - And finally everyone for tomorrow please read The Turn of the Screw. I'll be expecting some insightful feedback and lots of questions on this one. I expect everyone (emphasis on that word & said with sarcasm ) to come prepared to participate . So thank you.  
  
  
Grace listened and with her head tilted down made a note of required reading. She looked up just as Mr.Dimitri finished talking. He had been leaning against his desk with arms animately gesturing- trying , all though each day it seemed to get harder to make the effort , to create some enthusiasm among the blank stares of the majority. This was a familiar pose for him. Grace smiled, just hearing his voice ,it was like the tone the infliction of it ...... Every word he said meant something ,you could tell that and he way he chose to say it well thought-out. Hadn't he said " Everything means something" and no thought and action is ever without result. No actions is ever really lost. The smile expanded as she focused on the cleft in his chin.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The collective everyone begin shuffling papers, talking , rising and gradually the group thined. Mr.Dimitri moved to sit at his desk, pushing a lock of red hair aside -tucking it behind the ear. He started to look for something. Grace seizing the opportunity approached and launched into speech:  
  
  
  
G- I was wondering....I mean you may not even remember but a while back ,when we were doing the play you mentioned Emily Dickinson. (Ackwardly) I guess it sort of inspired me you know to read some of her stuff ....(with gaining confidence ) and it's good. But I also have some questions. I don't know if you would mind...  
  
  
He cut her off.  
  
  
A.D- Of course. Right now I have a class coming but if you have a free period or even after school come by and I'll be here and I'll try my best.  
  
  
A self depreciating smile.  
  
  
A few students started to enter the classroom ..grade nine. She didn't know any of the faces. Dimitri smiled at her and started to look towards the door watching them enter. Grace put her backpack on his desk and hurriedly began looking through one of the pockets. She removed a paper folded in a square and handed it to Mr.Dimitri.  
  
  
  
G- Here. Whenever you have time it's about this. I'll see you later..I can't be late for my next class.  
  
  
  
He took the paper and placed it on his desk near coffee thermos -unopened. He watched her leave.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A computer printout..  
  
  
  
  
  
EMILY DICKINSON  
  
  
I Dwell in Possibility  
  
  
I Dwell in Possibility-  
A fairer House than Prose  
More numerous of Windows-  
Superior- for Doors-  
  
Of Chambers as the Cedars-  
Impregnable of Eye-  
And for an Everlasting Roof-  
The Gambrels of the Sky-  
  
Of Visitors- the fairest-  
For Occupation-This-  
The spreading wide of narrow Hands  
To gather Paradis-  
  
  
  
And at the bottom in writing he recognized so very well.   
Possibility impregnable of eye?   
Doors? When only possibility there is still an escape route ,but as reality written in prose fewer doors.  
Windows? Optional choice of perspective.  
Visitors? Can you really choose.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He refolded the paper, she was certainly mysterious- cryptic even. He wanted to hear explanations and her answers ... He had had an appointment planned for after school. He was supposed to met Chris for dinner- she was in town again for weekend ,some kind of conference , thinking...... he thought well that was not until 5:30 there was time. Suddenly he found his mood had improved and he was looking forward to seeing her again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He waited and she never came.  
  
  
He wondered why. He knew in the back of his mind though he would not ask her. Some questions we keep, some we throw away in a game of fetch hoping the answers we need are returned. He slowing packed up his leather bag and left the room.  
  
Outside walking to his car -reserved parking 122. He passed student parklot....it was slightly out of the way but not much. He casually looked. He knew she drove her mother's veh to school sometimes. A dark coloured Ford explorer wasn't it? Nothing.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************~  
  
  
Manning/Sammler Manor  
  
  
  
G- Mom I didn't know you were planning on picking me up.  
She is sitting at table ( 2 tables actually pushed together to form one...in a way a parallel to 2 families now one- touching yet still each also having there own identities) and leafing through a magazine.  
  
  
Lily's getting dishes out and preparing to work on dinner. No take-out tonight.   
  
  
L- Well I was in the neighbourhood. I was surprised to find you still there at 3:30 though I thought you would have raced away. I know that's what Jessie....  
  
  
G- Actually I had some questions about an assignment and was going to ask Mr.Dimitri ( slight hesitation here ) ,but no big thing it can wait until tomorrow.  
  
  
L- Oh. Ok then ..unless you want me to try and that a look at it Gracie. I have been known to have answers you know (jokingly).  
  
  
G- No it's ok. ( More quietly )You wouldn't understand.  
  
  
She gets up and leaves room.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**********************~   
  
  
ZOE'S RESTAURANT  
  
  
  
At a table for two August Dimitri is sitting with a dark haired woman. Some sort of pasta salads are half eaten on the table.  
  
  
  
Chris- ...and then I thought Gus would love that! (Laughter )  
  
  
  
No response. August had a rather blank look on his face ..he was thinking. Chris took his silence for something else. She never could understand him- he was funny and charming, sweet even but always something eluded her. A very complex man. She reflected he had been sort of off all evening and even at one point when he had not realized she was looking, an unguarded moment , angry. She wondered why. People always wondered about August Dimitri once they knew him for a while , he gave every appearance of openess and was a great friend but you never felt you actually knew him. And you really wanted to.  
  
  
  
A.D- Do you remember studying Emily Dickinson in college?  
  
  
Chris- Sure, I guess. I remember a lot of things. But I was never crazy about her, I always thought she was too weak ,pathetic even and her writing lacked clarity. She lived her life scared and of what. "Nothing to fear but fear itself" right ?  
  
  
D- I think that was why I liked her most..her strength. I mean it's easy to say confidence and strength are beautiful and they are I'm not denying that. But strength isn't always found where you expect it to be. That's why I liked Dickinson, it was harder for her because she felt things so much but still was brave enough to put her thoughts and opinions out in the world to be judged. And as for clarity if you mean no clear end and beginning, well I'll concede that point....but what is an ending to something is almost always the beginning of something new.  
  
  
  
Dimitri w small smile looks down and pitchs fork into piece of lettuce. He looks up and gives Chris larger smile and hint of laugh.  
  
  
Chris - You'll never guess who I saw at this club last week . Jim and wait till I tell you who he was with.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*************************~   
  
  
  
That night he read her words: A short story (one she had given him shortly after Christmas break) Titled Pictures:  
  
  
  
  
The Queen was always right, yet she failed in everything to see the truths before her. The Queen was blind. Once she had seen with eyes so comforting but now her vision was rapidly failing. Still a fear lingers that the cataracts will clear , as it has been said that will happen in a few years and now there are new secrets to hide. Let her eyes be blind just a short time longer , please. Or do we ever know what we really want. Maybe the impairment is already one of choice. Do we get to choose what we hide or is it never a choice. Sometimes what we know to be true don't we push it away - a safety net- by pushing knowledge into a subconscious. Safely tucked away to open and examine years later when what is hidden holds no pain.  
  
  
  
  
He stopped reading. Picking up a pen he wrote on last page of story his critique. He analysed use of voice , grammar etc all the things as a teacher he learned to do with no effort.   
  
  
  
Then he wrote , Grace- You asked sometime ago about stories for extra credit..here is a challenge. Read and review the following. 500 words -what does it mean?  
Mean to you..not what you think I want to hear.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Woodstock by Joni Mitchell  
  
  
  
I came upon a child of God  
He was walking along the road  
And I asked him, where are you going  
And this he told me.....  
  
Chorus   
  
Then can I walk beside you  
I have come here to lose the smog  
And I feel to be a cog in the something burning  
Well maybe it is just the time of the year  
Or maybe it's the time of man  
I don't know who I am  
But life is for learning  
  
Chorus   
We are stardust  
We are golden  
And we've got to get ourselves   
Back to the garden  
  
By the time we got to Woodstock  
We were half a million strong  
And everwhere there was song and celebration  
And I dreamed I saw the bombers  
Riding shotgun in the sky  
And they were turning into butterflies   
Above our nation  
  
Chorus  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He was about to sign August. He stopped ..signed Mr.Dimitri.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************~  
  
  
  
Next day in class when he passed back to students corrected work he also gave Grace her story. She turned as he knew she would to last page. It was not what she had expected he could tell....she frowned perplexed.  
  
The Bell rang.  
  
He had expected her to stop and talk but she did not , she left with the others. He had expected at least an explanation or apology about yesterday's no show. Grace was good at apologies he remembered.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On Lunch hour he was not disappointed. He was listening to walkman- Pulp Fiction soundtrack. He just rediscovered the movie again when it aired 2 or 3 days earlier on TMN. Urge Overkill he liked that music.. kind of funky;  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You never get tired of putting me down  
and I never know when I come around...what I'm gonna find  
Don't let them make up your mind "  
  
  
  
  
  
He remembered scene where John Travolta character phoned Lance. And Lance "Are you calling me from a cell phone ... I don't know who this is".  
  
  
He laughed out loud.  
  
  
Grace entering the classroom asked - What's so funny?   
Seeing he was alone that is.  
  
  
A.D- Nothing, I was just thinking of something I saw recently...(he noticed expectant look ,she was waiting for him to continue).... a movie actually. I do actually have a life you know and occasionally they let me out of school.  
  
  
G- What movie? (said very much like Rick in EitT)  
  
  
D- Pulp Fiction   
  
  
G- Yea, I've seen that ..it was confusing but very cool. No one ever knows who I mean when I say my favorite character was Lance....he only had bit part so no one thinks of him much after movie ends. But ...  
  
  
D- I know Lance.   
  
  
He laughs and lets her in one earlier joke. They both laugh.  
  
  
G- I should go I was supposed to meet Lisa for lunch. I just wanted to talk about..(she stops ) actually you know what I can come back later if that's alright?   
  
  
D- Ok, after school.  
  
  
G- I'll be there.  
  
  
  
  
  
Turning she walked towards door. August is still looking after her. She turned back at doorway and gave him a smile and slight laugh.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
To be continued..... 


	3. The Man in a Shell

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE AUTHOR OF -REUNIFICATION- I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ.  
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE REVIEW ..FEEDBACK WOULD BE HELPFUL.I CAN TAKE CRITICISM AND OPEN TO SUGGESTION. FEEDBACK PLEASE !!! NEED HELP WITH DIRECTION TO TAKE THIS..GETTING CLOSE TO GSA EPISODE AND PLAN ON CONTINUING PAST EITT.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: FRAGMENTS..PIECES OF MISSING TIME/LOST EPISODES MAYBE?   
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE MAN IN A SHELL  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lunch hour.  
  
  
August Dimitri bent down feeling for his Rubbermade lunchmate plastic square and finding it. A stack of papers lay ready on the desk for correction..another working lunch. He adjusted his tie ever so slightly loosening it and looking up he found he was no longer alone. Grace walking past in the hall had seen a glimmer of red hair at the desk and entered. A smile spread across his face, as it always did however involuntarily.   
  
  
  
  
A.D- Hey..  
  
  
G- I'm not interupting you am I? I just thought maybe if you had time you could look at one of my stories , it's new and..  
  
  
D- Certainly.   
  
  
  
  
  
With a movement of the arm he gestured for her to come in. Over in the corner by the window there was a second wooden chair on rollers very much like his own. He rose to get it and swung it up to the desk.   
  
  
  
  
  
D- There we go. Now where is this next promised installement of the Grace files (jokingly) and do I need to be sitting for this one?  
  
  
  
  
He had become rather used to Grace's unexpected entrances and exits in his life. In the beginning it had been just another required duty. Or had it ever been that? But the more the frequency the more he found he came to anticipate them. He had always acknowledged the attraction from the first- now analyzed, evaluated and safely directed. A square peg in a round hole maybe, but the role of mentor fit it had to. Like had found like. With a laugh and smirk Grace put her backpack on the chair and produced the story.  
  
  
  
  
G- It's long but once I got writing I just couldn't stop I guess.  
  
  
D- Hmm ....and isn't that our goal?  
  
  
  
  
Dimitri had moved back behind his desk. He picked up his Rubbermaid and thermos and moved them around to other side of desk , pushing his chair at same time over to sit on same side as Grace.   
  
  
  
D- Are you staying? Because I do like to hear the explanations from the writer directly. It intrigues me you know why this decision was made to go this way and at this time and not another...  
  
  
G- Well if that's an invitation...or is it a challenge.  
  
  
D- Maybe both.  
  
  
  
  
  
He read her story. What you Need to Know. It was good. It was written in a modern style a departure from some of her other work and the effort, the lack of familiarity evident. Unpolished ...  
  
  
  
  
G- It's good. What is it?  
  
  
  
  
The question interupted his train of thought. Intruding, challenging,demanding acknowledgement not unlike the speaker.   
  
  
  
  
D- Hmmm...The story you mean?  
  
G- No the cheese (raising her hand to show a piece of white cheese). I mean I hope you don't mind.  
  
D- No I'm sorry I should have realized you're missing your lunch. Please help yourself. It's Edna -South American I think. It has bite but I like it.  
  
  
  
  
  
She watched as he read. Two small creases began to form on his brow between the eyebrows.  
  
  
  
  
G- I know that it isn't what I wanted to make it...  
  
D- No story ever is.[ Sighs and stands shaking the pages] But this.. it's a machine. It creaks. It never made me forget for one instant that it was a story. So it isn't a story.  
  
G-[Standing up defensively] I was trying to write something very true to life.  
  
D- And that's why it fails. You see Grace, we all see life through an illusion- even the most disillusioned of us. That's why things aren't convincing if they're too true to life..   
  
  
  
He had started to move closer but stopped realizing she was no longer listening. Her eyes were hurt..she looked downwards and looking back up the eyes were now decided. Fascinated he watched.  
  
  
  
G- It's just. It's like when I write I feel something - something that's beyond words- any word ,all words and it always seems to escape when I try to grasp it. [Slowly ,thinking] But at the same time it's like it leaves something [ she reached to touch his hand] in your hand that you wouldn't have had if you hadn't reached for it.  
  
He averted his eyes, his eyes so very blue. Slowly words formed.  
  
D- I know...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A woman entered the class room. Mid thirties. A blond(dye job?). A collegue, a teacher.   
  
  
  
-August I didn't see you in the staff room and I waited especially....[she stopped seeing Grace]  
  
  
Grace quickly stepped back and Dimitri also.  
  
  
G- I should go ....I mean I need to go to my locker ...   
  
  
Quickly she left.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~********************~  
  
  
  
  
That night he reread the story. His feet up on the coffetable and Paul Simon playing in the background.  
  
  
  
"Get back on the bus Gus  
Don't need to discuss much  
Make a new plan Stan.."  
  
  
  
Yes the initial feeling was still there. He went to critique it -writing quickly thoughts flowing for half a page then stopping. The pen hovered at the end . It couldn't be Mr.Dimitri it seemed too formal somehow, but August? No never August. He left it blank. No signature this time. It wasn't needed..not yet.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************~  
  
  
  
The Next Day..Second period  
  
  
  
  
  
Mr.Dimitri read aloud from Henry James. Leaning against the desk book in hand:  
  
  
  
"So we circled about with terrors and scruples like fighters not daring to close. But it was for each other we feared. That kept us a little longer suspended and unbruised."  
  
  
  
D- Now what is it here that the narrator means. What does he fear for himself and Miles? [the question lingered ..unanswered ] Anyone?  
  
  
  
  
Mercifully the bell rang. He started to look in his satchel. Running his fingers through his hair pushing it back. Backpacks zipped, talking- some laughing until only 2 or 3 students remained. Alexa of course was still there he noticed..she always took her time. And the essays.....Good God it made him laugh to himself. Always references to illicite relations with figure of authority- although never teachers ..no that would be too much. Subtlety thy name is Alexa. This time the chuckle escaped him. Grace still there looked up. Alexa's eyes narrowed. He suddenly felt the need for action and with a finger indicated to Grace to come over.   
  
  
  
  
D- Grace I have your paper. Take a look at my suggestions and get back to me. There's a lot of ways you could go with this but hear me when I say it's not without promise.  
  
G- I don't need you to lie to me. I mean if you don't like it fine. I never have been porcelain have I [She reached for her paper].  
  
D- (Abruptly] Grace.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***********************~  
  
  
  
  
All day it bothered her though. She had read the comments and they were not bad- constructive even. She had never liked leaving things unresolved and too many things in her life were already filed in that folder. And it couldn't be like that, not with him. After classes ended for the day she went back to find him.  
  
  
  
  
He had already locked up the class and was heading down the hall. With a look and intake of breath they fell to walking in step.  
  
  
  
  
D- Grace ,have you ever read the Glass Menagerie? It's a play by Tenessee Williams and the whole thing is centered on a memory.   
  
G- I don't think I've read it. I thought you always lectured to avoid stories of memory and stick to facts. Referenced and supported facts at that [ with a laugh].  
  
D- Maybe sometimes I don't always realize what it is I'm saying.  
  
  
  
  
They had reached the auditorium. The door to back stage. The lights were dim only I ray of light clearly visible.  
  
  
  
  
D- My records. I never did pick them up after the play. [ Smiling ] I never did quite convert you to Linda did I ?  
  
G- [ with larger smile] I don't know. Maybe. Somethings grow on you after a while. I still remember it you know.  
  
D- Remember what ?  
  
  
  
She started to sing. He froze. And standing there the light striking her hair she sang. It was different from the play..a different voice and yet the same. A woman not a girl? He realized he had stopped breathing- breath damn it breath. Beautiful.   
  
  
  
"But I can't understand please God hold my hand  
Why didn't you look after me  
And it's only love, and it's only love..  
  
  
  
When he said nothing- she stopped.  
  
  
  
  
G- I know I'm no Jessie.  
  
D- (Angry) Why is it always Jessie. When you look at someone is it always in comparison to something else. I'll tell you what when I look at someone ...when I look at you- It's only you I see.  
  
G- Oh...  
  
She looked at him oddly then and turned abruptly to present him with her profile.  
  
G- I see , I mean I was silly not to have seen it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*****************~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
That night driving home. Chris Isaak.  
  
  
"I know somebody and they cry for you  
they lie awake at night and dream of you  
i bet you never even know they do  
but Somebody's crying  
  
i know somebody and they call your name  
a million times and still you never came  
...somebody's trying."  
  
  
  
  
The tears flowed. 


	4. Into the Traffic Change

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE AUTHOR OF -REUNIFICATION- I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ.  
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE REVIEW ..FEEDBACK!!!! MUST HAVE FEEDBACK!!!!PLAN ON CONTINUING PAST EITT.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: I'M SKIPPING CHAPTER OF GSA BECAUSE HELL SHOW IS ALREADY SO WELL WRITTEN WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HOPE TO ADD....BUT MY FAN FIC CONTINUES AFTER GSA AND FOCUSES ON ALLIANCE MEETINGS. CAN'T WAIT FOR AFTER EITT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HAVE SOME IDEAS...... MAY CHANGE RATING AT THAT POINT ;D  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
INTO THE TRAFFIC CHANGE   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ever since that time in the car....was there any other way to describe it ? Things had changed . The shell was cracked . Damaged and the fraility of the man inside exposed? Not yet. Damaged goods. No words were ever exchanged about that day - but sometimes words aren't needed as actions speak louder than words. The silence screamed. The memory played over and over again. Like a 45 record with all the scratchs -those imperfections making it all the more real.....because if we remembered with crystal clear perfection would we be satisfied. There is something so much more valuable in not knowing more often then not. The questions that matter are almost always the ones not answered.  
  
  
Why did he offer her the ride home? It was a question he would struggle with much later. Or didn't he already know the answer. Often the truth is a whisper ,but we turn up the radio and try not to hear it. Safety. Only move ahead when the light is green. Yellow caution. But sometimes there is no light at all so we fumble and search, grasping for the switch. You stub your toe. Pain, but it doesn't last. But do you ever forget the place where you hit it or does that memory always remain, lingering somewhere. In the dark you can lose sight of the maintained road. Isn't everyone an egotist at heart and reality nothing more than our own private hallucination. Stop the mind shouted don't kill it with overanalysis. Leave things as they are because there is danger in analyzing every detail. It can be best often not to know, after all isn't your first impression of something often the most truest.  
  
  
  
  
There was a meeting that night. A chance maybe? She had calculated the risk. But the risk of not knowing was far the greater. After school she went to the classroom to find him there. He was always there.   
  
  
  
G- Mr.Dimitri?  
  
D- Yes.  
  
G- Umm, It's just about the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting tonight I don't know that I can go. I mean my mother is busy you see , my uncle Aaron is in town and Rick, well......  
  
D- Oh. You mean you don't have a ride?  
  
  
  
It was lie. They both knew it. She would have walked any amount of miles. Sometimes though the lies reveal much much more than the honesty ever could. The truth can be the lies we choose to give.   
  
  
  
D- I can take you. Come on. I mean it's not a problem, you would be a bit early [slight laugh] but if you don't mind...  
  
G- No.[slowly] I don't mind I mean.  
  
  
Three hours early? He had said they couldn't be friends, talk for hours.   
  
In the car she told him about Aaron , feelings and thoughts poured out.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~****************************************~  
  
  
  
  
They entered through the side door. An awkward silence.  
  
  
G- Can I use your phone . I really should call home. You know just in case.  
  
D- Of course, it's around her somewhere.   
  
  
He started to look around and walked of into the living room area. Calling back "I know it's around here, but damned if I know where..". Standing in the kitchen by the counter she looked around- taking in his things, she smiled. A photo on him and a dog on the fridge. It brought tears to her eyes because she had always loved animals and she knew he didn't have a dog -not anymore. Thrills "the gum that tastes like soap", a literary magazine, the newspaper. She opened it to entertainment page and started reading.   
  
  
D- Here it is. [ He had come up behind her and leaned over her shoulder] Horoscopes? I didn't know you were astrologically minded Grace.  
  
G- Hmmmf. I'll have you know I find it fascinating [ with a smile] but actually I was looking at the movies playing.   
  
  
A partial lie, yet another lie. Or maybe just an omission. She had long since discovered this birthdate. Travel insurance forms. A form they had signed a while back when the class took a field trip out of state to see a critically acclaimed performance of Les Miserables , his name and birthdate on the line above. Libra. Embarrassed she recalled the days that winter she had looked it up, more often then not at times when he was not a daily occurence in her life- holidays and the like. The took the phone and moved off into the living room leaving the paper opened.  
  
  
She left a message.  
  
-It's me Grace...umm I got a ride with a friend from the school over to a... ..There is a gay/straight alliance meeting tonight and I'm not sure what time I'll be back. I'll get a ride home so that's ok.   
  
  
She hung up. She was angry. Why did eveything require justification couldn't things just be. She looked over watching him remove his tie and undo top button.  
  
  
D- Can I get you something to eat? I don't know what's here but I'm sure I can pull together something and then we can discuss your story because I've really been thinking about that.  
  
G- Ok ,but you have to let me help.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***************************************~   
  
  
  
The meeting didn't last long. Most of the decisions had been made at the last meeting and this was more just a get together to checklist for the dance. Savannah proposed a couple new issues but other than that uneventful. What has the meeting anyway she thought but another stage on with the actors played. Her protaganist versus his. For we are each the hero is every scene are we not? He saw the students leave and returned to Grace arranging things preparing them to be cleared away. Plans, the best laid plans.....  
  
D- I'll just get this stuff cleared away and drive you home. More water? [ he asked playfully taking her cup]  
  
She hit play on the stereo , the cd turned.  
  
  
"Into the traffic change..  
.A good friend i have had  
Today, today....he is leaving  
~sad  
My friend is starting over ..there is a trembling  
Confusion , doubt"  
  
  
It was the same song that had played that night in his kitchen with Chris. She listened this time. It was a beautiful song. August came back into the room carrying the drinks and handed her hers. She sipped the ice cubes clinking and watched as he walked back into the kitchen. Glass ,glass in her hand. And glass is fragile- breakable even. A Glass menagerie. But "the traffic jars the shelves and things fall off them".  
  
The phone rang. Reflex reaction she started.  
  
  
D- Can you get that .  
  
  
She didn't question .   
  
  
G- Hello.   
  
Hi ( a tangible pause) Is August there? "Sure just a minute " , she put her hand over the receiver "Mr.Dimitri". An intake of breath on the line. The voice had sounded familiar but she could not place it, not until then. Mr.Dimitri not August? Grace. Thoughts filled her mind. A vague remembrance of a young woman with brown hair and brown eyes. She heard laughing "you're covered in suds" then August "Hello?"   
  
-August.   
  
D- Chris, hey..  
  
C- I hope I'm not interupting anything.  
  
D- No,no actually I was just doing dishes. [ He laughed] I seem to be doing that a lot lately.  
  
C- [ laughed ] Well cleanliness is next to godliness.  
  
D- Are you calling me a greek god? Because.....  
  
  
It was Chris only Chris and she never questioned who had answered the phone. He sighed relieved. Why had he asked her to get the phone? He walked over to the stereo.  
  
  
D- I think we need something different here.   
  
  
He turned off the cd player and opened the lid to the turn table. Casually picked up a record and removed the sleeve. Jim Croce. You don't mess around Jim. Suddenly unexpected he started to move and still more unexpectedly sing. It was karaoke gone all wrong. It was both horrifying and priceless all at once. Like the mastercard commercial some things money can't buy. She couldn't help laughing. He just looked so young and hip? God that wasn't even the word. The laughing began again. Her eyes watering. And he was smiling back eyes twinkling. A photograph, a memory she would keep forever~~ time slowed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~******************************~  
  
  
The next day in class.......  
  
  
  
  
Alexa looked down at her paper and her face fell. In pen a blue B. She turned to the commentary:  
  
  
  
This is an interesting essay, Alexa. I appreciate your effort to bring some balance to the three historical periods. However, I do think you slight the two earlier periods when you say they were naive and did not suffer temptation. That is rather narrow. They were only naive to this period and adultery is not a recent concept. This lack of historical knowledge does undermine your essay. As well, you need to provide more explanation of your quotes, for they are not self explanatory. Still this is cleary presented essay. Good.  
  
75/100  
  
  
  
The anger slowly mounted, damn it she had worked really hard on that and she needed an A. Desperatly needed that A. Her father never stopped talking of USC, hell he had already bought the sweater. She looked up at him, August Dimitri. What the fuck kind of name is August. Had he done it to spite her. No she knew he would not do that ,he wasn't like that and knowing that made the failure all the worse. Grace was smiling and fingering her paper..Hmmm. Looking over her shoulder to the desk ahead of her. A beautiful resounding A. She strongly suspected she hated Grace. Perfect Grace..perfect straight hair,nice family -no problems and articulate,yes articulate and smart. Where did these freaks come from? Wasn't she smart and equally opinionated but no one ever listened to her. Not really. Certainly not him....no all he saw was his precious Grace. He might as well permantely move his chair to beside her desk and write GRACE? on the board. The other students were just the background to him- Grace was his star. Just like Rosalind.   
  
  
If she could have admitted to herself maybe that was the reason for the jealousy. August Dimitri was charasmatic, interesting and sometimes his remarks in class even moving. And good looking, of yes very hot no doubt there. When he stood near you...argggg. His hair. What teacher have you ever seen that had adonis hair like that happening. A red haired adonis? Alexa smiled. But he intimidated her as no other person in her life ever had. He could make her feel very small and insignificant. He had a power and you knew he was someone....he mattered somehow. He was fascinating right down to his wardrobe. Let him have his prodigy she thought and with a slight laugh she pleasantly began anticipating how he would break Grace. Grace was no match for him. And then..  
  
  
  
Mr.Dimitri was talking about something but she was not listening.  
  
  
  
A.D- ...and for tomorrow also page 79, Beowolf. We start that one tomorrow so come prepared.  
  
  
Alexa picked up her bags and left the class. 


	5. A Ship in a Bottle

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE AUTHOR OF -REUNIFICATION- I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ.  
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE REVIEW ..FEEDBACK WOULD BE HELPFUL.I CAN TAKE CRITICISM AND OPEN TO SUGGESTION. FEEDBACK PLEASE !!! !! ANY IDEAS FOR AFTER EITT , CAUSE I HAVE A FEW BUT ALTERNATIVE IDEAS GOOD. READER PARTICIPATION GOOD.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: TIME BETWEEN GSA AND EITT. LEADING UP TO THAT BITTER GOODBYE ,HMMM BUT THERE NEVER WAS A REAL GOODBYE WAS THERE? ....APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW FOR ALL THE MUSICAL REFERENCES BUT WAS INFLUENCED BY GOO GOO DOLLS NEW CD GUTTERFLOWER.   
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A SHIP IN A BOTTLE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The poetry unit was almost concluded. Dimitri sat on his bed ,papers shattered around him. Black sheets, the room smells like the ocean. Piles of student "work" in unexpected places. Russell's essay on the book shelf balanced unstably on top Catch 22 and They Came to Baghdad. Alexa's paper in the bathroom on the counter near the mirror. And Grace's poem in his hand.   
  
  
  
An empty classroom  
  
A chair sits empty  
but never vacant  
the owner never leaves  
I watch the chair  
it belongs  
Among the dust, the clutter, the chaos  
a chair sits  
Inanimate,cold,remote  
same time warm  
I try the chair   
It fits.  
  
  
  
He flipped through the page searching for the other one. It was there some place. Untitled.  
  
  
  
  
An umbrella opens   
Metal is cold and hard  
but in this case it bends  
A bearly perceptible click  
Watch don't pinch the fingers  
Safety,security,warmth  
Danger  
Lightning  
Sparks  
Metal on metal  
Still you hold the umbrella  
You have to hold the umbrella  
A red umbrella waving in the wind  
Isn't life a beach   
Keep on the shades  
  
  
  
  
Red marks, imperfections -blemishes the pen scribbled but still he thought as he smiled, her poems they made you smile and maybe that mattered somehow. They made you question but did they give the answers. He had asked them to pick an object as the focus, it had been more an exercise as an introduction to poetry then anything else. Before the romantic poets and the incomprehensible arrived. His mind went to her story, What You Need to Know. He thought about it more than he cared to admit. To be part of the creation of something was exciting and a long forgotten feeling. This exercise would have helped her he thought.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~************************~  
  
  
  
  
Next day in class,Mr.Dimitri stood at the board. With chalk in one hand and with other running through his hair he wrote:  
  
  
1. Identify the poem's situation  
2. Articulate yourself what the title,subject and situation make you expect  
3. Be willing to be surprised  
4. Remember that poems exist in times and times change  
5. Take a poem on its own terms  
6. Argue  
7. Assume there is a reason for everything  
  
  
  
A.D- These are the points I suggest you keep in mind when either reading or critiquing a poem. Then at the same time throw them out. Make your own judgements.  
  
  
  
It was quiet that day, pens on paper. That sound repeated twenty times over. The bell rang. After class Grace had stayed back.   
  
  
  
G- Can I ask you something and you won't be totally offended.  
  
  
D- [with raised eyebrows and hint of joke] I can try not to be, not totally anyway.  
  
  
G- Why did you decide to write poems, you know ..over stories or even books. Is just odd you know [slight smile]. Was it the challenge.  
  
  
  
  
He paused a moment before answering. He touched the cleft in his chin ,then lowered arm.   
  
  
  
  
D- The thing that always drew me to poetry. I don't ...[he stopped] .That a poem can seem to suggest one thing at first then persuade you to its opposite.  
  
  
G- You mean false leads.  
  
  
D- No, I think I mean that with a poem, it's like you are alone out there with somebody else's feelings. Poetry is emotion. With a story the stage is set that there is a plot,characters and you grow with them. But poetry? Poems are not stories, but they could be the beginning,middle or end of one. With poems were not told what happened. All there is, is the expression of the emotion itself.  
  
  
G- Does that mean that poetry is more truthful then the story.  
  
  
D- [slight laugh, condensending? ] Truthful? I don't know. But it matters to a story. The poetry of a story can be the story. Have you ever read Chetkov? He said "bend the notebook in half and tear off the first half." And let what remains..the conversations, the actions tell the story. Don't always give everything away Grace.   
  
  
G- And your poems?  
  
  
D- I think I learned the hard way. Besides libraries are filled with failed ideas they don't need mine.  
  
  
  
Lost in thought, he looked at her without seeing. She watched him.  
  
  
  
D- You know you really should read Chetkov.   
  
  
  
  
  
~**********************~  
  
  
  
Parent Teacher interviews were that friday. Lily came right from the radio station. She had a list of things that need done and this was one of them. Most of the interviews were dull. The expected good student, pleasure and solid consistency remarks. Not unexpected. She met with Mr.Dimitri last. That morning Grace had asked her if she would be going and when she had said right away when school ended. Grace had offered to stay at school and wait , they would meet up there. Les would expect her back for six and she could stop at Booklovers on the way. Maybe Judy...   
her head was filled with more thoughts and demands that needed attention. Walking through the hall towards the class she thought of cookies, Rick and research on depression. Too many callers called about that she really did need to study up. She entered the class. Grace was there waiting sitting on the edge of the desk. The interview didn't last long,much he same as the others. Lily remembered Mr.Dimitri from the play. He was better looking then she remembered she realized. Maybe it was the green shirt, or faint aroma of Tommy Hilfiger.  
  
Grace had waited in the hall for the interview and as Lily moved to the door. She moved to meet her.   
  
  
  
  
L- You ready to go sweetie. I can drop you at home then I have to go back to work..  
  
  
G- But there's an alliance meeting tonight, I know I told you this morning and you said that...  
  
  
L- I know but I didn't know I would need the car and I'm sure you can miss one meeting. Mr.Dimitri wouldn't -  
  
  
  
August Dimitri had moved to the door. Ever so casually his arm resting on the door frame.  
  
  
  
D- I'm actually done with interviews today, at least with all the parents that indicated they were coming. If Grace needs a ride-  
  
  
L- You are an absolute Godsend [Lily smiled at him]   
  
  
  
  
Dimitri shrugged. Smiling ackwardly.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***************************~  
  
  
  
  
Outside Grace and Dimitri started to walk towards his car. Lily driving towards them paused for a second. She smiled. It was such a relief, yes a relief she realized surprised. But a relief that what. That Grace had finally found that mentor? Maybe it was to realize that Grace, always so fearcly independant was after all human. She needed people and praise too. There was a vulnerability. Suddenly Lily felt very close to Grace. Are we ever all the things we try to make believe we are.   
  
  
Lily pulled her car up alongside Dimitri's.  
  
  
  
L- See you at home Grace.  
  
  
G- Ok  
  
  
L- Thank you again Mr.Dimitri.  
  
  
She smiled and waved.  
  
  
  
  
In the car Grace adjusted her seat belt. As the key turned in the ignition the radio came on. She leaned forward to turn up the radio. Upbeat, poignant.   
  
  
  
  
"Now your world is way to fast  
Nothings real and nothing lasts  
And I'm aware   
I'm in love and you don't care  
Turn your anger into lust  
I'm still hear but you don't trust at all  
And I'll be waiting...  
  
I'm torn in pieces   
I'm blind and waiting for you  
My heart is reeling  
I'm blind and waiting for you  
  
Still in love with all your sins   
Where you stop and I begin  
And I'll be waiting  
Living like a house of fire  
What you fear is your desire   
It's hard to deal  
I still love the way you feel  
Now this angry little girl   
Drowning in this petty world  
Oh who you run to  
Swallow all your bitter pills   
That's what makes you beautiful  
You're all or not  
I don't know need what you ain't got...."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
G- I've always loved the Goo Goo Dolls  
  
  
D- I can't say I've ever heard of the Goo..  
  
[ Grace laughed]  
  
  
G- Well you should.  
  
  
D- Then show me.  
  
  
G- Show you? I'm not sure what---  
  
  
  
  
The car was changing lanes. The turn signal came on.  
  
  
  
D- We need to stop and pick up a few things. I hope that's ok. You know rabbit food and pellets for the guests, that kind of thing. Why don't you go check out the music store. If this cd is recommended then I mean clearly I need it. [He laughed]  
  
  
  
  
  
What was he doing. Why had he offered her the ride. Why did he suggest that ? Was it so they wouldn't be seen together. No it couldn't be that after all what guilt was there, Lily -her mother had let her go. His head hurt and he couldn't stop talking. Was what he was saying making sense. He stopped, just in case.   
  
  
Pulling into the mall parking lot Grace's own mind was reeling. I can't believe this is happening it. Actually to be there with him it was something she had never expected. Something so ordinary and yet. It was too prosaic ,too too normal? Normal. That word just didn't fit with her conception of August Dimitri. Mysterious it had always been. But suddenly there next to him it was almost like , they were a couple? She felt her cheeks getting hot, flush. God don't start grinning like an idiot. But try as you might a smile cannot be contained. The reality of the here and now.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**********************~  
  
  
  
  
  
After the meeting she put the cd on. While August did the dishes and straightened up the room and Grace sat on a stool at the kitchen counter working on her story, corrections, revisions - concentration- the music played. The first released single familiar from radio play came on. Slowly the music building ..  
  
  
  
  
"You and I got something  
But it's all and then it's nothing to me  
And I got my defenses   
When it comes to your intentions for me  
And we wake up in the breakdown  
Of the things we never thought we could be  
  
I'm not the one who broke you  
I'm not the one you should fear  
What do you got to move you darling  
I thought I lost you somewhere  
But you where never really there at all  
  
And I want to get free ,talk to me  
I can feel you falling  
And I wanted to be all you need  
Somehow here is gone.."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*************************~  
  
  
  
That night when he got back after dropping Grace off ,he started searching. The place was a bachelors disaster. The front room he kept trying to paint but never finishing. Maybe at the end of the school year. Sometime. Three hours of looking finding forgotten pieces of himself. Long unlooked at documents,pictures- memories. All a part of himself. On the bookshelf, near his book his elbow touched dropping the ship in a bottle that had rested on his shelf (a gift from a friend on the coast) to the ground. Glass shattered. Finally he found what he was looking for.  
  
  
  
  
He had bought the book in New York, in the eighties. He had gone there one summer way back when. Rented a basement apartment with pretentions at artist fulfillment of course. He laughed basement apartment. It was a real basement part cement part dirt floor. But it had a great tin ceiling and brick wall. In the heart of the Village and hey it was only $110.   
  
  
  
  
  
It was an important book. It had been to him. And the giving of it had to be important, the work deserved that. Picking up the pen he opened the cover. What did he think of when he thought of Grace? What was the essence of Grace to him? He wrote.   
  
  
  
  
  
for the girl with the loneliest eyes, Love Always August.  
  
  
  
  
He read back what he had written. Was it too much. Maybe. But it was honest. The one thing he had tried so hard to find. Honesty mattered. He wanted to erase it banish it from the page and he couldn't. He couldn't move. He closed the book.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*************************~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In another house- another place,the radio played. Elton John. Grace sat on the couch next to Zoe. They were laughing. It the background the music played on.  
  
  
  
  
"It was carnival night and they're stringing the lights around you  
Hanging paper angels, little devils on the roof  
Oh the furnace wind is a flickering of wings bout your face  
In a cloud of incense  
God it smells like heaven in this place  
  
chorus   
  
I can't eat,can't sleep  
Still I hunger when you look at me  
That face, those eyes  
All the sinful pleasures deep inside  
Tell me how,you know now,the way ,the means of getting in underneath my skin  
Oh you were all in my original sin  
  
A dream is just a riddle goes from every corner of your life  
Up in the balcony all the Romeos are bleeding for your hand  
Blowing keyeta he says  
Reciting lines they don't understand..." 


	6. You Can Close Your Eyes

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE AUTHOR OF -REUNIFICATION- I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ... OR ALAN TOFSKY ;D (...BUT THAT'S A DIFFERENT FAN FIC)  
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE REVIEW ..FEEDBACK!!!! MUST HAVE FEEDBACK!!!! GRRRRRRR .....HEY! IF YOU LOVE IT LET ME KNOW SO I AM MOTIVATED TO CONTINUE (YOU'RE RIGHT EMMET...FLATTERY GETS YOU MORE PLACES THAN A VISA CARD I SWEAR). AND WHAT IF YOU HATE IT? WELL LET ME KNOW TOO ....SO I CAN TAKE IT TO MY HOT RED HEADED CREATIVE WRITING TEACHER'S HOUSE FOR HELP- UHHHH ELM ST RIGHT? :)  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: THE STUDENT EXPERIENCED THE TEACHER. THE TEACHER EXPERIENCED THE STUDENT. LESSONS WERE LEARNED AND A JACKET WAS INDEED ZIPPED QUITE NICELY....I CONTINUE ON BECAUSE THE ENDING LEFT TWO HEARTS IN MID OCEAN AND I'M ON A RESCUE MISSION. IF THIS CHAPTER IS DIFFICULT TO READ, APOLOGIES BY THE AUTHOR...BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE FEEL FREE TO ANALYZE :)  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He walked down the hall. He couldn't look back. Don't look back . Or he could never have done it, just walked away. As if none of it had mattered. Because it would not be Mr.Dimitri looking back, it would be August. It doesn't matter anymore Linda Ronstadt told him in the car on the way home. But everything mattered and she mattered more than anything in his life. Everything was moving in slow motion. Everything had fallen out of place. Damn it why had he brought this cd! He had meant to give it to her several days ago..before. Well, before. It hurt to walk up the driveway to the house. Every step talking him one more away from where she is. That place he had left her. He turned back clicking the remote key and opening the car door. Standing in an open door too scared to reach through it and seize ...seize what? His heart. It was beating way too fast. Couldn't everyone hear that. Strangers passing by on the other side of the street. Holding the car door and bracing himself a moment Dimitri bent and removed the cd with reverance. It was all he had left, fragments pieces of moments. He knew it would tear every piece of him apart to put that cd on but he knew he had to do this. It had to end and if only the pain could all come at once then be over. He carried the disc into the house.  
  
  
  
He sat in a chair and could not move. In the dark with no lights. Tears didn't come. Not then. He couldn't move no matter what the discomfort of his position. Unseeing eyes blind to everything. He just sat every ounce of strength drained away as the tracks played on...  
  
  
  
  
"close your eyes  
you can close your eyes it's all right  
I don't know no love song  
I can't sing the blues anymore  
But I can sing this song  
You can sing this song when I'm gone"  
  
  
  
  
Why did he love her. Why her? Was it truly her he loved or an idealized vision he had placed on her. A too thin coat he had zipped around her to fit. He closed his eyes putting his fingers to his temples. It was the flaws he loved best. You know. She always said "you know". He smiled and for the first time tears came. Tears that seemed would never end, he never wanted them to. Could a person die this way?   
  
"I know Grace. I know" , he whispered.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************************************~  
  
  
  
It was several days later that Grace approached the den of sin (as Jessie and Katie called it). The garage. That attachement to the side of the house were an often detached step-brother lived. She cautiously opened the door and averted her eyes.  
  
  
"Eli. Are you here?"  
  
  
"Grace, hey --"  
  
  
"I just wanted to catch up. Cause it's been, you know, a while."   
  
  
  
She looked at him and smiled. Her arm made slight wave like movement. Grace walked over to his cd collection and begin fingering it.   
  
  
  
"Can I borrowed this", she asked lifting up a case.   
  
  
"Depends. Let me see"  
  
  
"Come'on Eli"  
  
  
"Dylan? That's not really your taste is it Grace?"  
  
  
"Maybe my tastes have changed".  
  
  
He laughed ,"You're telling me they have. Don't worry though [he put up his arms defensively], it's not a loaded question. I recommend Jokerman."  
  
  
"What--?"  
  
  
He pointed to the cd. "Jokerman"  
  
  
"Oh, thanks--- Well I really should go I guess"  
  
  
"Grace wait. I mean if there's anything you wanted to talk about. It doesn't have to be a secret--"  
  
  
  
  
She looked at him intently. Those words he had said just then.  
  
  
  
  
"It's not a secret. There is no secret. Everybody just feels they have such a right to make assumptions about my life."  
  
  
"I didn't mean it like that".  
  
  
"Then how did you mean it? Tell me that Eli. [tears she had no intention of allowing to flow came headless to her intent]. And he's not too old."  
  
  
  
The converstion was escalating and it seemed like Grace was on the escalator while Eli took the stairs. She paused and waited at the top. She was always waiting for someone to catch up.  
  
  
  
"Do you still see him?"  
  
  
"Eli I can't--"  
  
  
"It's ok. [He was looking at her closely] You don't. But if you cared about this person. Why did it end? [He was asking for himself as much as for her but he never realized that, a question always lingers and we look to others in similiar situations to solve it.]  
  
  
"It didn't end Eli." Grace paused, "Maybe it's just on hiatus".   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************************************~  
  
  
  
Several days later.. In a bedroom:  
  
  
A decoratorive pillow launched across the room. Rick stepped aside to avoid it's path. Another soon followed, then yet another. He sat on the cleared bed and began to set the alarm clock. Hushed voices...  
  
  
  
"I don't know anymore what to do. She has barely been here since it happened. Her body is here but no one's there. She doesn't talk to me, not since that time with the book. [with contempt] His book. Does she talk to the kids? Jessie , Eli--"  
  
  
"Lil, I don't know. I mean maybe she just needs time."  
  
  
"And then the times she is here. And I can look in her eyes. It just makes it worse. She laughs but it's not the same person. It not my girl. It's his girl. His damn girl!   
  
  
"She's a strong person. She's good person. I would trust her with -- with my life."  
  
  
"How can I trust her. I can't trust him. Is he still in town? Do you know that. But do you honestly, honestly Rick think she loves him? She's seventeen. Seventeen.  
  
  
"Lily, Grace has never been seventeen."  
  
  
"She's never been fourteen either. She's never been any age at all...maybe once. It scares me, I mean ---What if someday--"  
  
  
"Lil. I think maybe she does. [quietly] Love him. And you can't base your fears on someday. You have today. Find her today. Not who she was yesterday or could be tomorrow. Who she is now."  
  
  
"What I'm saying is how can I possibly condone this. How can I justify this. You can't --can you?"  
  
  
"Lily, if I had the answers"  
  
  
"Well I won't. It's wrong. I mean it has to be--. He could continue to hurt her more than he has. I just-- I'm going to bed."  
  
  
  
Lily turned out light on her side. And turned on her side, closing her eyes.  
  
  
  
"She has been fourteen."  
  
  
"What?--"  
  
  
"She has been fourteen", Rick laughed. "I remember this time we went shopping. Maybe she's been seventeen too and we just missed it."  
  
  
Lily stared off into the darkness.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************~  
  
  
  
Early morning sunlight shone through the wooden blinds. He had been sitting at the table a while but had not noticed the sun rise. He had realized in the darkness what would be the ending. There was no choice. He had told her once he was a fraud. But Grace was worth more than a fraud.   
  
He thought about the last words they had exchanged. She would find her ending. It echoed and repeated in the times when he let himself think about it. It was a shadow that followed him. Could he have said it differently? But what was there to do. Grab her in his arms and not let go. Hold on.   
  
"If love something you must set it free and if it truly was yours it would return. And if it doesn't then it wasn't yours at all."  
  
  
  
Wasn't that something he had heard before. In his life before Grace. He raised his hands to his hair and pulled it back in a single ponytail with a small black elastic. He smiled. Was the whole world just a cliche and an endless series of quotes, references with nothing original to be had. August reached for his reading glasses.  
  
  
"Well may the circle be unbroken..geez", he involuntarily chuckled. Then paused.  
  
  
"I know you'll find your ending Grace, I found mine."   
  
  
He suddenly felt he had to do something. And talking to himself was not it. Stumbling about the room he searched for this brief case. It was the first enthusiam he had felt in a days. Four days exactly. The opened his bag and found his notebook. Opening it up and taking up a pen he started to write. He stopped and got up. He walked over the stereo and picked up a cd. The Best of Bob Dylan. He hit number 5. Like a Rolling Stone,  
  
  
  
"Once upon a time you dressed so fine....  
  
You used to laugh about  
Everybody that was hanging out  
Now you don't talk so loud  
Now you don't seem so proud....  
  
How does it feel  
How does it feel  
To be without a home  
Like a complete unknown  
Like a rolling stone"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************************************~  
  
  
  
A knock at the door. A sharp intrusive knock. If a heart could stop beating and a man still maintain cognizance to walk across the room, that's what certainly happened then. Had the ending come so soon. The ending to his pain.   
  
  
  
"Ahhhh, Alexa."  
  
  
"Mr.Dimitri. I know I'm probably not the student you expected to see ( with a slight smile ...an attempt to overcome some emotion. Shame maybe.) But can I come in--"  
  
  
"Alexa I don't know--"  
[he stopped himself. What harm could be done now.}  
  
  
  
She walked in slowly. Alexa takes in the room. It's not at all how she imagined it to be. Nothing at all ever is, it's more somehow.  
  
  
  
"Mr.Dimitri. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Wait--I know you may not believe it. No one ever does believe the truth when I say it. Lies are easier that way. But I am sorry."   
  
  
  
Dimitri says nothing staring at a ceramic dish on the counter.  
  
  
  
"It's been a strange week without you there. I mean the whole class-- misses you. Katie she said that you were just suspended and that it was possible you could come back. Next fall. And I mean if you did it wouldn't be such a bad thing. You're a good teacher and it's not hard to forget. I mean memories are short..."  
  
  
"Forget. Don't lie Alexa. Stick with the truth even to the bitter end. It's words to live by--"  
  
  
"Mr.Dimitr---"  
  
  
"The whole class? Really the whole class?"  
  
  
"Yes the whole class. And Grace [she shot a look at him]..."  
  
  
  
  
He stared a moment. A moment too long and too strangely.   
  
  
  
  
"Has Grace been going to class? I mean is she--"  
  
  
"Is she ok?" , Alexa finished.  
  
  
  
  
Alexa looked up at him just then. She had been thinking. Thinking about something she had overheard Grace say. But Dimitri wasn't looking at her. He was looking at something she couldn't see and his eyes were full of emotion.  
  
  
  
  
"All I'm saying is consider it. Cause maybe I was wrong--"  
  
  
"Maybe you weren't all that wrong."  
  
  
"But that doesn't mean it can't be fixed. If I tell the schoolboard--"  
  
  
"Alexa. Some endings are the ending.  
  
  
"I though you said once that there was no story that couldn't stand a different ending. If it was a real story that is."   
  
  
"Did I say that? Hmmmmf." 


	7. Still Life: Pink Roses

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE AUTHOR OF -REUNIFICATION- I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ.   
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE REVIEW ..FEEDBACK!!!! I WOULD LIKE TO THINK I'M LIKE DIMITRI AND DON'T READ REVIEWS BUT UNFORTUNATELY AN INNER GRACE LURKS.... I DO REALLY REALLY WANT REVIEWS. REALLY. I HAVE ALL THESE OPPOSING SIDES WITHIN MYSELF IT SEEMS.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: I FELT OBLIGED TO PUT UP A NEW CHAPTER QUICKLY TO HONOUR THE COMING OF AUGUST (OF COURSE I MEAN THE MONTH....AMONG OTHER THINGS :) THIS IS PROBABLY BEST READ WHILE LISTENING TO THE "NEW DYLAN ALBUM" ESPECIALLY SONG MISSISSIPPI IS WOW! CHAPTER TITLE IS INSPIRED BY VAN GOGH PAINTING PINK ROSES AND MR DIMITRI'S LAPEL, AND MAYBE MORE SO THE WAY HE LOOKED WHEN GRACE TOUCHED HIS CUP, HIS HAND, HIS HEART.  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
STILL LIFE: PINK ROSES  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Grace was at Booklovers sitting at a table near the counter. A mango fruit drink before her and a copy of The Book of Ruth in her hands. She was just finishing it on recommendation from Judy. It was an awful book. Was that what they thought of her. Damaged. That she would always be alone. Looking across the room, he eyes rested on a strangers back. Why did she do that.. always look for him in a crowd like she expected -- and really in Booklovers of all places. She had never truly understood Orlando. She didn't understand Ruth. She didn't want to and who could she possibly tell if she did happen to. Understand that is -sort of. Grace looked down at the page and the words rose before her floating into the atmosphere. Stifling the air. Breath.  
  
  
  
  
" I looked up Truth the other day also. The word has a lot to do with seeing clearly, and with things that are honest and beautiful. Perhaps I should change my name to Ruth Truth. The combination of pity and compassion with honesty and beauty would be a real knockout. People might not see me come into a room but they'd feel like there was something unusual in the air- I have a lot of fantasy dreams. I guess, because I'm by myself so much. I'm not bored too often, though. I have my entire life to think about. I have ghosts to order away from my room."  
  
  
  
  
She set down the book. Australia. It had fallen through or a least been carefully placed aside like a dusty old book. Not forgotten just temporarely set aside. It was still raw though the thoughts about Australia. She had wanted to go, she had voiced she wanted go, she had leafed through the maps and books and information pamphets. She had screamed in the silence of her pillow - How could she go? How would he find her there? But in the morning when the dream was over she remembered he wasn't looking. He wouldn't ever be looking to her again. Which of Donne's poems would she have chosen? The Canonization. She wished she could have told him that. It was strange the way nothing could suddenly have meaning. Once she wouldn't have noticed back when everything was happening.   
  
She got up and started looking over the shelves. She picked up While I Was Gone. It was Oprah endorsed and there was a cute dog on the cover. She smiled at the dog.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***********************************************~  
  
  
  
Later ..........[Grace reading]  
  
  
"I argued that you couldn't get hung up about guilt or responsibility for what had already happened. That what mattered was the moment, who you were now, how you lived in this place, at this time. I remember that I felt he was being unimaginative, uptight. I remember that I felt I was defending my life and the choices I'd made"  
  
  
  
She started to read out loud from Sue Miller's paperback,  
  
  
  
  
"I was sometimes miserable, often bitterly lonely with the distance my situation imposed. At the same time, I was happier than I'd ever been. I felt I'd come to see and understand, finally, that there was a way to live among others that didn't require falsyfying yourself. Somehow all the lies I'd told didn't figure in this vision. Or were cancelled out by what I saw as its deeper truth.  
  
It wasn't that I had been conscious of falsyfying myself when I was living my other life. I'm sure I hadn't. I think, in fact, that I was barely conscious of having a self in the world. My mother tells me that I was a wilful little girl, but I don't remember that. What I remember is later, when I wasn't willful anymore: the inner calm of knowing I was satisfying expectations, I was pleasing. The self isn't important in such a feeling. It was only as I began to startle and disappoint others that I was aware of myself at all- that I came to understand, slowly, that I wasn't who I had pretended to be. And now, when I was pretending to be someone completely other than myself , I felt, for the first time, at home in my skin."  
  
  
  
  
It was it. The essence of acting. The stage for her. If only she could show August that. August. She stopped thinking or started thinking all the more. He was August now.   
  
  
  
  
"I saw Mr.Dimitri the other day?"  
  
  
"What?--"  
  
  
  
Grace was startled fumbling dropping her book. Jessie had come in the living room. She approached the sofa and sat down on the edge. Jessie looked off towards the kitchen and lowered her voice.  
  
  
  
"He was coming out of a convenience store with a newspaper. And get this--"  
  
  
"He doesn't read newspapers."  
  
  
"I guess he does now. "   
  
  
"And he cut his hair"  
  
  
  
  
Grace was turning white.  
  
  
  
  
"Nothing drastic but it was definitely trimmed. I wouldn't have recognized him expect for his coat."  
  
  
  
  
Lily called from the kitchen "Hello" and started to move down the hall towards the girls.  
  
  
"Can we talk". They all moved into the kitchen.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**********************************************~  
  
  
  
That night she thought. It was what he wanted. It had to end because what future should there possibly be. She smiled. Only the future she always knew there would be. She had always had a particular thought that she liked best and re-used many times playing it over in her mind. She would be getting ready for some event. They were going somewhere. Together . In public. And as she leaned by the mirror he would come up behind her. He would fasten the clasp of her necklace. Seashells. Not the same necklace, no a different one. One they had found together. She closed her eyes remembering the details of his face. The way he looked that day when he said "it's lovely". A tear started to fall. The face wasn't the same and she couldn't remember it. It was slipping away. All except his eyes. His eyes never left her. They always found her. She remembered the first time she knew she was found. The way his eyes looked. He had needed her. He was the first person to ever need her. The first person she ever recognized the feeling of being incomplete in, besides in a reflection. Maybe that was why she dreamed that same scene over. It completed the picture somehow. She smiled because sometimes in her dreams they never made it to the party. She could send him the poem by John Donne. Dismissing that thought Grace seized upon what she needed. Was she a horrible person? But he would have to let her in.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************~  
  
  
  
  
"So he's reinstated" Rick asked looking up from his book.  
  
  
"No. Thank god. He still has his credentials and license, but he won't be returning. Offically the word is he decided to pursue other interests."  
  
  
"Other interests."  
  
  
"Not mine. I expected he will keep teaching but it won't be at Upton Sinclair."  
  
  
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing."  
  
  
"I haven't decided yet.. Alexa's mom said Alexa was disappointed but I mean-- he's not god." Lily said climbing under the covers.  
  
  
"You sound like Grace."  
  
  
Lily smiled , her eyes creasing...  
  
  
"Well if you expect me to fall for him now. Well........."  
  
  
  
Rick raised his eyebrows and smiled.  
  
  
"And it's better. I mean that they are not in the same school. It would have been ackward. But I wonder if it wouldn't have been safer".  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************~  
  
  
  
The next evening in August Dimitri's kitchen.....  
  
  
  
  
  
"They're having a baby. How can they do this to me. How can she?  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"My mother and Rick. She's having a baby. A baby."  
  
  
  
  
He put the kettle on the stove and they waited for it to whistle. It sounded like a train pulling into a station. Grace leaned against the counter and looked down at some papers her sleeve had pushed. A theatre magazine and a notebook.   
  
  
  
Dimitri, " What do you take in your tea?"  
  
  
"Just cream. Thanks."  
  
  
Grace continued on, "Look I don't want you to say anything. God, that's the last thing I need is too discuss it anymore. [sarcastically] What do you think Grace, what do you want a boy or a girl, lets talk about babies. When parents do this it is just wrong! "  
  
  
"Only when 'parents' do it, huh"  
  
  
"Please."   
  
  
  
She looked up at him to find a half smile on his face. He had been surprised to find her at his door but he hadn't asked for an explanation yet. It was late and she was obviously tired and upset. Bob Dylan's Love and Theft played in the other room... a song called Mississippi.  
  
  
  
"Time is falling out  
We struggle in the stream  
Were almost there  
No where to escape.....  
  
I was raised in the country  
I've been working in the town  
I've been in trouble ever since I set my suitcase down  
Got nothing for you  
I had nothing before  
Not even have anything for myself anymore...  
  
All my powers of expression  
My thoughts so sublime  
Could never do you justice   
In reason or in rhyme  
  
Only one thing I did wrong  
Stayed in mississippi a day too long  
  
Well the devils in the yellow  
Muse in the storm   
Say anything you wanna  
I have heard it all   
I was thinking bout the things   
That roses said.   
I was dreaming I was sleeping in roses again."  
  
  
  
  
"Grace .", Dimitri hesitated serious now.  
  
  
"I can't . I can't go back there . "  
  
  
"But you can't stay here. It's not that I don't---- but for now--' [she stopped him]  
  
  
"I know. And I'm sorry for tonight. But I had to. I had to. Because it couldn't ---"  
  
  
"I know. I knew that. [smile] Give me some credit would you."  
  
  
"Extra credit."  
  
  
  
She reached out her arm to take his hand. It was the most natural thing in the world. He looked down at her hand and turned his own over to hold hers.  
  
  
  
"Grace"  
  
  
"Look . It's ok."  
  
  
"Yeh. It is. Ok."  
  
  
  
She looked up and him. His eyes had something she had never seen before. Even in her dreams. It was a look she could never have described. It was a look she had never seen before. She had felt it before , but never seen it. Because last time the tears were too many to see quite clearly and she had left too quickly. Had to. But now,  
  
  
  
Leaning in she pushed a lock of his hair back.  
  
  
  
"When. [still fingering the hair]... did you. "   
  
  
"Does it change things."   
  
  
"Nothing ever changes things.. [her hand moved away from his hair]  
  
  
  
He leaned in and started to kiss her. Gently then more. His hands on her back started to slide down stopping at her waist. His lips parting for a moment allowing her to breath.  
  
  
  
"We can't"  
  
  
"We can't not"  
  
  
  
This time she began the kiss. He was holding her shirt tails now in his hands so very delicately. She brought her hands moving down his arms and back up. His arms felt cold to touch.   
  
  
  
"Is there somewhere we can go?"  
  
  
'"In the house?  
  
  
"Yes.  
  
  
  
He was unbuttoning her shirt now.   
  
  
  
"You always had it in for seeing my bedroom didn't you. Where I sleep--"  
  
  
"Oh my god---"  
  
  
"Just joking. I can make jokes you know"  
  
  
"You know I can't stay."  
  
  
" I know. Just for a while."  
  
  
  
He took her hand and they went upstairs.  
  
  
  
  
Bob Dylan~~~~  
"So many things that we never will do  
I know you're sorry and I'm sorry to...  
  
I cross that river just to be where you are ..  
  
Well my ship been split to splinters  
And it's sinking fast  
I'm travelling in the poison   
Got no future got no past  
But my heart is not weary  
It's alive, it's free  
I've got nothing but affection for love that's sailed to me" 


	8. The Importance of Being August

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ..BUT LIKE LISBETH APTLY PUT WAY BACK WHEN , I WOULDN'T MIND OWNING ERIC STOLTZ. AND HIS HAIR.   
  
  
REVIEWS: READ AND REVIEW!!!!, FEEL FREE TO READ AND REVIEW IT "MORE THAN ONCE"..... : )  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: HAVING CHECKED INTO THE "STATE LAWS''.AHHH ......WELL REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW. ....INSPIRATIONS FOR THIS NEXT PIECE INCLUDED PROMETHEUS UNBOUND (THE ASIA PASSAGE ABOUT SOULS & BOATS IS HOW I SEE DIMITRI OR THE RED HEAD THAT PORTRAYED HIM AND IS ONE WAY HOW I THINK POEMS SHOULD BE. THIS CHAPTER IS FOR MY CAPTAIN... LOVE ALWAYS, SPROUTY. OTHER INFLUENCES: ALGERON, JAKE BRIGGS MUSIC AND JULIA WHELAN. MAY IT BE WORTHY OF AUGUST THE BRINGER OF LITERARY DEVELOPMENT.......   
  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING AUGUST  
  
  
  
  
  
"I really should be going. As much as I'd like to-- and I really would like to. I really can't be late." Grace laughed, "You know what that's like".  
  
August lifted his head and shifted his weight off her, rolling over with a stifled groan. There was a comfortable resigned moment of happiness. Resting on the pillow he put one hand behind supporting his neck and with the other smoothed his dishelved hair with his fingers. He leaned his head back breathing hard looking up at the ceiling then arched his neck back in place to look over to find Grace. The television was on in the corner where it had been turned on upon their entrance in the room. The Manchurian Candidate. The sound was turned down so low it was bearly audible but it hadn't seemed to go noticed.  
  
"What time is it?". Grace leaned over across him to see the alarm clock and allowed her arm to slide around his waist. "It's almost midnight. I've got to go because --"  
  
"Because?"  
  
"If anyone found out where I was."  
  
"Then they would know where you were."   
  
"Look I know we need to have this conversation."  
  
  
Grace now sitting on the edge of the bed got up , beginning to do up her shirt buttons. August got up straightening his dark blue shirt which was in a state of upheaval and smoothing his wrinkled trousers front.   
  
  
"Let me drive you home at least. I'm not letting you walk home at this time of night."  
  
  
He got up and moved behind her, rubbing her shoulders and arms. Every muscle responding to his touch.  
  
  
"But I mean is there sometime that we can talk about this. It's not something that can exactly be put off you know. However much I hate to impose regulations on passion"  
  
Grace turned smiling. "Passion?"  
  
"Yes, passion. The magnetic attraction of one body to another body. The last earthly suffering." He mumbled and moved towards her kissing the side of her throat. "My Anna on the neck. Mmmmmf."  
  
"August."   
  
"We're going. Have you seen my keys?"  
  
  
He vaguely looked around then spotted them on the dresser top were they had hastly been tossed. Grace breathed in hard and started to walk downstairs ahead of him turning for a moment for one final glance around his room. She smiled. They would never have this night again. Driving to her house the streets were dark and silent. It was a misty kind of night where everything that was had a hint of dew surrounding it. It was warm out but with a breeze. The windows in the car were rolled down.   
  
  
"Look Grace about your mother and this baby. You know you need to talk to her about it. I have a feeling it's maybe what you need. A lot of fences have been broken but it doesn't have to mean things are beyond repair. "  
  
  
He looked over at her. One hand on the steering wheel.  
  
  
"Sometimes you pick up a paint brush and slap a coat of those tattered fences until you can afford the price to fix them."  
  
"I can think about it. Look what I said back at your house- about babies. I didn't necessarily mean it. When Tiffany had Maddie well it was [slowly] amazing. It was life. It was everything. But I think I should be entitled to resent it ..just for a little while."  
  
"You are. Grace [he mused over the name enjoying the way it sounded]....The Greeks had a story about 'Grace' ,a myth of three beautiful sisters...."  
  
  
They were approaching her street.  
  
  
"Stop the car."  
  
"What."  
  
"You know shut off the engine!" she grappled for his arm urgently. The car quietly came to a stop in front of the house before hers.   
  
"How are we going to manage this one?"  
  
"What."  
  
He pointed to the house, "Unlawful entry," he leaned in whispering, "I mean do you need me to give you any help climbing the trees or something. Elm is pretty solid wood. [he grinned]  
  
  
She smiled and it was the only thing to do. His eyes in the dark on hers.   
  
  
"You're insane."  
  
Dimitri in all seriousness, "Quite possibly".  
  
"Look what if I call you later. Say in half an hour when you get home. [with hesitation] That's if you give me your number". She looked up. He was watching her intently with an unreadable expression. He reached up to bring down the sun visor down. It was loaded with papers, cards, photos, clippings. He paused looking at the assortment.  
  
"Grace you're sure about this. [and with a pause] About- " he said writing his number on a slip of paper. He never looked up.  
  
"I'm sure".  
  
  
The answer was barely audible as a car passed by close at hand on the street. She placed her hand on his to take the number. He let hold of his grasp on the cream coloured paper and held her hand.   
  
  
"Are you sure. That your ok, I mean tonight....."  
  
  
Grace picked up the folded paper. "You know you worry too much."  
  
  
"Well maybe you give me good reason to worry. Or I give myself reason."  
  
  
Still holding his hand she edged closer to him. "I'll call. And you know you shouldn't throw proposals around like that to people. Someone just might take you up on on it sometime."  
  
  
"I--"  
  
  
"I meant about the tree."  
  
  
  
He let go of her hand and let his eyes fall into beat with hers for a moment. A very long moment as he drifted as far as the deep pools would let him before he would drown. He turned the key in the ignition . She got out of the car looking back to see him lost in thought. Lost in some place there wasn't room to follow him to. Not that she wouldn't have tried but he didn't seem willing or prepared yet to let her. Maybe it was the 20 year head start that never quite seemed to get eradicated.   
  
  
  
  
  
~****************************************************~  
  
  
She walked around to the door that let into the kitchen. Peeking in the window , the house was dark and only a hall light on somewhere. Quietly and slowly she turned the key. Stopping a moment then waiting, but she didn't hear a sound only odd creaks and ticking. Grace's eyes luminous in the dark keenly took in everything as she made her way up the stairs clutching the cell phone she had swipped from the kitchen. In her bedroom she softly shut the door and hide the cell phone and paper under her covers before changing into pyjamas for the night. Pausing before putting on a t-shirt befitting sleep she was startled noticing she could still smell him. On her clothes , her body. It was a pleasing smell. His aftershave? Soap? She brought her arm up to her nose to take it in. Oddly in smelt like spring and unexpected april snowfall and classrooms. If there could be such a combination.   
  
Unfolding the paper she smoothed the rough and wrinkled spots down. Rose petals. Was there another word for that texture. There was the number he had written and beside it a name. Then in capital letters BIRDS AND SHIPS then in lower case....ex gratia. She pressed the portable's buttons dialing and raised the receiver to her ear. Her eyes taking in Percy Shelley's words,  
  
  
  
"My soul is an enchanted boat,   
Which, like a sleeping swan, doth float  
Upon the silver waves of thy sweet singing;  
And thine doth like an angel sit  
Beside the helm conducting it,  
Whilst all the winds with melody are ringing.  
It seems to float ever, for ever,  
Between mountains , woods , abysses,  
A paradise of wildernesses!  
Till, like one in slumber bound,  
Borne to the ocean, I float down, around,  
Into a sea profound, of ever-spreading sound:........  
  
And we sail on, away, afar.  
Without a course, without a star,  
But, by the instinct of sweet music driven;  
Till through Elysians garden islets   
By thee, most beautiful of pilots,  
Where never mortal pinnace glided,  
The boat of my desire is guilded:  
Realms where the air we breathe is love,  
Which in the winds and on the waves doth move....  
  
  
  
Ex gratia? She looked up the translation. Latin: as a matter of grace .  
  
  
  
  
  
~*************************************************~  
  
  
"Have you considered what your going to do?" Grace asked lying in her bed letting the sound his voice compell her to sleep.  
  
"That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. I mean I never expected this to happen. Not being Mr.Dimitri. It was not something I had an agenda about- I mean fumbling around in beds is never something I consider casting away lightly. But it's not--  
  
"It's not the way this story goes.   
  
"No. A professor emeritus. But I have had an idea , or the start of an idea. It's not formulated quite yet and the cast of characters need their roles defined. It seems I'm looking for something clear cut and finding everything but that. It's actually got me excited but I don't want to vault over both the cart and horse before it's definitive. If it works out though, well [laughs] it would be because of you."  
  
"I'm not sure I want to be the source a certifiably mad man's laughter."  
  
"Et tu Brute."  
  
"Seriously."  
  
"What about your story. That you been continuing with it... it's something I think about a lot. Your stories. And there are several publications in the market just now not to mention the summer contests are just now gearing up for short stories."  
  
"Not really. It seems like all the endings I've attempted aren't working so lately I haven't had the motivation. I'm considering not having an ending at all just stopping mid sentence. But then it cheats the audience of the ending because I do know the ending. I just can't ever write into words that do it justice."  
  
"You'll have to bring it by sometime. I've missed her, the inner Grace. Chris called me earlier tonight."  
  
"Would I be a horrible person if I said I hated her."  
  
"Grace, you wouldn't be horrible. But you wouldn't be honest. You don't even know her. Later...well then it's permitted to form opinions. Opinions don't demand concrete proves and truths so I'm open to being shocked in that realm. She was proposing a little get together. At my house. It would be informal no Mansfield park or Rocky Horror. [pause] I think you should come. We're not play acting this are we? I mean if this is going to be a relationship it has to be a real one having both an existence in the real and private." He held in his jaw least a sound escape and waited for the answer.  
  
"I don't want to keep it hidden either but what choice is there. I certainly can't tell my parents and if the school became involved again. You're not faculty but you're still a teacher.   
  
"I'm not asking you to choose Grace or to make the hard decisions. I'm just asking you to come to the party. For a night at least. I know what we decided- what we choose or the choice that became imposed. But I also know what matters. I need you there. I'm always saddled with the clean up.  
  
"Ohhh saddles. First carts, then horses now cowboys. Well if it's going to be that kind of party..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***********************************************************~  
  
  
  
Liquor bottles were everywhere. The eclectic mix of hip and hip-replacement groups of his friends were wasted. Someone was in the bathroom smoking hash. And Grace was franticly searching for August. She had been to parties. Well sort of. Fumbling ackward teenage parties. Adolescents thought they partied but she was coming to the realization that the Upton Sinclair crowd had no idea or even the concept of one. She was out of her league. There had not been any formal introductions. Mostly no one asked. August introduced her as a friend and former student. And with a glass in her hand no one asked her age.  
  
  
"Grace," an arm went around her. "How the fuck do we get these people out of here? And safely. Did they all come in cars?"  
  
"Thank god." She had never heard him use that word before.  
  
"I'm sorry. And don't tell a soul but Grace--I don't know half these people."  
  
  
  
u r the best thing~~D:Ream  
  
"I took at chance  
At the price my soul would burn...  
Inside my desire...  
Nobody thought that would satisfy my needs  
I need hope, give me hope.......  
And you may ask where are we now  
Just look around you now lift your head above the crowd  
I know now ,what I didn't know  
Then a rock and roll  
Took to friendships that wouldn't last ,cause they weren't right not like you  
You're the best thing I ever had  
Got a feeling I've been searching for it last.."  
  
  
  
  
  
~*****************************************************~  
  
  
  
The party was in triumphant swing and Dimitri lead Grace into the kitchen. They moved over to near the counter, Grace near the sink ran some water and pushed a few dishes around. She started looking for a cloth. It was the first time he ever said he loved her. That he gave a voice to the narratives on love he had written, with restrained words and with his eyes, to her for months. Fully becoming the author proclaiming ownership of a feeling. He reached for her waist drawing her to him. Hips to hips.   
  
  
"August--"  
  
He was kissing her and she was not resisting. Her hands running like drops of jupiter in this hair. It made him think of that song by Train. She sighed ,"Right here".  
  
"Don't go tonight."  
  
  
Chris watching in the door turned away. Later at the party she watched. Grace talking with Jim in the corner about the world cup. August beside them trying to get Jim into an argument over Janus and the possibility of true and false existing in unison in some quote of allegorical writing.   
  
  
  
Simple Brain~~The waltons....  
  
"Dreaming of day dreams aloud in the dark  
and I love when you say them, dark roll down  
Talking in circles in circles of love  
The pure and the sour may be all around you now  
Sure your lips bargain down  
It's reason to worry  
A season for shame  
Locked inside your most unsimple brain  
Straight as an arrow  
We're safe in the shadows  
Crooked and weavy the paths they will take  
So long as the eggshells they thread upon lightly won't shatter them slightly ...." 


	9. I'll Fly Away

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ....ALTHOUGH I HAVE FEELINGS OF POSSESSION AND OWNERSHIP AS REGARDS TO ERIC STOLTZ AND HIS HAIR. NO LEGAL RIGHTS TO THE ROOSTER UNFORTUNATELY.   
  
  
REVIEWS: I AM TAKING THE DIMITRI STAND FIRMLY AND VOWING I DON'T READ REVIEWS. BUT THEY'RE REALLY POSITIVE YOU SAY?... WELL THAT'S THE WORST KIND. BESIDES IT DOESN'T SEEM ANYBODY IS REVIEWING MUCH ANYMORE "THE LITTLE WORMS".... BUT THEN I DO 360 AND SAY MY FEELINGS? THE TRUTH? UHHUH AND WHAT'S THAT.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER SUMMARY: I MOVE AHEAD ON THE PATH LINED WITH ROSES AND CHEKHOV AND CONTINUE TO MOVE THESE TWO CHARACTERS TOWARDS THEIR ENDING.... MY INSPIRATION- THE ACTING OUT AUDITIONS. IT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME TEAR UP TO HEAR ERW AND JULIA SING, AND ERIC'S REACTIONS TO THAT SINGING. BREATHTAKING... I EVEN CATCH MYSELF SINGING THESE SONGS OUT LOUD OVER AND OVER.   
  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
Writer's Note: Someone suggested to me that my story read like a script/play. At first that left me shocked or something, and if it seems that way it was not a conscious decision but HEY I like that. So if the story seems disjointed I might say it would be better to see each "chapter" as a vignette or act featuring Grace and Dimitri. Thanks..   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'LL FLY AWAY  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Waking up with him beside her. His limbs not wrapped around her or touching, or any of the things the realm of dreams had told her to expect. It was a unison of the entire body. A warmth, a body, a soul pressed up alongside her. A soul that belonged. Grace smiled- belonged to her. Someone's son, brother, uncle. Someone's lover. She closed her eyes never wanting the moment to end and at the same time anticipating the ending and eagerly looking forward to all that would follow. Was it blasphemy to love him and want to protect him from - well from any pain , and yet simutaniously want to scream into the PA system at school that she had slept with Mr.Dimitri. He had let her into the shell. The stress fracture her persistence had created in that very hard and decided shell ever present. Her body began physically shaking, a slight tremble that could not even do justice to the feeling of happiness and flight. She smiled and eyes strained to remain dry. She closed them just in case and thought. Thought of all the times she convinced herself not to think. And with her eyes closed the mind sang a song. A song it had carried for years and only now found a home for. Or found an answer to. Name.   
  
  
  
"Even though the moment passed me by  
I still can't turn away  
I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose   
Tossed along the way  
Letters that you never meant to send  
Lost or thrown away  
Now I called up all the things I never knew their name  
Don't belong to no one that's a shame  
You could hide beside me maybe for a while  
And I won't tell them your name....  
  
I think about you all the time  
And I don't need to sing  
It's lonely where you are  
Come back down  
And I won't tell them your name."  
  
  
  
  
  
"August", she whispered. It was greedy self indulgant to voice his name. She knew it would wake him from his sleep and the happy place he found himself but it was not a crude wake up call. It was something sacred the pleasure of saying his name. His handle and identity.   
  
  
  
"ummmmf"  
  
  
"Hi "[she shyly smiled]  
  
  
"Hi. [the smile he was trying to hold could only grow] Do I know you? [his facial features overtaking an expression of confusion ]  
  
  
"August!"  
  
  
"I seem to recall seeing you someplace prior to this bed."  
  
  
  
He reached out to brush her chesnut hair back behind her ear. Mahogany. A wood with a history, with a story. Beautiful and soft. Drops of Jupiter... "She acts like summer and walks like rain. Reminds me that there's room to change" he thought. Shattered random thoughts of the night before. August opened his mouth to speak...  
  
  
  
"Please don't. You don't have to" [she smiled]  
  
  
"I do. I do have to--"  
  
  
  
But all he could do was look at her. Words could not come or would not come. In her eyes. A feeling that should be fleeting - the feeling of being complete. But it wasn't fleeting. It just was. So cliche eyes, flowers, and poetry but it still remained that was the impression the lingered in his thoughts of Grace. The very name. He leaned in to kiss her. A long lingering patient kiss. Grace felt her head pushed into the pillow and reciprocated to the best of her ability. The covers around her protecting her. Protecting her from what. From revelation, exposure all the things she had so very feared. To let someone see her. But she didn't fear him as his hand fumbled with the covers and went beneath. Inside.  
  
  
  
"The birds are singing   
In your eyes today  
Sweet flowers blossom in your smile  
The wind and sun are in the words you say  
Where might your lonesome lover be  
Birds may be singing in my eyes they stay  
Sweet flowers blossom when I smile  
But my soul lay stormy  
And my heart grows wild  
My sweetheart rides a ship upon the sea~~"  
  
  
  
  
  
They had breakfast in his kitchen. Grace scrambled the eggs and Dimitri manned the frying pan. He didn't want her to get burnt he weakly lamented. She had offered him omelets, fritata, crepes but he prefered a simpler fare. Eggs and toast. Whole grain bread and orange juice (calcium fortified). His hair was damp from the early morning shower. August reflected he had grown unaccustumed to getting up this early the last few weeks. School hours. Grace unfortunately was still programmed to that schedule. Sighing he realized to make this work he would have to change that, at least for their pleasurably anticipated evenings together. Or he would have to change. It was inevitable the existentialist thinker would venture.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***********************************************~  
  
  
Grace was in her bedroom. She looked around contemplating the posters, accessories. Realizing the girl who lived in this room was only a visitor now. Cornflower blue sheets she thought and raised her hand to bring it to cover her mouth pure happiness. "Oh My God", she whispered over and over. The door opened to Grace's -as the door sign indicated ....  
  
  
"So how was the party last night-"  
  
  
Grace smiled radiant. "It was good."  
  
  
"I thought you might have called or something."  
  
  
"God Mom. It was a party you don't just call home to your mother. Can you imagine! " [eye roll]  
  
  
"I know. It's just you always have in the past--"  
  
  
Grace began busying herself with the appearance of searching for something. "Well that was the past. And that was during school , I mean it's summer. Other kids--"  
  
  
"But your not other kids--"  
  
  
"No I'm not. Or a kid at all. "  
  
  
"I guess a lot of things have changed around here lately [searching] . Grace I know I never seem to get it right, but it's not that I don't--- It's not that I don't want to know......--you. I guess I've always been too good at presumptions. Too certain about the things I thought I knew. Sometimes I'm just too ready to be there and I'm starting to recognize the impossibility of being all things at all times."   
  
  
"Mom. It's ok. It's ok now."  
  
  
"But it should have always been ok."  
  
  
"Maybe it was... always ok. If you're feeling guilty about -- "   
  
  
"I never said that Grace."  
  
  
"I know. You wouldn't but--you don't have to."   
  
  
"Your very charitable today."  
  
  
"Actually I prefer virtuous. "  
  
  
"I see ", Lily said raising her eyebrows. "So this Stacy who had the party, you've been friends with her for a while at school?"  
  
  
"Stacy? [Grace startled and quickely recovering]. "I guess you could say that ...I mean yes from the play actually. You know, As You Like It."  
  
  
"Oh."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************************************~   
  
  
  
It was raining and that was an unusual thing for August. The month not the man. The first rainfall of the month in fact. They had decided to stay in, rent classic movies and spend the hours at "writing camp" in his bed. August had chosen Orsen Welles' "Citizen Kane" and a Danny Kaye selection of "On the Riviera", "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty." August admitted to Danny as his guilty pleasure. A fellow red head although rumoured not naturally, a satiral wit and he enjoyed the duality of Kaye's role in On the Riviera. Grace's seal of approval had leaned towards "High Society". At first August was adamant no popcorn in the bed but when Grace began to feed him popped morsels all good intentions were thrown out the window, the bowl was overturned and chaos resulted. After that any possible objection to food in bed was unthinkable.   
  
  
  
"Here it is", Dimitri said tentatively brandishing a package in the air.   
  
  
"What is it ?"  
  
  
"Just something I've been hanging onto for the last few weeks."  
  
  
"August?"  
  
  
"Shhhhh. Just give it a try."  
  
  
She took it and puzzled over it for several minutes thoughtfully. Grace looked up, "It's incredible."  
  
  
  
  
His breath caught at the word.   
  
  
  
  
"It's only one Act though. What about the rest and I mean where did you find it.. What's the title? The author?"  
  
  
  
  
He realized she didn't yet see.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************************~  
  
  
  
"What colour is it? I mean it's not red or orange. Auburn? Makes me think of Titian . Maybe I should take up painting", Grace mused finguring August's small single ponytail.   
  
  
  
They had just attended an art exhibit opening, it was a major museum publically funded but with local contributions as well as this particular exhibit explored, and were returning from the trip. It was an hour and an half drive outside the city and getting out of the car stretching the legs felt good. "We're home", August said locking the car with the remote starter and turning the house keys in his hand. Grace looked over at him but he was not aware of the observation.   
  
  
August walked into the house slowly accompanied by Grace. The slowness,freeze frame, stillness of a turtle or a snail decending upon him. Any animal with a sensitive shell in fact. And the weight of it burdened him. On the precipice hovering between happiness and loneliness he had realized sometime ago the way the scale would go and what would be needed to balance it. To give it an equilibrium. He felt reassurance it would not be unexpected. She knew. He had seen it in her the last few times they had been together. In the things she said it was a shadow. Or he wanted to believe she had seen it because otherwise the scale was in danger of topling over. The opening had been reletively well attended and was interesting. But he hadn't said much all evening. He had seen her watching him.  
  
  
In the kitchen, he put down the keys on the counter and loosened his neck tie. Grace didn't remove her jacket but sat down.   
  
  
  
"Grace I have something I need to say and you-- you need to listen."  
  
  
She lifted her eyes to meet his with resolve, "Please."  
  
  
"I don't want to hurt you--"  
  
  
"Then don't. August, don't--"  
  
  
  
  
How could he do it. He had played the scene over in his head for countless hours from the role of director, her role . his. But the scene never played out in a way that presented hope or was free from pain. His thoughts coming to him in spurts .....this is where I start screaming. This is what I do best. Taking up the burden he began....  
  
  
  
"I've been offered a chance and Grace I can't pass it up. I need that something to go to. A career, a passion. We've talked about it. I've stayed here this summer and put it off, but it's because of you I'm taking it. We've both known all along haven't we. It was temporary--this -- us. Your still seventeen and I'm ---. There are things we both need to do and they can't be done like this. "  
  
  
  
She averted her head looking towards the sliding glass doors and a pause pregnant defying words occured.  
  
  
  
"You can call, write." She was offering him a life jacket.   
  
  
"You're right I can. But Grace I won't."   
  
  
  
"How can you say that. [she turned to him] I thought I was your passion. I thought it was love always, August. What happened to always. You want me to find a way to see it as lies and using. Then I'm a fool and you a fraud."  
  
  
"Grace don't. "   
  
  
"Well what would you call it Mr.Dimitri?" she shot at him. [he cringed]   
  
  
"I would call it experience. That we tried something and realized it's shortcomings. And Grace there are too many not to see them. It would be lying to ourselves."  
  
  
"Then lie."  
  
  
"We can't. I can't. We have to be right. "   
  
  
"And what is right?"  
  
  
"Right is what will happen. Grace believe me. Believe in me." [ taking her hand].   
  
  
"How can I."  
  
  
"Believe a fraud?"  
  
  
"No. How can I go on," she said quietly.  
  
  
He hadn't planned to kiss her. He never let it enter the scene but then seldom reality is present is the planning stage. It comes later to shock the hell out of you and if you're lucky you get out alive.   
  
  
"You have my love. But I'm saying goodbye Grace and leaving."  
  
  
"When?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***************************************~  
  
  
  
"Judy I need a favour. I need you to drive me someplace."  
  
  
Judy was alone in the kitchen, she had stopped by but not finding Lily had stayed. Judy looked up from her book, there had been an odd catch in Grace's voice.   
  
  
"Well . I mean sure , of course. Where did you need to go?"  
  
  
"I'm not sure where it is I'm suppose to go in fact ... [she looked over to read off Judy's expression] I mean I do. I do know where I'm going. I'll give you the address and directions ."  
  
  
  
  
  
As Judy pulled up along the opposing curb to the rear of the house,Dimitri's car was visible on the side of the house. The back passenger side door open. And the passenger seat flipped ahead. He came around the bush carrying a stack of books and papers. Stopping ,  
  
  
  
"Grace." [abruptly]  
  
  
"I know you told me not to come but [voice breaking] .... I needed to be here."   
  
  
"To see me go?"  
  
  
"Maybe."  
  
  
  
  
She moved closer touching his arm. He looked off , over to Judy's veh. His brow puckering. He started to rub her arms slowly. An intake of breath his eyes pierced Grace's soul.   
  
  
  
Grace with effort attempted to remain detached ,"So are you sellling the house. Or---"  
  
  
"No. I'm not sellling it."   
  
  
"And when my story's published. If it's published."  
  
  
"Grace. What is this?" He was tired so very tired.  
  
  
"Don't go."  
  
  
  
  
He looked down.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm only asking once. I can't bring myself to say it again. "   
  
  
"Please don't. Don't say it again." Dimitri said.  
  
  
  
  
Suddenly unexpected she grabbed his tie firmly then releasing the pressure lightly handling it --- He knew what was happening.. He wanted to stop her. He wanted it all to stop and rewind. fast forward. pause. He had a window of escape but he didn't take it. She pulled him in.   
  
  
  
"And she kissed him for the last time."  
  
  
"No. [pause] She didn't. " he protested.  
  
  
But she did kiss him. Slow probing . Breaking apart he held her hand that had found it's way into his somehow a moment longer. Judy in the car could only watch the scene in silence. Seeing them talk and the contact but she could not hear what was said.  
  
  
"Take the keys."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~  
I can't live this lie  
I don't care whose wrong or right  
Too much talking baby  
Let's sleep on it tonight  
I don't really want to fight no more  
Cause it's time for letting go...  
  
  
Can't you see I don't care  
Or are you seeing right through me..... 


	10. Five Hundred Miles

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS .... BUT I AM SLOWLY GETTING TO KNOW REAL LIFE GRACE'S AND DIMITRI'S (IF ANYTHING YOU READ SEEMS FAMILIAR YES IT IS YOU AND AREN'T YOU GLAD I DIDN'T MENTION NAMES :)  
  
  
REVIEWS: PLEASE DO...BUT HEAVEN FORBID NOTHING POSITIVE, RIGHT? ACTUALLY WHATEVER YOUR FEELING USE IT. AHH MAN...MWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- I FORGET SOMETIMES HOW VERY VERY MUCH I LOVE MR. DIMITRI...WHEN HE FOLLOWED GRACE OUTSIDE IN DTotR- WAILLLLLLLLLLL. THEN I GUESS YOU COULD ARGUE, "Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." ST. AUGUSTINE ; )  
  
  
  
  
CHAPTER NOTE: I always used to think I was above people who devoted more than cursory thought to fictional characters and "celebrities". I was judgmental, condenscending and I have been punished. The blow that was dealt me was cruel but I would not have it taken back for anything. I was slapped in the face and left to watch all that I hold dear and sacred fade away and end just when I had found it. I know what it is to hurt and to be alone---and as the author of this story at least I have a choice. I would never leave these characters that way- alone. But you knew that :D (that may be the saddest Dimitri smile you ever see...if you've seen Vanilla Sky "the saddest girl ever to hold a Martini"...I know that girl). On a more cheerful note, mwoohaha enjoy and REVIEW!!!!! Musical inspirations ( of course there are some from this avid music connoisseur): Gutterflower (The goo goo dolls.. once and again!), The Graduate and Paul Simon who makes me think. With a wink and a promise I say don't worry the wedding song will be Ella Fitzgerald.. one day, someday, in dreams.  
  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
"Tell me who admires and loves you,   
And I will tell you who you are."  
CHARLES AUGUSTINE SAINT-BEUVE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
FIVE HUNDRED MILES  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He drove away. Forcefully he looked ahead concentrating on his destination. Pull away, don't hit a garbage bin or the curb. A lithe gray squirrel holding a nut like a precious treasure ran along the pavement towards a tree. Run run hide it from the world. Above all else don't look back. But he knew she wouldn't be crying because he knew Grace. Maybe that was why he couldn't take a last look. He wanted her to be crying. He wanted her to feel something. Somewhere deep within he wanted her to stop him and he knew it. There were feelings of guilt over that. Over and over thoughts that wouldn't stop. What have I done?. Over and over endless and ever like an offkey song that never ends. If he could just bellow "Stop the music" and end the song. Return to the peace of the sounds of silence. A time before this all started. Of course there had been pain before Grace and there would be pain to come. But not the same. What had preoccupied all that silence before Grace came along and why did it all seem trivial now. Unimportant. What if one day this seemed unimportant too. He was a fraud, a liar, an actor. But he was never the leading man, no it was a role that never lasted for him. He seemed to fit somewhere else in a place yet undiscovered. He had a category of his own creation. Maybe he would always be fifth business. The catalyst that caused others the react yet never being allowed to react himself. Never claiming the attention or the spotlight. A life in shadows waiting for the role that would fit and lift him above. Reveal the man hidden inside that he secretly hoped and believed was there - but didn't know. Not with any certainty. He needed Grace to lift the curtain and he realized that, but he was still scared what might be behind it all.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************~  
  
  
"Can we go back home now," Grace said drained and sliding into the passenger seat of the Celica. "Please."  
  
  
"Grace we need to talk about this."  
  
  
"Why. I mean I don't see the point. He's gone now which is what everyone wanted--"  
  
  
"That was him?", Judy asked tentatively.  
  
  
"That was Mr.Dimitri ", Grace said assured, feigning confidence she really didn't have.   
  
  
  
  
There was an odd pain associated with just saying his name like that. He had become her lover, her friend as August- yet at the same time it would always be right to call him Mr. Dimitri too. She had called him that for so long, and the memories of that time predominantly happy. Only in retrospect could she realize they were happy times. He belonged to the name Mr. Dimitri. He belonged to her in that way, in a way August didn't yet. That was the real fear it could be acknowledged, not that he might not come back but that if and when he did he would no longer be Mr.Dimitri but a stranger. She used it this time in anger, bitter irony at the position and respect that name held, but that wasn't the whole reason why.  
  
  
  
  
"Grace are you ok, I mean I know it's personal obviously and your business but --"  
  
  
"But?"  
  
  
"Does your mother know that you've been seeing him? That things were, I mean are --like that --"  
  
  
"What is 'like that'  
  
  
"You know."  
  
  
"No she doesn't. And I could ask you not to tell her but it doesn't matter now. If he's not here it can't hurt his career right now - he's removed from that. He removed himself. "  
  
  
"You know what she thinks about this , don't you."  
  
  
"That it's wrong. I know. And in all respect Judy. Or actually wait-- in truth, she's wrong. "   
  
  
"Grace I can understand the attraction to power. I mean the student teacher forbidden fruit thing is [pause] ..but ---"  
  
  
"It wasn't like that."  
  
  
"Ok. If you ask me not to tell her I can keep that promise."   
  
  
"I wouldn't ask you to do that."  
  
  
"What about him? I mean --"  
  
  
"August? August is about truth."  
  
  
"So are you-- keeping in contact or --"  
  
  
"I'd just like to go home ok."  
  
  
"Grace I am the last person that world to give you advice about this, but if you aren't talking to anyone else- your mother. I mean I know you're smart. But did anything ever-- Did you --"  
  
  
"Did I what!"  
  
  
"I know how complex relationships are and Grace this, I mean [smiling] is your first ,you know. I'm not passing judgement but if you did is it ---"  
  
  
"Of course we used protection. It's ok, really. Just can we--"  
  
  
"Yeah. Let's go."  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************~  
  
  
Alone in bed with eyes closed. The cd player turned and the Goo Goo Dolls song "Sympathy" played. As if you cry for goo goo dolls, God had it come to that in the end.....   
  
  
  
"It's hard to lead the life you choose  
All I wanted  
When all your luck's run out on you  
All I wanted  
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true  
  
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah  
You choke on the regrets yeah  
Who the hell did I think I was  
  
Stranger than your sympathy  
All these thoughts you stole from me  
I'm not sure where I belong  
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong  
  
And I wasn't all the things   
I tried to make believe I was  
And wouldn't I be the one to kneel  
Before the dreams I wanted  
And all the talk and all the lies  
Were all the empty things disguised as me..."  
  
  
  
  
~********************************~  
  
  
Grace held August's keys in her hand and stretching forward the key fit to perfection in the lock. A simple turn and the door opened. She had come every weekend since the day he had left. It had taken weeks to get over the initial resentment and pain. That he would do that. Could do that. What did it say about him. She had given her whole heart and her body to him and he had left her. But she came to realize he had not left her. He had left them. The them of that time, that moment and that was different somehow. It had not been an abandonment in the tradional sense-- it had been a choice. A choice between the present and the future. She fought against the very remoteness that it had been right. She lost the battle. He had been right, although there was still some reserve in that sentiment. He had chosen the future. To make an attempt at what could be instead of settling for the beaten road. The path they were on was paved with good intentions and construction and traffic control officers. By leaving her August had in fact taken her hand and forcefully lead her off that asphalt road.   
  
  
There was no reason to come every weekend she soon told herself. The neighbourhood was decent and safe, no risk of burglary. Not that August had much worth taking. Unique items of sentimental value mostly. Maybe his computer and stereo system she mused. Or his book of poems but that had already been taken. She watered the plants and laughed at August's gardening philosophy because in each of the plant potters she had found small lamenated cards with passages, quotes or original thoughts. The cards were then duck taped to toothpicks and stuck in the fertilized soil. That had been a surprise. There was no one else like him certainly. The Hyacinth plant bore the legend "Richard- may he keep up appearances". She had laughed out loud when she discovered that. She knew August was an avid follower of british sitcoms and the "Keeping Up Appearances" reference in all it's meaningful connotations was hillarious. Bold, ambitious and absolutely August. He had the touch though with plants. Definitely a green thumb. Actually a whole green vibe in general. Grace looked through his closet once where his suits and shirts hung. The yellow tie he had not bothered to pack was on the back of an arm chair in the bedroom. Would he miss that if it were no longer there when he returned? If it found a new home somewhere else.   
On the fridge she varied the message displayed by the poetry magnets. But predominately the words always came back to the same endless message. If he were to come home suddenly.... but she knew that wasn't happening anytime soon. He had said he wouldn't write or call.   
  
  
  
  
~*********************************~  
  
  
In the back row of her senior english class Grace was writing. If there was an exception to every rule this day was hers. Clear concise words sprang to mind and stabbed the page. Words that had the power to draw blood. To needle where it was still tender to the very vein of unspoken thoughts. She hesistated a moment to push a piece of loose hair behind her ear.  
  
  
  
"Grace."  
  
  
  
She looked up to the seat ahead of her were Ajay had turned her way.  
  
  
  
"Are you auditioning for the play. It was posted that first auditions are tonight."  
  
  
"Why would you even ask that. Of course I am." [she lowered her voice more noticing the teacher look up at the desk]  
  
  
"I just wondered."  
  
  
"Don't. Don't wonder. I mean , at all. "  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~********************************~  
  
  
  
Beautiful heartbreaking singing. And the spotlight on the stage struck amber hair. Poignant and incredibly real.  
  
  
"April ~~come she will  
When streams are ripe and swelled with rain  
There she will stay  
Resting in my arms again  
  
June ~~she'll change her tune  
In restless walks she'll prowl the night  
  
July ~~she will fly  
And give no warning to her flight  
  
August ~~die she will  
The autumn winds blow chilly and cold.  
  
September ~~I'll remember  
A love once new has grown old."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~******************************~  
  
  
In a darkened theatre filled with hushed voices, sarcasm and gossip....  
  
  
  
"Mr. Dimitri?"  
  
  
"Yes, Carol."  
  
  
"I thought I lost you for a minute."  
  
  
"No. No . To do that it would have to mean I was with you at some point earlier and I'm not sure I have been tonight. My apologies , please continue."  
  
  
"So I'm thinking -- Ann. She was heads above the rest of the auditions. Her voice projection, sense of character, in fact she would be perfect for this."  
  
  
Dimitri's head shot up. Shot through the heart.   
  
  
[Angry] "Perfect?"  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************************~   
  
  
"Grace there's a package here for you. It's from the University of Santa Barbara. You didn't apply there did you?" Lily asked excitement barely contained.   
  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
  
  
Lily's excitement does not go unheard or unreturned. But Lily doesn't quite get that. Grace takes the package and looks at it. Her heart skips a beat because it couldn't be. Grace walked out of the room and into the living room without anything further.  
There was no way it could be. It was useless to raise hope. It was something she had always been denied and had been told by many in her life was not for her. To hope. The tape was not coming off fast enough. To look for scissors or continue fighting with this package? The scissors were in the kitchen , and the package seemed ready to give a little. It was paper. Printed pages. Nothing hand written not even a post it note. Hope is for the hopeless, either you have something or you don't.  
  
  
  
"And I'm the type that does ever have anything. Not really."  
  
  
  
She removed the pages from the envelope. It has a cover page which she gave a quick glance before turning over. Of course that's was it. He was a teacher and to push him into any other role had been futile. A useless exercise. That was the cruelty, that yes everything had meaning but then the double edged sword of it being that in the same breath everything means something different to each person. There is no such thing as one universal truth. Rashmon. Even though she had thought they were like in mind and in the cardiac of the heart maybe that was true. But not true enough. Having what you thought was the same point of view with someone is possible. But only as a thought because in reality it's an impossibility. He was a teacher that was how he saw himself. Evidently always would be , her teacher. And for her? Always as the hero. Be it a hero you despise for his morals and goodness, or one you love for those very qualities. A hero can be a teacher. And a teacher can be a hero. But the teacher never accepts he is the hero. Obviously he wanted her to read this. It was the first attempt at any kind of contact he had made. At least it was something. And if he wanted to return to the past, loving him she had no choice. He was labouring with the oars of the boat and she didn't have the strengh to either help him or protest the direction they were going anymore. The pages turned rapidly in a fanning motion as she considered the volume of the work. Four acts and an epilogue. There were notations in the margins. Directions but not for her she thought. The last pages writing in blue ink stood out. She lost the end page for a moment and moved her finger to bring it back.   
  
  
  
"The true beloveds of this world are in their lover's eyes lilacs opening, ship lights, school bells, a landscape, remembered conversations, friends, a child's Sunday, lost voices, one's favorite suit, autumn and all seasons, memory, yes, it being the earth and water of existence, memory. "  
Other Voices, Other Rooms, 1948   
TRUMAN CAPOTE  
  
Have you ever heard Bobby Darin, "By the Sea"? In my thoughts she stays. And the she is always you.  
Missing August?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Goo goo dolls - truth is a whisper~~  
"You know all I am  
Feel this moment in you  
You know all I am  
Can you teach me to believe in something  
  
Sometimes you choke on the smell   
Just to breathe  
I need to question what I need  
Rhythm of silence   
That beats through your mind  
Still you forget what you deny...  
  
Who's the one you answer to  
Do you listen when he speaks  
Or is everything for you  
And do you find it hard to sleep  
Or is it easy on your own  
Will you ever find some peace  
Before you're gone" 


	11. When Bobby Sings

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS .... BUT THEY OWN ME. OR AT LEAST A PLACE IN MY HEART.   
  
REVIEWS: BECAUSE I'M A REALLY INTERESTING PERSON, OF COURSE I DON'T READ REVIEWS. I'M SERIOUS. UMM TOTALLY. BUT IF ANYBODY FEELS COMPELED TO REVIEW I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY NOT READ IT EVER :D  
  
CHAPTER NOTE: I've sort of been just letting my story sit around and get picked up occasionally, but I've decided I need my life to change. And I'm using this story to change it. So from now on expect regular updates more often then they have been ...At least I'll try my best. Because you'll be watching, right? Am I the only one who is sorry August is almost over (once again I mean the month!) because I've kind of got kick out of writing dates lately on paper, in my checkbook etc. Any excuse to write it really. lol guilty. But then another part of me is looking forward to the fall with nostalga because that was when I first met the one who would alter my life, Mr. August Dimitri. After you read this chapter I really encourage everyone to learn the wonderful songs included. For your own enrichment if nothing else. If you want to know who I am ..listen to Holly McNarland's "Beautiful Blue" (Quick plug for KazaaLite!). If I could sing, I would want to sing that to Eric Stoltz. Do review and let me know what you think of the chapter or the song. Or both. Last piece should be "Water is Wide" sung by Sarah McLachlan, Jewel and Indigo Girls live (plug plug).   
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way."  
DORIS LESSING  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
WHEN BOBBY SINGS  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Grace was in her mother's room. Really not what you think. Seated at the computer a small green light on near the speaker. A flannel clad Grace with her hair up in a jaunty ponytail. And the song that played out speaking to her, through her. A message or something? Bobby Darin's voice came forth to penetrate the silence,  
  
  
  
"Somewhere beyond the sea  
somewhere waiting for me  
my lover stands on golden sands  
and watches the ships that go sailin  
  
Somewhere beyond the sea  
she's there watching for me  
If I could fly like birds on high  
then straight to her arms   
I'd go sailin'  
  
It's far beyond the stars  
it's near beyond the moon  
I know beyond a doubt  
my heart will lead me there soon  
  
We'll meet beyond the shore  
we'll kiss just as before  
Happy we'll be beyond the sea  
and never again I'll go sailin'  
  
I know beyond a doubt  
my heart will lead me there soon  
We'll meet (I know we'll meet) beyond the shore  
We'll kiss just as before  
Happy we'll be beyond the sea  
and never again I'll go sailin'  
  
no more sailin'  
so long sailin'  
bye bye sailin'..."  
  
  
  
  
There were so many unanswered questions. Was he teaching again? What was he doing in California and who was he doing it with. Was he teaching and running the Drama Club there, or was this little pet project something else apart from the scholastic. Did he know what she was doing and would he even be interested. It was a stupid question, of course he would be, but who could possibly tell him. She took up the envelope resting on the desk and fingered the return address afflixed in the upper corner. There was no name associated with the address on it but she had a feeling it would not be the deans office from U of SB. If seemed wildly improbable.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~************************************~  
  
  
  
  
"You better be careful Mr. Lucas"  
  
  
  
He smiled amused, "What do you mean?"  
  
  
  
"With Grace Manning"  
  
  
  
"I don't get it-"  
  
  
  
"The last teacher- drama teacher- who cast her as the lead. I mean you must have heard they ended up having this whole affair and it ended with him resigning. They got caught having sex at some movie theatre by another students parents. Can you imagine! Nobody really got the details I don't think but it was very compromising anyway. I just thought you should know."  
  
  
  
"And this was proven."  
  
  
  
"Ask anybody."  
  
  
  
"Oh"  
  
  
  
"Of course it's not mentioned a lot. He was a really popular teacher and a lot of people wish he had come back. They only suspended him, which surprises me given the facts. But I guess the schoolboard took a lenient stand because he was a really good teacher. It was a big surprise. For a while we thought he might come back-"  
  
  
  
"Did you want him to?"   
  
  
  
"You bet. I mean gossip in the right measure is good. And this was the right kind of gossip. Mr.Dimitri was poised on the verge of stardom."   
  
  
  
"Some kind of stardom."  
  
  
  
"You're telling me-"  
  
  
  
"What about Grace? Was she exonerated in the eyes of her peers-"  
  
  
  
"I don't know. I don't really know her that well."  
  
  
  
"I see."  
  
  
  
  
Mr.Lucas leaned back in his seat and looked to the empty stage.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*******************************************~  
  
  
  
Judy lifted another book onto the shelf avoiding the questioning looks and Nazi like countenance of her sister. Being a few years older was no reason to claim anymore understanding of the world then another. But then again Lily had always liked Orwell in school, she had made her self believe it was for the morality of the tale. But possibly the thought-police were the more lingering concept.   
  
  
  
"So you saw them-"  
  
  
  
"Lily I shouldn't have said anything, I-"   
  
  
  
"No. I mean I'm glad you did. Because at least I know."  
  
  
  
"Are you going to talk to her about it?"  
  
  
  
"I don't know. I mean obviously she doesn't think she can talk with me."   
  
  
  
"You aren't angry?"  
  
  
  
"It think I got past angry a while back. I've just moved on to been stunned. I mean that this man-"  
  
  
  
"Any man."  
  
  
  
"Would be interested in her like that-"  
  
  
  
"In her? Of course-"  
  
  
  
"And that she would let him. That she would even know how to do those kind of things- with him. With anybody."  
  
  
  
"Well she's your daughter Lily-"  
  
  
  
"It's not funny. I mean it's horrible."  
  
  
  
"Is he horrible."  
  
  
  
"No [pause]. That's the worst thing, I don't think he is. But I should think he is. I should."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************~  
  
  
It was November 20th that she got the phone call. He was at a gas stop about an hour outside of town and on his way home. Did she have the key. Waiting for him outside his house she looked up as his car pulled up and he got out. There was a silence as he approached, Grace looked down. Dimitri adjusted his tie. They both took a moment to compose the lines that would follow , looking up she smiled with only her lips.   
  
  
"You don't know what it's been like."  
  
  
  
"Yes I do. If I could have explained things maybe it would have changed something. But I couldn't explain not even to myself. I tried to rationalize, justify a reason why we couldn't be together."   
  
  
  
"And-"  
  
  
  
"There was no reason. Other than me. I told you I was using you to change. But the fact was I just kept using you and I never changed. It's hard to forget that."   
  
  
  
"And this play? Did that change you-"  
  
  
  
"No. It didn't."  
  
  
  
"Hmmf. California - what was it like being there?"  
  
  
  
"It was- but you should know Grace , I mean you were there."  
  
  
  
"I -"  
  
  
  
"You were every single place I went. Everywhere I've been and will be. Tell me is it ever scary to hold that much power", he looked up.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***********************************************~  
  
  
In a litte nightclub in the core of downtown August and Grace were sitting on stools. No one had looked any askance when they walked in. Do it with confidence or don't do it all might well be a motto. The Buddists must have missed that one, or did they. Maybe Zen? It was one of those too smoky after hours places that was not so much a club as a stopever place. A terminal where nothing ever came or left or changed, but you kept expecting it to.   
  
  
  
  
"I really like this song", August said a little louder than Grace would have liked.   
  
  
  
She opened her mouth to say something and stopped holding it open for a moment. It surprised him, just that simple gesture was stunning. He was smiling with no control at all. Her eyes looking to the side caught it. And she smiled.  
  
  
  
  
  
"If I were say, to ask you to dance. Would you consider it?  
  
  
  
"Here."  
  
  
  
"No out there. [she gestured to the floor]  
  
  
  
"You're sure", he asked.  
  
  
  
  
  
She smiled eyes sparkling. He took her hand and lead her to the floor. She felt him reach out to her and momentarily recoiled then leaned in. Her head resting on his right shoulder. He just smelt so good and it wasn't just the hair it was everything. He felt the tension as she held on tighter. As guitars strummed...  
  
  
  
"From the picture on the wall  
To the back post that touched them all  
This is where I live  
This is where I do my screaming  
  
How do you say  
I'll love you in so many other ways  
This is where I live  
This is what I do best  
  
Dreaming with so much ugliness  
Wake your not to old  
It's beautiful you.  
Beautiful you.  
  
La La La-La La Laaa~~  
  
From the time I walked in  
To the point that were both arguing  
This is how I've been  
This is where I start screaming  
How to you say  
I've always loved this way  
This is where I live  
This is what I do best  
  
Dreaming with so much ugliness  
Wake your not to old   
And beautiful blue  
Is beautiful you..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************************~  
  
  
  
Grace's cell phone started ringing. She jumped slightly not yet use to having it with her. It was during a break from rehearsals of Ophelia, Mr.Lucas' Shakespeare adaptation. Quickly hitting the button answering she started to move towards the stage door and outside.  
  
  
  
"Yes. Hello-"  
  
  
  
Rick's voice tight restrained, "Grace it's your mother-"  
  
  
  
"What happened?"   
  
  
  
"Nothing serious we hope, but she's asking for you to come-"  
  
  
  
"Where" [her voice faltering].  
  
  
  
"County."  
  
  
  
"Ok."  
  
  
  
  
She hung up and looked up.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************************~  
  
  
  
In the hospital waiting room Jessie was sitting with her father. Zoe and Judy were in visiting with Lily. Grace came out of the room and sat down in silence staring at the floor. Rick lightly brushed Jessie's arm  
  
  
  
  
"Sweetie."  
  
  
"Yea. It's ok."  
  
  
  
  
He got up and moved to sit next to Grace, stopping midway when Grace looked up. But she wasn't looking at him he realized. Grace quickly moved past him and into the arms of a red head in a long black coat.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~"There is a ship that sailed the sea  
She's loaded deep as deep can be  
And not as deep as the love I have  
I don't know how I sink or swim  
The water is wide  
I can't cross o'  
And neither have I wings to fly  
Give me a boat that can carry two  
And both shall roam   
My love and I." 


	12. Paraleipsis

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ....BUT I HAVE A VISION OF THEM THAT LINGERS AS MY OWN AND REMAINS. WHETHER IT BE A TRUE VISION OR NOT - IT IS MINE.  
  
  
REVIEWS: THANK YOU! FINALLY A CRITISM! AND NOT AN UNWARRANTED ONE. EVERYONE NEEDS TOUGH LOVE..SO THANK YOU (SJ). USE FEWER LYRICS DIMITRI'S DECIPLE SAYS- A REAL WRITER WOULD. MAYBE..BUT IF YOU'RE JUST WAITING FOR ME TO BEAR MY SOUL? FORGET IT! BESIDES I HAVE STRONG FEELINGS WHEN IT COMES TO MUSIC. I THINK MANY OF US DO. IN FACT SOMEONE I "KNOW" WELL ONCE SAID "I think music is much more politically vital these days than film. There are exceptions, of course." giggle...  
  
  
  
CHAPTER NOTE: Expect a few chapters this week. Because there just hasn't been enough fan fiction happening around here lately and I'm desperate. Even if I have to write it myself. The cool thing about writing this story though is I can say in all honestly I never know what is going to happen either. I don't head into these chapters with a plan at all...because things can't always so according to plan anyway! Sometimes what happens surprises even me. I just start the first paragraph and then the rest...hffff (insert indescribable Dimitri shrug). Sometimes I even disagree with certain actions taken but honestly what say do I have in the matter. Inspiration? I only really have one...   
  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Grace Kelly. You know it's funny, you know that's the sort of woman I thought I'd end up with. You know someone with that kind of grace. When we hit it off it surprised me- I thought my dream girl would be blond, I thought she'd be coy..."  
FROM THE FILM "GRACE OF MY HEART"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
PARALEIPSIS  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Grace broke apart the connection with August and taking his hand lead him over to a plastic chair. Rick took a moment to compose what he would say. He was at a loss for words. What do you say to a peer someone of your age group who just openly admitted to ambiguous associations with your step-daughter. Was there a book on that subject? Toasts for every occasion right..but what about this one. Rick had always been slightly uncomfortable with him from the first even in those tentative encounters back when. He was too smooth, too controlled , too charismatic. Even in his speech at the cast party that night he had known just what to say. There was something disturbing about that. It didn't add up that a real person could be that way. Was this man genuine or struggling to hide something, someone. Rick raising his eyes found them meeting blue ones. Decided, defiant blue ones. Challenging that an opposition could be made. Rick looked aside and down, and found himself seeing their hands. Grace's slim hand in his. Tight. It was "him" because Rick had not yet found the right classification. Mr.Dimitri seemed highly inappropriate but August just didn't roll of the tip of the tongue. The hands at least classed one thing and neatly arranged one piece in place. But the enigmatic puzzle was not yet solved. The cat must have hidden or eaten a piece because no resolution seemed forthcoming and possibly the needed element would never be found. Mr.Dimitri was to Rick an antipode and it was questionable they would ever see eye to eye. Rick wondered what he would do if he were in this man's position. If he were made to wear his shoes. They must be hard and cause blisters, callous'. It would be ineveitable. Suddenly Rick felt pity for him.   
  
  
  
  
"Grace- Did you call umm-"  
  
  
  
  
Grace acknowledged Rick's voice but looked to meet August's eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No she didn't", Dimitri said looking aside to Grace. "It was Judy."  
  
  
  
  
Rick [incredulous] , "Judy."  
  
  
  
  
Grace, "Judy."  
  
  
  
  
Dimitri lowered his voice , "She called me at home and told me what happened. She thought Grace would need somebody here. I happen to agree."  
  
  
  
  
Rick with a measured pace leapt in, "Look Grace, I can't deal with this now. I'm not even sure it's my place. [ Looking to Dimitri ] But I don't think you should be here when Lily is released. The doctor was running some tests but she should be released anytime and- What are we going to do about this? I mean it can't continue-"  
  
  
  
  
  
Dimitri sighed. Placing his fingers together. Here is the church, here is the steeple,open the doors and see all the people...  
  
  
  
  
  
"I understand that she's not your student anymore but that-"   
  
  
  
  
"Oh yes. That was seen too-"   
  
  
  
  
Did his tone sound too flat. Why did it come out like that? Dimitri questioned himself.  
  
  
  
  
"It doesn't mean it can just happen like this. That you walk in here."   
  
  
  
  
"And what?"  
  
  
  
  
"And whatever it is you think you're doing."  
  
  
  
  
"I'm not trying to hurt anyone here. You think I'm hurting Grace. She's not a child that needs sheltering. I don't think anyone in this room realizes that-".   
  
  
  
  
  
It was an all encompassing term ; anyone. Why did he say that? Maybe he meant even Grace and maybe she needed to hear that. Stop this his mind told him. This is the way heart-attacks start isn't it. Sharp shooting pain in the head and loss of clear vision. Then oof. But at least I'm in the right place.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can't believe you would-"  
  
  
  
  
"What see her. I see her. I question whether any of you really do. You think Grace would be pressured into something she didn't want. You think anybody could make her lay down and give in. Then you don't know Grace."  
  
  
  
  
"Mr.Dimitri", Jessie felt she had to do something.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dimitri stopped and looked over. Resigned. He got up and without looking back started to walk towards the hall. Grace got up.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can't believe you!"  
  
  
  
  
"Grace , where are you going", Rick called after her gently.  
  
  
  
  
"Where do you think."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Outside in the crisp cold August was to be found. He was leaning against the brick wall of the hospital and let out the breath he was holding in. Grace approaced and he ran his hand along the sleeve for her coat. His own trench fluttering open to reveal a suit and tie underneath it all.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"They're right I should go."   
  
  
  
  
"Then I'm coming with you."  
  
  
  
  
He looked at her moment. "Ok"  
  
  
  
  
  
Judy came hurrying out of the main doors of the hospital. Glass doors with suction making a noise as they closed. The sound a refrigerator makes when it closes. Prohibiting the viewing of the contents of the fridge. Hiding the inside from the outer world. Protecting the fruit in the crisper.  
  
  
  
  
"Grace! Look , I'm sorry I didn't know how serious things were. I just-"  
  
  
  
"It's ok. Really. I'm glad mom's ok. I was worried too and it's ok you called August. I'm glad you did. But, I just wish everybody would stop being the way they are. Always feeling everything needed an explanation. Some things defy reason. [ She turned to August ] And I didn't need you to defend me or anything back there-"  
  
  
  
"I know that. But it seemed to need somebody to say something , didn't it."   
  
  
  
Grace conceded, "I guess."  
  
  
  
Judy added, "Personally I found myself at a loss of words a lot when I first met Rick. You know the conversations just seemed to flounder and never really get anywhere. But once you get to know him he's not half bad-"  
  
  
  
"Flounder?" , Dimitri's voice smiled.  
  
  
  
  
Judy laughed.  
  
  
  
  
"You know I like you." Dimitri pointed his long slim finger at Judy. "You're very pukka"  
  
  
  
"I make you puke a?"  
  
  
  
"No pukka. It means genuine. You know pukka sahib. Someone worthy of honour and respect. You seem like that to me. [Dimitri looked to Grace , then with a light cuckle] Ok, so I read the dictionary a lot as a young child."  
  
  
  
Dimitri started to make towards the visitor parking. And Grace moved to follow but Judy's voice stopped her momentarily.  
  
  
  
"You know I like him."   
  
  
  
  
  
Grace got in the passenger seat and Dimitri opened the driver door. He waved over the top to the silver vehicle to Judy and called out, "Hey Jude!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~********************************~  
  
  
  
Lily and Grace were in the kitchen. And Lily was preparing supper. A raw skinless chicken breast on the counter, vegetables in bags. Sharp shining knives here and there.  
  
  
  
"He won't just vanish like you want him to. I won't let him and I won't let you. This is who I am. You may not be able to accept it , but it's honest and I can't pretend it's not. This is who I am. [slight laugh] You think I don't realize how old he is, how impractible, how wrong it all is. I'm not stupid. I know what people will see, but I've decided. You may never understand -"  
  
  
  
"Make me understand , Grace. Just give me a reason to accept this-"  
  
  
  
"He's gorgeous. He's smart. The way it feels to be with him..."  
  
  
  
"Grace-"  
  
  
  
"Don't worry I'll spare you the details of our sex life. But it's a reason too-"  
  
  
  
"Oh Grace."  
  
  
  
"He completes everything. He makes me feel things I didn't think I ever would. I want to feel them with him. He's my anchor. [a vague gesture with arms] He just -is."  
  
  
  
"Look Grace it's not just my objection. There's the legality of the situation. He's still a teacher even if it's not at Upton Sinclair. You said he's at some university now. How do you think they would view this? What about his friends, or yours? I'm just concerned that neither one of you have a grasp of the complete picture. "  
  
  
  
  
  
Lily reached over to turn on the stove.   
  
  
  
  
  
"You know I ended that story. The one is was working on last spring."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~******************************~  
  
  
  
  
Grace walked to her locker and started to put her books in when Cynthia approached her. Bake sale posters on the wall, it was that time of year again.   
  
  
  
  
"So I saw you got the lead in Ophelia. Congrats. I mean it seems like it should really be something"  
  
  
  
"Yea"  
  
  
  
"At least we didn't have to sing for the rehearsals", Cynthia said rolling her eyes.  
  
  
  
"Oh. I know. I mean I though last time I would die."  
  
  
  
"Me too. When you brought out that pitch pipe last year I was ,like, somewhere between horror and envy. Why didn't I think of that. But then I thought I bet Mr.Dimitri runs up there and steals that pitch pit. Like, throws it away all dramatically and insists you seize the moment.  
  
  
  
Grace laughed. "Something he wouldn't be above doing."  
  
  
  
"The guy was wacked-" , Cynthia stopped abruptly.  
  
  
  
"Yea. He was" , Grace said filling the ackward moment of silence.  
  
  
  
"But kinda cool too".  
  
  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
"So. Mr. Lucas has posted that the schedules can be picked up for rehearsals. And the scripts. It looks neat, and he put a neat contemporary twist on the whole thing. Ophelia's speech at the end of the play-"  
  
  
  
"I know."  
  
  
  
"Well".  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************************~  
  
  
  
  
"Are you listening at all?" , Grace lamented.  
  
  
  
"Do you remember when I started to tell you about the three sisters in Greek tragedy. I don't think I ever did get to tell you. The three mythological graces were nature goddesses. Aglaia was brilliance. Thalia was flowering. And the last Europhrosyme, meant joy."  
  
  
  
"August!"  
  
  
  
"Okay. I'm listening. What did she say?". He leaned back on the couch and brought his feet up to his chest. Almost a fetal position. Causing Grace to stop and lose her train of thought..  
  
  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
  
  
Dimitri smiled looking up his hair askew, "Callisthenics. Exercises that promote strengh--and grace."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~Amazing Grace  
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound  
That saved a wretch like me  
I once was lost, but now I'm found  
Was blind, but now I see.   
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear  
And grace that fear relieved  
How precious did that grace appear  
The hour I first believed.   
Through many dangers, toils, and snares  
I have already come  
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far  
And grace will lead me home .." 


	13. Oh, Yes, She's Mentioned You

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ....BUT I AM GRACE AND I AM DIMITRI. THAT'S WHY THEY INSPIRE ME, THEY ARE NOT JUST CHARACTERS THEY ARE SOMETHING MUCH MORE.   
  
  
REVIEWS: Let me know... "How did you feel? About the experience." Hmmm you say...let's see I like fanfiction and new chapters so whatever shall I do today. I know: I shall write a review and it will be ever so nice. I caution you to remember that nice is for shrimp salads, and grandmothers. I'm not interested in nice :D but I'll take in a pinch :)  
  
  
  
CHAPTER NOTE: This chapter is dedicated to Grace. She was incredible even before Mr. Dimitri came and maybe that's why we love him so much..he was he first person to make her realize that. He crept into our hearts (some more slowly then others) with his restlessness that was weirdly charismatic. And that touched our hearts. So this chapter is for the girl with the loneliest eyes...and the man with the saddest smile I've ever seen. Music ...well I've finally come round to Ella and I have something really special for the next chapter I say as I walk away whistling "Five Hundred Miles" and turning out the lights...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You don't even have friends. You have followers." DR. KATE AUSTIN   
  
  
  
  
  
  
OH, YES, SHE'S MENTIONED YOU  
  
  
  
Grace was standing on the black stage, green tape marking the place to stand for the correct lighting. You don't want to ever disturb convention and be somewhere in the shadows. The people who cared about you in the audience well they expected allumination and highlights on you. Didn't they deserve that? To inflict bitter disappontment was cruel. But occasionally you've got to be cruel to be kind. I mean it's a very good sign. Pacing pacing bidding time until.... until the curtain would fall and end the current play. The senseless drama that was better read backwards. Dyslexic grasp if you attempted any other way. It's impossible to understand the story as it happens, only in hindsight and in reverse do things become clear. "Last scene of all that ends this strange eventful history,...." , but that was another play. Maybe I'll find a way to make it back someday. She turned away a moment before gracing the stage with confidence and strength. Ever the experienced performer. She took in a deep breath and began,  
  
"They call my beloved crazy eccentric. A mad man in a sane man's guise. The very saying of his name brings forth thought of it's meaning. Princely , why he is only an honourable ruler in an unhonourable ........  
  
  
  
  
~***********************************~  
  
  
"I'm thinking of this for Act 2. What do you think?"   
  
He put the cd on and moved away towards his desk, as Grace sat down in the worn leather chair near the window. Sitting sideways with her feet dangling over the arm she rested her head on the smooth leather, and closed her eyes. Midway through the song she asked, "What is it?" Distracted Dimitri limited his answer to one word ,"Ella". "Oh" , she called back. But who was Ella?  
  
"I don't know what day it is  
Or if it's dark or fair  
Somehow, that's just the way it is  
And I don't really care  
  
I go to this or that place  
I seem alive and well  
My head is just a hat place  
My breast an empty shell  
And I've a faded dream to sell  
  
All alone, all at sea  
Why does nobody care for me?  
When there's no love to hold my love  
Why is my heart so frail?  
Like a ship without a sail.  
  
Out on the ocean,  
Sailors can use a chart  
I'm on the ocean  
Guided by just a lonely heart  
  
Still alone, still at sea  
Still there's no one to care for me  
When there's no hand to hold my hand  
Life is a loveless tale  
For a ship without a sail  
  
(Bridge)  
  
Still alone, still at sea  
Still there's no one to care for me  
When there's no hand to hold my hand  
Life is a loveless tale  
For a ship without a sail"  
  
  
  
Grace was watching August typing away at his computer. The rhythm of fingers striking keys a soothing sound. The gentle clicking etching away. The way his hands moved and his forearms visible past the rolled up cuffs of his ocean blue shirt. He swiveled his chair round to face her when she began to speak.   
  
"Tell me something why do you always choose songs like that?"  
  
"Like what?" [amused]  
  
"The water, the ships ,the birds and the hopelessness. Is it what you feel that life is or--"  
  
"No." He paused slowly one foot at a time propelling his chair towards her across the vast distance between his work area to the more disorganized and yes, rumpled regions of the living room. "It's not like that at all. Plays are heightened realities and the very extremeness of their nature supports these type of songs. They are extremely sad."  
  
"So they're meant to mean something. As messages--"  
  
"I think so," Dimitri said running his hand through his hair. "I think these songs recognize the inate unhappiness that is possible and remind us that regardless there is something more important. The message of the play is really that for every hopeless person there is another corresponding person who is there to say it's not hopeless. You are not without hope ,--and beauty. It reminds the blessed that they have a job and that is to share that beauty with the world...even if it only saves one of the lonely."  
  
"You think it's a choice, I mean happiness or unhappiness."  
  
"I think it's like--well people are like Muppets. You know, Jim Henson- Muppets?" [ his hand made a vague movement through the air ]  
  
Grace looked at him and rolled her eyes, "I know Muppets"  
  
"Well each puppet is unique and different. But they're all the same too. But then they're nothing alike really." He started to move his chair back towards the desk. "And you have wonder how much effect the puppeteer has on the way we understand their actions. Or if the puppeteer matters at all- maybe all they do is hold the strings?"  
  
"August." He stopped and looked at her, really looked at her, "Yes Grace"  
  
"Why the mysticism of the water?"  
  
"When I was young we lived by the sea. My family. My mother she used to love the water and I remember she would take us kids to the beach. She always wore a wide brimmed hat and these massive glasses. The glasses were atrocious but it was something I've never forgotten. I would sit in the sand building castles and she would wade in the water. I was always angry that the waves would wash away my castles before they could even be begun. I couldn't ever catch the vision I wanted for them. My mother she loved the water saying it was the everlasting beauty. Me I liked the sand : the heat, the warmth, the very color of it and the water always took the sand away. Once I started digging a hole , determined it would be the biggest hole, I never expected it to go to China or anything like that. I just loved to dig it and watch it grow deeper. You know we should go to the beach sometime. "  
  
"Do you miss your mother?"  
  
"Yes.", he paused then added with a smile, "Plus I have endless visions of you in a bikini"  
  
Grace shuddered, and he laughed , "An itsy bitsy one. With yellow dots of course--", what he was saying trailed off....  
  
"When I was small I used to paint our house with paint brushes and a bucket of water. I remember once I had a sitter and she refused to let me paint the house that way. I don't know why , I don't if I did even then know the reasoning. I screamed and yelled and I hated that sitter. Seriously! All I wanted to do was paint the house with water and I don't know why. But there was beauty, purpose and importance for that child of 6 or 7 to do that. You think that's symbolistic?"  
  
"I don't know Grace . I never claimed to have the answers, only the questions."  
  
"You know when I first met you that's what I hated about you. That you acted like you knew everything. I told Eli that once and well-- I won't say what he said."  
  
"Funny thing. That infuriated me about you- you seemed to have the answers. But you weren't letting anyone know them and it was a waste."   
  
"Maybe we were both right. Maybe we each have the answers to the other's questions?"  
  
"A lovely thought."  
  
"It's was actually only a question."  
  
  
August slide his chair full tilt back to his desk and resumed his work. Typing and occasionally thumbing through the Webster's.   
  
  
"Can we have a happy song?"  
  
He looked back to Grace. "I would like nothing more." He rose and walked over to the stereo changing the track. She smiled as the music begin but it was not a completely happy smile. It was reluctant and pained, imbedded with things time had not yet healed. Bended not yet mended. Ella asked "Aren't you glad we did it?" , the question was answered without words. ...  
  
  
"Oh, it really wasn't my intention  
To disregard convention  
It was just an impulse  
That had to be obeyed.  
  
Though it seems convention we've been scorning  
I'll still not go in mourning  
Though my reputation  
Is blemished, I'm afraid.  
  
With just one kiss  
What heaven, what rapture, what bliss  
  
Honestly, I thought you wouldn't.  
Naturally, you thought you couldn't.  
And probably we shouldn't.  
But aren't you kind of glad we did?  
  
Actually, it all was blameless.  
Nevertheless, they'll call it shameless  
So let's keep the lady nameless  
But aren't you kind of glad we did?  
  
Socially, I'll be an outcast  
Obviously, we dined alone  
On my good name there will be doubt cast  
With never a sign of any chaperone.  
  
No matter how they may construe it  
Whether or not, we have to rue it  
Whatever made us do it  
Say, aren't you kind of glad we did?  
  
(instrumental bridge)  
  
Whatever made us do it  
Say, aren't you kind of glad we did it .."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************************~  
  
  
  
  
"So are we inviting him over for Christmas or what --", Rick asked changing channels with the remote.  
  
  
"What you think?"   
  
  
"I think Lil it would be a heck of an interesting proposition." Rick said turning over the remote and sliding the minute trap door aside to check for batteries and life.  
  
  
"Hmmmf. Not under my roof I won't have any interesting happenings going on. Besides does he have a religion? I mean for all we know he's atheist or one of those people who are anti-holidays."  
  
  
"Actually I think he mentioned something about having his own religion."  
  
  
"Like a cult or something?"  
  
  
"I think more the 'or something'. He told me about invocations the other day but then he just walked away and never explained what he meant by it all."   
  
  
"That's weird."  
  
  
"Upanistads I think he said. Anyway I just thought it might be nice."  
  
  
"Did you say nice?"  
  
  
"So what about Jessie?", Rick asked.  
  
  
"You mean about her inviting her friend Katie. Why not? Katie seems very nice and I like the girl........"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************************~  
  
  
  
  
She surprised him his last night as much as any man could be pleasantly surprised in his own home. He came home to find his power turned off. He was surprised. The block had been lit hadn't it? He stumbled to the kitchen counter and laid his satchel atop it then he stopped noticing a candle in the other room. And there he was moved by Grace in a completely unanticipated direction. She had candles perched on his tables, stereo box, even the bookshelves threatening to send everything he owned up in smoke.   
  
  
  
"This is a fire hazard you know", he said literally falling into a nearby chair in mild stupour.  
  
  
"If you can't take the heat ---" , she teased.  
  
  
"I never said that," he came towards her standing very close . Much much too close.. Just standing that way.  
  
  
"Wait !" Grace skipped across the room for a moment then returning to find him back in the chair. "Tonight we do things according to my plan."  
  
  
  
She put a finger over his lips and gently traced the outline of them. Then raised her other hand to trace his features with both hands. Her fingers lingering longest over his eyebrows and their pale orangeness. She had never seen, let alone touched orange eyebrows. With one hand in his hair she let the other slide down his neck and play with his gold chain. Grace bent in and kissed him. It was a very long familiar kiss and his arms went around her waist drawing her down and into the chair She broke away.   
  
  
  
"Ahhhhhhhh" the sound escaped from him.   
  
  
  
Shakira's "Undeneath Your Clothes" began to play and Grace's slowly started to undress August. Running her hands through this shoulder length softness. Guitar strumming, winter nights, snow.  
  
  
  
  
"You're a song  
Written by the hands of God  
Don't get me wrong 'cuz  
This might sound to you a bit odd  
But you own the place  
Where all my thoughts go hiding  
And right under your clothes  
Is where I find them  
  
Because of you  
I forgot the smart ways to lie  
Because of you  
I'm running out of reasons to cry  
When the friends are gone  
When the party's over  
We will still belong to each other..."  
  
  
  
Simultaneously straddling him and unzipping him she smiled, and heaven help the man he smiled back. She stopped a moment and with both hands took the cross that was around his neck gently. She looked at it softly and with reverance touching it then suddenly dropping it forgotten in the moment.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*****************************************************~  
  
  
  
  
"So you'll be back for Christmas , right?" Grace hesitated over the question.   
  
  
"I'll call you. I'm dropping off these term results and exam grades, and a couple of other things then-- I'll call."   
  
  
"I think I have a song for you."  
  
  
He took the cd she handed him, "You've got to be joking. Rod Stewart, the original 'do you think I'm sexy' shaggy haired rocker."  
  
  
"Yeah. [she tilts her head to the side slightly] Just listen to it. It's perfect for you."  
  
  
He took the disc and gave her a twisted smile as he put it in his briefcase snapping the closures.  
  
  
"I'll listen to it as soon as I can. Ok--"  
  
  
"Okay."  
  
  
"So-- Well ok--", he pressed her hand and then left her, walking off towards the boarding area and past the red rope that would seperate him from the person who he needed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*********************************************************~  
  
  
  
  
Piano introduction, questionable flutters of a flute. Stewart's rasp voice...  
  
  
  
"I am sailing  
I am sailing  
Home again cross the sea  
I am sailing  
Stormy waters to be near you  
To be free  
  
I am flying  
I am flying  
Like a bird cross the sky  
I am flying  
Passing high clouds  
To be where you  
To be free  
  
Can you hear me  
Can you hear me  
Through the dark night far away  
I am dying   
Forever crying  
To be with you who can say...."  
  
  
  
  
In his bachelor apartment that was all one room, but he used the term "open concept" living to this colleagues, he replayed the cd. The second track was simply put ideal. It had all the elements that would succeed on stage. There was even potential to whistle it...she was incredible. He put the disc away in it's case relunctantly. In the kitchen he was making a cup of english breakfast tea and turning the spoon blending in the cream with the bitter strength of the leaves. He began humming. A few words coming here and there. Otis Redding. Why didn't I think of that? Slight smile expanding into full out grin. Whistling to the tune "Sittin' on the dock of the bay". He walked over to his bed in the corner and layed down fully stretched out his tea mug balanced on his stomach.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~Put on my blue suede shoes  
And I boarded the plane  
Touched down in the land of the delta blues in the middle of the pouring rain  
W.C help me  
Won't you look down over me  
Yeah I got a first class ticket but I'm as blue as a boy can be  
But I'm walking in Memphis  
Was walking with my feet 10 feet off the beal  
Walking in Memphis  
But do I really feel the way I feel..." 


	14. Excuse Me Forgetting These Things I Do B...

DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS ....BUT THEY TOUCHED MY HEART, AND EVEN WHEN EVERYONE ELSE, POSSIBLY EVEN THE WRITERS OF O&A HAVE FORGOTTEN THEM...I WILL REMEMBER THEM.   
  
  
REVIEWS: Ohhhhh I'm so glad to see all the new people posting all those fabulous reviews at fanfiction for all the stories :D How great is that? I hope I can get in on a little of the action guys....as in PLEASE REVIEW MY STORY, because I need to know.. Like Emmet said as a person posting a story you always question "Are people really reading this?". We really want to know, even if it's just an anomynous "Hey" or one liner. It's time for a head count in Mr.Dimitri's virtual classroom so anyone reading this -review when your done...pleassssseeee.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER NOTE: Sorry about the absense of a chapter last week but I promise to make up for it:) As some of you know I had rather a hectic week, what with chasing men named "Bushy" in blue shirts and exchanging meaningful hand brushs with others **sigh**. I'm actually really excited to get back to the keyboard! Woo-WOW! Chapter title inspiration comes from Elton John "Your Song" which stuck in my mind months ago (I'm thinking May?) when there was a heated debate over Mr.Dimitri's beautiful eyes which if you look closely enough into them, they tell you all you need to know... This is just a short chapter but if there is enough interest- I can guarantee "Tantric Turkey" will follow soon...  
  
  
  
  
EMAIL; jeanl2@sympatico.ca  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I would take the opera-glass from her hands without a word, and felt at that minute that she was near me, that she was mine, that we could not live without each other; but by some strange misunderstanding, when we came out of the theatre we always said good-bye and parted as though we were strangers. Goodness knows what people were saying about us in the town already, but there was not a word of truth in it all!"  
ANTON CHEKHOV, ON LOVE   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
EXCUSE ME FORGETTING THESE THINGS I DO- BUT I'VE FORGOTTEN IF THEY'RE GREEN OR THEY'RE BLUE...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
August's alarm clock went off shattering the beautiful dream in which he had been visiting. It was all a dream. He made an indecernable noise and grappled for the clock to turn in off, pushing all the buttons at once but missing his ultimate goal- peace and quiet. Yoga, Buddha, Zen , a state of Grace. Finally the background noise and static stopped. He returned his head back to the pillow and reached to pull another one over his head. His pyjama clad bottoms and expressive feet stuck out of the comforter. With his hands he hugged the pillow covering his face and from deep within the mess a growl emerged.   
  
  
One leg at a time he got out of bed and ran his hand through his hair smoothing it down. Things couldn't always go according to plan, that had been a lesson he had learned early on in life, perhaps too young an age and that meeting Grace had reinforced. The unexpected was everywhere and it was to be taken with trepidation. But doing things half way didn't seem to make them happen as you wanted or go away. Full tilt, with utter abandon was always best in humble experience. Looking in the mirror he sighed and then smiled. He tried the words out before the mirror. Watching his lips form The word, only to find with embarassment that "come hither" look overtake his expression when he said it...  
  
  
"Grace"  
  
  
Did he always look like that saying it? Because if so I mean - no wonder! Splashing water on his face he looked up , water running down his neck. Stubble. He needed to shave but put it off. He was meeting her parents this weekend. Not that he hadn't met them before but this would be different, this time it would be in a different role. From a different angle. No longer the make believe Orlando he had played that last time he had been to her house. Standing in as Orlando was a joke..it hadn't ever been as only a stand in that he and she played out that.. well play. It had been something much more. Well the stubble could stay for all he cared. Let Lily and Rick have that too. He again took in his appearance and reluctantly lifted his hand to ease out the tiny elastic that held his hair in a half pony-tail-- that would be too much for even Rick he felt. His forehead pluckered.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**************************************~  
  
  
  
  
"So what plane is he scheduled on?" Lily asked trying to demonstrate indifference.  
  
  
"Well, tuesday morning I think," Grace said.  
  
  
"And --ahh he's staying at his house. You said he kept it didn't you?"  
  
  
"Yes"  
  
  
Grace started to shove textbooks in her backpack and hurriedly put together some lunch. "Actually I was thinking of staying there too, you know just over Christmas holidays. I mean it's so crowded around here and he's only here for a short time--" . She was putting on her dark wool coat.  
  
  
Lily stopped dead in her tracks,"Did he suggest that?"  
  
  
"Actually I haven't mentioned it to him."  
  
  
"Ohhh Grace"  
  
  
"Anyway I was thinking it would be a nice surprise to pick him up at the airport when he gets home."  
  
  
"Look-- (frustrated noise) Grace you have school then--", Lily tried out the words.  
  
  
"Oh my God, you don't mean--"  
  
  
"Yes. I mean we agreed that I had no say it seems in you seeing him, but you are going to school. You're not missing school for that. I don't want to hear that mentioned again--"  
  
  
"That's so stupid. It's one stupid day. The last day of the semester. And besides who is going to bring him his car? He can't just like walk home. Do you know where he lives--"  
  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it Grace. Evidently he can take care of himself--"  
  
  
  
  
Judy was coming in the kitchen from the living room loosening her scarf, "I can always go and pick him up if you want." Judy beamed.  
  
  
  
"I've got to go," Grace managed as she left the kitchen out the side door.  
  
  
"Judy!"  
  
  
"Well. Have you seen him, Lily?"  
  
  
"I've seen. And I just don't see it okay." Lily brushed her hair back from her eyes and resumed buttering her bagel.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~****************************************~  
  
  
  
  
  
"So Katie's actually coming to Christmas dinner?" Grace was surprised.  
  
  
"Yeah. This year is my year with my Mom and since it's just usually the three of us and sort of quiet she was totally ok with it?"  
  
  
"Isn't that going to be a little weird, you know--  
  
  
"You think our Chirstmas is going to be weird? [Jessie started smiling] Wait until my dad gets on a couch analysing football with Mr.Dimitri" Jessie started to laugh out loud while opening her locker.  
  
  
"Would you be quiet [Grace said agressively]. Besides they've met remember."   
  
  
"I'm still in shock that everyone is so calm about this. I mean, if it got around school--"  
  
  
"Which it won't"  
  
  
"Okay. Which it won't. But I thought Jake would hit the roof, or something. Someone--"  
  
  
"Actually I don't know that he knows yet. I mean I took it forgranted that my mother would tell him, but last time I saw him he didn't seem off, you know. So --"  
  
  
"You think Lily or Judy didn't tell him?"  
  
  
"I don't know. Anyway this is not for advertisement ok. Just forget I told you anything..", Grace moved to go off to class.  
  
  
"Wait--Grace I'm glad you know, that you tell me. Stuff, okay. And I don't mean to laugh but [quieter] it's Demented Dimitri and you're--  
  
  
"Almost eighteen."  
  
  
"Almost eighteen". Jessie nodded her head.  
  
  
  
Grace walked off down the hall.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~****************************************~  
  
  
  
  
August sat in the university auditorium and watched the play rehearsal with interest. He had thought it would always be with only half a heart, as it had been in the beginning when rehearsals started. So it surprised him the growing enthusiam he felt for the production and the talent. He didn't think it was possible so soon to be this interested and intrigued by anything that brought back such memories. It was with much emotion that he realized he had been trying not to see it. He wanted it to always hurt on some level, that would be poetic justice wouldn't it? But evidently that was not to be--it was destined to all tie together, as much as he wanted it to be spontaneous and random his reactions, they were not. He liked plays, theatre, literature even without that all moving variable. Which wasn't to say he didn't miss her. Those words and the shear force it took to limit, condense all the words he had wanted to say but couldn't at the time he said those words. He did what was right at that time, but it had been all wrong.   
  
  
  
"So you think they'll be ready", the woman next to him asked.  
  
  
August leaned back in his chair, "No. But they'll try anyway. I think it's going to be a long process, the development of it all. I only wish we had more time. This impromptu rehearsal though was good, so-- [he gestured with his hand]  
  
  
"I think they weren't expecting to be rehearsing over break, and with not all the cast..it's hard--"  
  
  
"Hmmm." Mr.Dimitri got up and walked off leaving the woman alone. He walked down the hall and stopped to remove a thin envelope from his briefcase and paused a moment before sliding it through the mailslot on of a wooden door. The name on the door obscured by shadows but he knew what he was doing. Whistling, "I am sailing" Mr.Dimitri moved down the hall.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
~**********************************************~  
  
  
  
On the plane he took out a well read letter and re-read it once again. He folded it and put it away in its envelope fingering the area where the sender's insignia was indicated on the corner. Upton Sinclair. If only we could take back our words ..."expect the unexpected". Dimitri pulled his trench a little closer around himself and leaned back on the seat closing his eyes. Without opening his eyes he reached for his walkman and brought the eighties style headphones to his ears. He liked the Beatles and unannounced a thought drifted by...."in times of trouble Mother Mary come to me. speaking words of wisdom. let it be..." , except he substituted Mary for Ella in his mind... He had been reading "A Hard Days Write: The Stories Behind Every Beatles Song" by Steve Turner lately and a passage about Let it Be came back to him. Paul had said about the song, "I really was passing through my 'hour of darkness' and writing the song was my way of exorcizing ghosts". Everyone thought Mother Mary meant the Virgin Mary but they read it wrong, it was Paul's own mother that was referenced. Dimitri opened his eyes and looked out at the blue sky as Ella whispered intimitely in his ear ,"If I Could Write a Book"....  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~"But my busy mind is burning to use what learning I've got,  
I won't waste any time,  
I'll strike while the iron is hot.  
  
If they asked me, I could write a book  
About the way you walk, and whisper, and look.  
I could write a preface  
On how we met  
So the world would never forget.  
  
And the simple secret of the plot  
Is just to tell them that I love you a lot.  
And the world discovers  
As my book ends,  
How to make two lovers  
Of friends.  
  
And the simple secret of the plot  
Is just to tell them that I love you a lot.  
And the world discovers  
As my book ends,  
How to make two lovers  
Of friends." 


	15. Never Saw Blue Like That

DISCLAIMER: A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE INVOLVED WITH O&A (writers, cast, guest stars, directors, producers, catering, hair..heck everybody )!! You deserve more credit than I could ever put into words....  
  
  
REVIEWS: Thank you all those who have reviewed and will review this chapter. It really does mean something and makes me thankful, you matter. Yes you reading this. That's right YOU. I had a blast watching this chapter unfold (it always surprises me to see what happens too! I really never know until it does...) :D  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter title is inspired by the song "Never saw blue like that" by Shawn Colvin (who also appears on the "Grace of My Heart" soundtrack), this track I robbed from an old Dawson's Creek compilation I had (yes I'm guilty of loving DC! ). And I really really want to THANK G/D FAN FOR GRAZI'S CD, you gave me Peter Gabriels' "In your eyes" . Thank you. That is it, that's THE song. And I think you know what I mean :D I'm tearing up listening to it and mine are such happy moist eyes. And the next song "I drove all night", I think you both know who I'm driving to...sob, quite literally now. "Little worms", I mutter affectionately. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE CD!! And will play it everyday quite possibly until say late January. Oh my God....And I think I know what we can give him when we see him :) Anyway sorry... uh back to THIS story. I just wanted to thank Emmet, the author of one of my favorite works Backstory, for her inspiring new chapter. I agree these two belong at the movies. And wow this next chapter happens in only one day!!! I can't wait to continue on, there is so much still to come including answers to stuff from the last chapter but for now I must away....   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"In the spring, when you came to dinner, you were younger, more confident. You were full of eagerness, and talked a great deal then; you were interesting, and I really must confess I was a little carried away by you. For some reason you often came back to my memory during the summer, and when I was getting ready for the theatre today I thought I should see you."  
  
ANTON CHEKHOV, ON LOVE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
NEVER SAW BLUE LIKE THAT  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Were we ever somewhere else   
You know it's hard to say  
But i never saw blue like that before  
Across the sky, around the world  
You're giving me all you have and more  
And no one else has ever shown me how  
To see the world the way i see it now  
oh i, never saw blue like that before ...."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He noticed a woman smiling at him and smiled back. A gentle boyish smile, when he felt a hand rest of his arm and the ever so slightest tug on this jacket. "August".   
  
  
"My fairest Grace."  
  
  
Grace mortified and simultaneously pleased, released the fabric of his jacket.   
  
  
"Now you're embarassing me."  
  
  
"You don't think you're fair? Or don't tell me, you're not my Grace but someone else-- then you have my apologies." He stopped smiling and their eyes held each others for an instant. Grace breathed in and reached out to touch his scruffy chin. "I'm not sure how to tell you this but..."  
  
  
"You don't like it?"  
  
  
"It's not that but...well it's just you look sort of swarthy like."  
  
  
"Aye. I see." Dimitri said with perfectly serious expression.  
  
  
"Augu--", but he was off smiling and claiming his miscellaneous luggage. Some newer pieces mixed with others slightly worn.   
  
  
"Do you want me to carry something?"  
  
  
"No I've got it. Lead the way-"  
  
  
"Okay", but before she could move he leaned in and whispered in her ear unexpectedly, his lips brushing her lobe ever so slightly making her doubt what she felt. "I wanted to bring you roses.." She blushed and touched his sleeve again this time leading him towards the automatic doors. As they left he made a weak half-hearted wave to the woman he was leaving behind on the bench.  
  
  
They went first to August's house and dropped off his luggage. Dimitri left Grace downstairs while he went upstairs to change his clothes. He was a little creased from the plane. Charmingly creased but not quite up to snuff for meeting scrutinizing Sammler's and siblings. Grace downstairs flipped through his cd collection and pulled out Lisa Loeb. She put it on and choose "I miss you". Lisa Loeb was cool and she had those kick ass black framed glasses back when those things weren't exactly cool. Just why did he have her in his collection? Grace picked up a picture on top of the speaker across the room that she had never noticed.   
  
It was ridiculous, improbable and not to be believed but there it was. It seemed so much could not have possibly happened in such a short time. But the train had been in motion when they thought they parted, and it had resulted in the running over of all preconceived ideas of what was possible.   
  
Grace was crying. Holding the picture and crying, her hand working to catch the tears as they fell. Not many tears but enough to mean something. She ran the fingers of her right hand over the glass tracing the outline of the image. It was just a candid photo, obviously one taken by a friend and it surprised her that it would be something he would keep. Forget put in a frame. She looked again for fear of what she had seen, maybe it wasn't quite like that at all. But it couldn't be denied the eyes where sad. The saddest eyes. Eyes that searched and found, but still they feared they would always search. Sad blue eyes. It was overwhelming the shock that she had never noticed it before. The overall persona had been such of confidence, comfort and trusting. But now for the first time she saw eyes that were capable of no not hurting, but of being hurt. Even with the most beautiful smile. Sad eyes. You couldn't not see it ever again after that picture. Eyes that smiled, yes they genuinely smiled...but there was always something else there too. Intangible, indefinable, lost. Somewhere the hope for something more had gone missing. Blue, too blue. Not calm and cool blue, but soft changable. Looking like they wanted happiness but feared the next wave that they were certain was to come.  
  
  
"Grace what's wrong. What--", Dimitri asked entering the room from the stairs above. He had paused on the last few stairs watching the scene before he entered. She got up and moved to go out the door leading into the kitchen, but instead stopped before him. She put her weight on the bottom stair and was propelled towards him, uplifted and brought almost face to face. Almost but not quite.  
  
  
"It's nothing. It's-- it's this." She lightly ran her index fingers along the corners of his eyes, over the eyelids and below. He smiled playfully enjoying the exploration.  
  
  
"Grace I don't understand", Dimitri said quietly with worry.  
  
  
She looked at him closely and saw that he didn't.   
  
  
"Have I ever told you the reason why I said you made it different. I meant--", Grace was talking as she backed down from the stair and moved off.  
  
  
"Grace you don't have to tell me this. No stop. Okay.", he pleaded.  
  
  
"No look I want to. You knew it was about Eli, but what I said I meant it. You made me feel something, something I'd been searching for so long. When I was walking in the rain, I just kept thinking that no one would even notice that I wasn't there. No one would care where I had been. No one would ever see me. And I said I was just going to go in and up to my room. I was prepared for luke warm, maybe even enthusiastic praise over the play. But I wasn't prepared for you. And I opened the door and there you were. And I can't explain it but I never saw anything so beautiful in all my life as you."   
  
  
  
The song changed in the background.   
  
~~"You never could get in  
Unless you abandon  
Now you're here and you don't know why  
But under skinned knees and skid marks  
Past the places were you used to learn  
Tower and listen, listen and wake up  
Echos of angels that won't return  
he is everything you want  
he's everything you need.."  
  
  
  
  
"This isn't Lisa Loeb.", Grace said breaking the moment and moving over to the stereo. Letting the song play on.  
  
  
  
~~~~"There is always something more you wish he'd say..."~~~~  
  
  
  
"Sometimes I mix my music. To shake things up", Dimitri gave as a lame excuse.  
  
  
"Oh".  
  
  
  
  
~*****************************************************~  
  
  
  
In the car over to Grace's house, the cold december air was felt. The warmth of the car. The cold outside entering through the few cracks. Walking up to the door Grace held his hand. Or Dimitri held her hand. Actually it was quite ambiguous as to who held whose hands exactly. But before entering the hands went free. As Grace turned the knob of the front door August said, "Maybe I should have got a hair cut". Coming in the front entrance near the staircase Grace called out "We're here".  
  
  
Rick came from the living room, "Hi". He extended a hand to Dimitri proffering a handshake. "Your mom's in the kitchen, she said just to go right in."  
  
  
"Okay". Grace gave a weak smile to Rick and August, and they moved to deeper inside.  
  
  
"Mom!"  
  
  
Lily was busy setting dishes out, something was bubbling on the stove. "Well, hi. Everybody--"  
  
  
"Mrs. Sammler--", Dimitri began before being cut off.  
  
  
"I just." Lily stopped, continuing, "It's nice to see you again. I know it's just a quick stop but ummm take off your coat. I thought maybe it was a good idea if you know, you stopped by tonight. [Lily was getting increasingly more nervous?] , so it wouldn't be quite so weird. Uh tomorrow". Lily quickly turned knocking a wooden spoon off the counter and sending it flying in what seemed like suspended motion towards Dimitri.  
  
  
He caught the utensil and handed it back to Lily with a slight smile. Smile returned by harassed mother. Cautiously.  
  
  
"So did you just want to I don't know, hang around for a bit or something?", Lily asked Dimitri.  
  
  
"Sure", he breathed in.  
  
  
"Let's go into the living room", Grace suggested and Dimitri with his coat undone in the front but still on, followed her with a parting glance at Rick and Lily. Fortunately no one else seemed to be around just then. Dimitri sat down on the sofa and Grace next to him.  
  
  
"Let's go to the movies." Dimitri said facing ahead and looking at the carpet.  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
"Come on", Dimitri argued.  
  
  
"But. [pause] What movie? I don't know...."  
  
  
"I'm saying I want to take you to the movies. Now. " ,he looked at his watch. "Ok now".   
  
  
"Is there something in particular playing?", she asked amused.  
  
  
"Yes the most brilliant little indie film, and it's playing just for us. So--"  
  
  
Grace intrigued, "I'll go get my coat."  
  
  
He breathed in noticeably and watched her leave the room. "Hhhh", the sound escaped him. That this was actually happening like this, that is could in fact happen was overwhelming. With another breath he looked down and back up, then moved towards the kitchen after her.  
  
  
"So we're going to go out for a bit. To the movies --", Grace was explaining to Lily. "So--"  
  
  
"Ok. Well I'll see you when you get back then", Lily looked over to Dimitri as he came into the kitchen. Lily was slightly baffled, but not without relief was willing to left them go. Although she had wanted to speak with him. Alone. But there would be time enough for that tomorrow and seeing him had brough up unexpected thoughts and feelings. Unwanted thoughts. Maybe she did need a little more time before they talked. Lily called, "See you tomorrow. August."  
  
  
The word seemed so foreign on her tongue. "I'll bring a dish", she heard him call from the porch. Lily blinked.  
  
  
Parked a half a block from the theatre they got out of his car and as Grace paused to check her make-up and hair in the rear view mirror, there he was opening the car door for her. She got out and he pushed the door shut. Together they slowly ambled up to the entrance. Grace looked aside to him, "You didn't tell me this was the theatre we were coming to."  
  
  
"Let's just call it exorcizing demons. [he saw the apprehension come to her face ] Or maybe I should say revisiting an old friend."  
  
  
"Ok."  
  
  
The poster hanging at the entrance showed a glistening shinny coloured poster under the plexi glass. "Grace of My Heart". Next to it on the marquee a couple of other film posters where displayed. But there was no questioning the intent.  
  
  
"I'm speechless."  
  
  
"That can't be", he said with a stunned tone, as she slapped him playfully. August bought the tickets as Grace said "You had this planned didn't you. I'll get the popcorn", and moved swiftly ahead of him. As she waited in line a slight smile escaped.   
  
  
"Grace!" a voice said surprised from behind her.  
  
  
"Uh Hi!", Grace said floored.  
  
  
"Hi. Ummm are you seeing a movie?"  
  
  
Grace gestured with her arms, "Seems that way."  
  
  
"Yeah. Well. So which one?"  
  
  
"I'm not exactly sure--" Grace said as she saw him approaching and looked up.  
  
  
"Grace. [pause] Alexa", his voice breaking ever so slightly.  
  
  
Alexa blinked, "Mr.Dimitri?"  
  
  
"Yes." he said his voice returning to its customary pitch. There was an ackward moment as all three took in each other. The popcorn girl handed Grace her change and items.   
  
  
"Are you seeing something too Alexa?", Dimitri asked.   
  
  
"Yes." she said thankful for the break of the silence.  
  
  
Dimitri took up the drinks and said to Grace, "We should get in there. You know I hate to miss the beginning."  
  
  
Grace breathed in and looked up to his eyes, not seeing what she expected. "Okay. Bye Alexa."  
  
  
"Grace."  
  
  
  
  
~******************************************************~  
  
  
  
It was dark when they drove back to the house. August walked her to the door that went into the kitchen. Standing in the porch he noticed no one was immediately inside the kitchen.   
  
  
"So."  
  
  
"So. You want to come in?", Grace offered.  
  
  
"Okay"  
  
  
"Actually there is something I've been working on that I wanted to show you and see what you thought."  
  
  
Dimitri caught the change in her voice, "A story."  
  
  
"Yes." Grace was pleasantly surprised. "Come on", she took his hand and lead him into the hall and up the stairs. Going up the stairs he took in the pictures both on the walls and lying floor and landing. Then he saw a small wooden soccer ball. His eyes widened and a crease appreared across his forehead.  
  
  
August quickly entered the room. Quickly and covertly shutting the door behind him, "Your mother will kill me." Grace floped down on the bed, "Actually I'd be more concerned about Rick than a pregnant woman in her eighth month--"  
  
  
"Have you seen the weight she's packing and her forearms."  
  
  
Grace started laughing. "Shhh. Shhh. Please.", He walked over to the bed and gave her a brief kiss staying a moment with the bottom lip before gently moving away. "Ok I'm going back downstairs now, before there is any trouble."  
  
  
"I thought you liked trouble", Grace said looking over her bookshelf and through several same coloured plastic coverings before selecting one and handing in over proudly.  
  
  
"I don't recall saying anything even remotely like that--"  
  
  
"But I remember it perfectly. You said you weren't interested in nice"  
  
  
"Yes. Nice. [pause] But there is such a thing as good bad and bad bad." August said with a look of enormity over his face.  
  
  
"Bad bad?"  
  
  
"Yeah, bad bad baby", he looked at her and started to laugh. "Ok I'm going now."  
  
  
He moved to the door and opened it. "Next time I tie you to the bed posts", Grace called out after him as August opened the door and careened into Rick. Here the author injects a definition of careen: to lay a ship on her side for cleaning or repair/ or heel over. Dimitri blushed seven shades of red.  
  
  
  
  
  
~~"I've been searching for a long time   
For someone exactly like you  
I've been travelling all around the world   
Waiting for you to come through  
Someone like you ,to make it all worthwhile  
Someone like you  
Keep me satisfied  
Someone exactly like you  
See i've been travelling a hard road  
Looking for someone exactly like you...."  
  
  
  
Exactly. 


	16. I'm Not Interested In Nice

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey! Thank you all those who continue to read and review. You challenge me to push forward with my story and you make it different. But I really would love it if any lurkers would review. Are you there in the megavoid? Let me know, even if you hate it. Why? We can share a piece of cheese and discuss it.... Without reviews I have no clue where to look to improve and I've checked the phone book..no Dimitri's in my city to possibly assist. But woo-oo, there is a D.Stoltz in my phonebook. But wahhh, he does not live at 451 Elmdale or hold any meetings at his house. I don't think? So basically I need some feedback on "my story". I'll be the first to admit my story is completely implausible and unlikely, but what can I say..it's fiction and I've embraced the motto "Expect the Unexpected" with loving arms. Swoop....I envelop the muted plaid shirt and run my fingers through the red hair in the kitchen (wait that was another FanFic called "Contact" ..sorry :D) Where art Zenana and Lisbeth (I seem to remember she promised a last chapter)? They are missed, come back and find the Dimitrilove once and again!! Even if it's in a Spooferama. hint hint. Anyways...thank you all for the continuous support. This chapter is dedicated to Mr.Dimitri, I hope everyone can say they are someone's Grace and have their own beautiful story- but maybe not quite this chapter ; ) Some things are fated to exist in the written word only, but I could so easily see that red headed actor play out some of the scenes I've offered up. lol. And it's just such an amazing thing to know....his range and everything : ) To be someone's Grace though, there are no words. I liked the quote below that I use as a forward because I think it both reminds me of the GSA car scene and foreshadows nicely.   
  
And to Eric, Happy Birthday! the "snow" in this chapter is for you......   
  
  
  
  
  
"When late in the evening he left the highschool and went to the Shelestov', his heart was beating and his face flushed. A month before, even a week before, he had, every time that he made up his mind to speak to her, prepared a whole speech, with an introduction and a conclusion. Now he had not a word ready; everything was in a muddle in his head, and all he knew was that today he would certainly declare himself, and that it was utterly impossible to wait any longer."  
  
ANTON CHEKHOV, THE TEACHER OF LITERATURE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'M NOT INTEREST IN NICE...  
  
  
  
  
  
"It's snowing outside. Hard. It almost looks like we're snowed in--"  
  
  
August moved to the door and opened it. A flurry of snowflakes spun around him, bitterly cold air sending tiny shivers throughout his body. Goosebumps on his arms and gooseberries in his words. Whistling. The snow was whistling. Maybe I mean the wind. And the tune was almost "stuck in the middle with you". August squinted but his car was not to be seen anywhere. He closed the door with some effort and Lily contemplated the circumstances in which they all found themselves. No one was going anywhere. Even if she wanted to hand him a shovel and offer to help find his car, there was no road to drive home on. And they had no skis in the garage. Lily thought of the Police.   
  
  
"Well I guess everyone's staying here," Lily smiled blissfully. "Who knows it might be fun."  
  
  
Judy looked at Sam and winked. Sam looked at Rick and shrugged. Rick looked at Lily crazed. Lily looked at Dimitri smiling. Dimitri looked at Grace and smiled his special smile. Grace looked at Zoe to see if she saw the special smile. Zoe was saying something, "But where is everyone going to sleep?"  
  
Dinner had long since finished and the dishes were cleared and done. Lily and Judy had enjoyed that time in the kitchen together to catch up even though people kept coming in and out, preventing at times the real 'dishing' from getting done. August at one point even offered to make everyone some tea. Lily in the spirit of the holidays let him use one of her favorite teapots and borrow the edge of her dishtowel to dry it out after he washed the bits of dried flowers out of it. The whole story of Judy swipping Lily's tea pot for Booklovers got told. But that was earlier and now it was late. Collectively there was the sentiment of being drained and ready to hit the hay in anticipation of Christmas day still upcoming.   
  
  
  
  
~******************************************~  
  
  
August clutched the blanket a little closer around him and tucked his feet in. It was rather cold in the living room. He closed his eyes. The couch was too short and he was too tall, and this just wasn't working. He tucked the blanket up to cover his ear which exposed to the air in the room was becoming chilled. He opened his eyes to find a vision in white approaching without a sound. As the specture closened it became clear that the white was actually a baby blue housecoat and it was sporting slippers. August sat up and groaned.   
  
  
"Comfortable?"  
  
  
"Not exactly."   
  
  
"Would you like to get more comfortable?"  
  
  
"I'm not so sure that's a question I should take you up on--"  
  
  
"But it's freezing down here. Besides lets , I don't know, throw caution to the wind--"  
  
  
"It is sort of cold down here". August had sat up his bare feet on the floor and still partially covered with the duvet.   
  
  
"Everyone's asleep--"  
  
  
Dimitri let a smile escape and looked up with his eyes to meet hers. "Why don't you just stay down here Grace," he reached for her waist.   
  
  
"You can bring your blanket.." Grace offered. Dimitri beaten got up and taking up his blanket wrapped it around Grace's arms.   
  
  
  
  
  
~******************************************~  
  
  
"You know your mother had an interesting proposal for me tonight."  
  
  
Grace proped herself up quickly with her elbow and started fiddling with her other hand and his blanket. "What do you mean!"  
  
  
"I mean she made me an offer and it might be something we could discuss sometime."  
  
  
"Sometime, as in now?"  
  
  
August looked at her a moment, then moved his eyes down to take in her. The attitude, tenseness. He gave a slight laugh, "No. Not now."  
  
  
"But--" . August cut her off. "No but. Do you really want to waste his glorious snow storm, an act of God if you will, talking for hours [ jokingly] about this."  
  
  
"You're still wearing your tie you know."  
  
  
"I know. And it's killing me." He looked playfully down at his striped tie. Grace reached out and turned it with her finger, all her concentration on this tie. It was silk and soft and striped. Undoing the tie she took her time trying to unwork it, possibly even knotting it around his neck. August with an expressionless face brought his hands to meet hers and helped to undo the knot. He slipped the tie from her hands and dropped it off on the side on the bed. He sighed and listened but the house was quiet. Not a noiseless quiet, where every sound echos, but a quiet which belonged to activity. Grace had walked over to hang her housecoat on the hook on her door. She came back and spied the tie. Taking it up she turned it around his right wrist and made to tie it to the bed post. No protest arose but his heart started to beat a little faster. As the silk blend material touched the bed post, he moved quickly. Deft and nimble. Grace relaxed into her position as Dimitri on top of her moved slightly and whispered.   
  
  
From the hall, if anyone happened to pass by, they would find outside the door there were sounds coming from inside. But they were ever so subtle and ambiguous clamorings.   
  
  
  
  
  
~*****************************************~  
  
  
August woke up, he had not noticed when he had fallen asleep but it was still dark out. Grace had turned over on her side and was pressed near him. It was sublime, surreal and wonderful if there could be a word that encompassed all three. But not finding one, adjectives are permitted to run rampant with delight. He looked around the room to see if she had a clock anywhere. There was a blinking red in the corner. The power at some point during the night had must have gone off. He knew he should move back downstairs but it was incredibly warm where he was and nothing short of a book deal dangled before him or an offer to take his school play on Broadway, could motivate movement. Not even off-Broadway. It was just so warm and the couch was very cold. And horizontally challenged. It was more a loveseat really. He pushed his legs out, knee caps moving back and pointed his toes enjoying the sensation of a cat like stretch. August turned over on his back and closed his eyes. He thought about what she had said and the implications. Grace needed to know though. There had to be truth between them if anything was to come of it, but the whole essense of what Lily wanted was a lie. He could use Lily. That was possible, but what would Grace think of him then? This was her mother. Besides of all the things he carried away from that school and that lesson- truth was the one thing that haunted him. That there was no truth. And then there was Alexa. Grace had not said anything about going back to school in January but she must have realized that the run in with Alexa would not just go away. It was going to be hard for her, possibly even harder than when he had left the school. If Alexa talked? Granted there wasn't much to say really but Alexa always had strong feelings about certain things. What if by letting her get closer and trying to fill her loneliness, he had only bridged the gap between her and others wider. Maybe he was the one that gave her the loneliness. Was he one to isolate her? Had her eyes always been that lonely or had he made them that way. Had he wanted to see them that way and therefore inflicted that on her. Face it-- the middle of the night is not a clear time for thinking. Sleep deprivation, a free drug?  
  
  
  
  
"I know that they sent you a letter asking you to consider returning next term."   
  
  
Dimitri nodded and his brow creased, "The school called you I assume."  
  
  
"They wanted to know if we would have any objections." Lily watched him, " I didn't give them any. If you know what I mean."  
  
  
"Oh. I think I do--[he stopped] I got the letter. And it's your opinion that I would want to go back? That I should go back?"  
  
  
"I think you should decide if you want to go back, for yourself. Not anybody else's opinion about it. And that includes Grace too. "  
  
  
"Bottom line is though, this offer is conditional. You've decided what you think is best and if I comply then --", August said uncivilly.  
  
  
"I'm asking you to consider this. Give it some thought. All I'm asking you is for one year. Six months even. Please. Understand where I'm coming from with this, this is my daughter. She's only seventeen. I'm giving you credit here that your intentions are not to hurt her [pause] I do believe that. So can we make this agreement here and now?"  
  
  
There was no conversation for a moment. Lily wipped her hands with a cotton towel, "This could work." She stopped and looked at Dimitri sitting on the stool in thought, "Couldn't it?" 


	17. It All Returns To Rashamon

Author's note: Hi everyone! Well it's been a while but....as an attempted amends I offer you a Fan Fiction marathon. Yes you read it right, that means a new chapter everyday for 7 days. Possibly this may kill me. I would really appreciate reviews though, your words are the hare that I do hunt. This first chapter is just sort of a warm-up since I haven't written in a while. Don't worry I'll get back to some of the ends I left dangling in the last few chapters --all in good time. Meanwhile this little blurb picks up things same night as the last chapter and includes something very **dear** to my own heart. Uh okay , I'm not going to say what ..I leave that to you to figure out ; )  
  
  
  
And as an intro here are odd snippets from the script of Experience is the Teacher ...seriously don't you wish this had made it into the episode! Oh Lily, I love the woman...  
  
  
"Are you having sex with him?" LILY SAMMLER, ONCE AND AGAIN.   
"Rashamon." MR.DIMITRI /GRACE/ LILY (in unison)  
"Oh dear God." JAKE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
IT ALL RETURNS TO RASHAMON  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He thought back to the beginning but there was not a clear point where you could say this was the opening stanza. The first time hearts palpitated. The first chemical reaction. The first step in the journey that would come. The truth. The "aha" moment that made one say with certainty : this was the reason. It was not something that was planned his falling for Grace, it just seemed to be something that was already there. That what was there in the beginning would be there in the end should come as no surprise. A whole life had prepared him for that moment and he hadn't even realized it. The vision of an immaculate conception that neither party really expected, or wanted to do anything with but deny- well that was easier to accept. It allowed the presumption that someone or something else had made it happen- Fate. That other hushed four letter word. Because the thought that the whole purpose of his life was to fulfill a destiny of corrupting youth was a hard pill to swallow. A jagged little pill and he didn't want it to be a self administered prescription. That the purpose of his life was to show the loneliness, unfairness and mistakes that do happen in the world was a frightening concept. The very beauty with which he lived his life, the exacting hard work and excellence that was displayed in his teaching-- only serving to remind that life is incredibly sad. Beauty is sad. Nothing in life is fair, nothing is right and nothing is without reason. With reasoning anything can be possible. It was interesting about Shakespeare and how he seemed to just know. But maybe when you're looking it's easy to see answers in everything and anything. That it is you that make the meanings though unfortunately is less appealing. Not everything means something, only everything that matters to you. Back to Shakespeare and a return to the past. Last fall. The Fall. Falling back to a simpler time before the springing ahead came to quickly snatch an hour away. A last hour he could have spent with Grace. But that was all over now. What's done is done- but really what do you do about it? I hope the answer is something. I hope it matters.   
  
  
  
  
~~Why write she so to me?  
  
  
  
Because life, it isn't fair.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~Well Sheperd , well, this is a letter of your own device.  
  
  
  
Now that was interesting. Was it in fact that way...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~No I protest, Pheobe did write it....  
  
  
  
There is always a fall guy. Somewhere to lay blame or disown it safely. That's as most people like it ....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~I am but a guiltless messenger  
  
  
  
Guiltless. We are all innocent to something and sometimes even are believed in that statement. Sometimes it's even true.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~....the extremity of love  
  
  
  
And that is where the multi episodic scene ended- with love. Of love. On love. About Love. It was fun. Fun. But now that the love is there and established as a reality let us take it to a higher level. Let's hear your song.   
  
  
  
  
  
Dimitri realized the world was waiting for that song. Grace was waiting and Lily impatient in the wings. He couldn't hold them back forever. But he wanted to believe in something. And at this point in life it was convenient to look for relief in the possible. To want to believe in monsters who he knew were only wearing masks. To believe in the potential of monsters to unzip, unclothe and reveal something about us all. Humanity was lovely.   
  
  
  
August put down his pen and folded the paper of ridiculous dribble. Why was he even writing this. No one would ever understand it. No one ever did understand his poetry. Almost. He bent and picked it back up, unfolding the paper having a change of heart. It didn't seem right the way it had looked lying there in her waste paper basket. Because any piece of paper bearing the name "Grace" it sort of hurt to discard. But he didn't want anyone to see it so... So. August glanced over to the bed and a sleeping Grace.   
  
  
  
August closed the door and started toward the stairs on the landing. Misfortune, fate and foreshadowing of things to come followed the rumpled one at that moment. Hell even animal imagery found its way into the picture by way of the wall mounted picture behind him. It was very Shakespeare. It could also seemed to have been scripted in a bizarre way that allowed for things to happen with style and substance in a brief concise instant of action. He tripped on the edge of a carpet runner and banged his foot. Hard. Very hard on a baseboard Cue the line..  
  
  
"DAMN-----------"  
  
  
With ever perfect timing emerged a head behind him. The head looked askance  
  
  
"Hey" , Dimitri said and closed his eyes in pain. A pucker appeared on his forehead and oddly endeared itself to the person watching. Sometimes even hellos and vocal releases are loaded utterances. The infliction and tone with which they are said can tell the whole story or a really vital part of it. This "Hey" was not a happy "Hey". It as troubled, wounded and pained. It was in fact abrupt and lacking in grace.   
  
  
"Whatever" said the head with marked strain and it turned around, re-entered its bed room and closed the door.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
August slinked back into Grace's room and slowly closed the door. He had needed a place to hide fast after that and he was near enough to her room it just made sense to go back in. He wanted to wake her and tell her of his late night thoughts but decided not too yet. Grace was already awake though when his eyes adjusted to the darkness in her room. She was sitting up in bed and leaned back against the headboard still only half awake.  
  
  
  
"What was that all about? What happened--"  
  
  
"An accident. Involving myself, an apendage and your mother."  
  
  
"I -- I mean that's some combination."  
  
  
"I think I broke my toe"  
  
  
Grace moved the covers back to let him in.   
  
  
"Can I see?"  
  
  
"I think you better look, because I'd rather not myself."  
  
  
  
She looked down to inspect up close the potential damage. Nothing was broken externally anyway - no broken nails or blood. Possibly slight swelling and expectant subsequent bruising. Grace had an impulsive thought to make it better. He had very charming feet.  
  
  
  
"How bad?", August asked.  
  
  
"Well the verdict is after due consideration ...", Grace paused. "I like them"  
  
  
Dimitri was captured slightly off guard, "My feet"  
  
  
"Uh huh", he heard and felt a warm moisture. The dark of the room adding to the moment. And the white snow falling on the window pane outside. The black and the white. She was kissing his toe. Even in his more experimental days this had never come up before. He had a feeling that in recounting this in a poem or to his friends no one would believe him. 


	18. If There Be Truth In Sight

Author's Note: Ah yes, day two and still kicking (sometimes screaming though). Thank you everyone for the advice and I'm drinking a lovely beverage of tea as I write this and keeping hydrated.... Don't worry about me because it's a labour of love and something I'm sure any of the Dimitrized can understand. These first few chapters are rather short -- I'm trying to get this story back in the direction where I would like to take it. Back to the beginning. Back to the days of birds and ships. So expect longer chapters to come... and I know I don't need to write this - but the one word begs for the other ..."the unexpected". :D  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"After dinner they played a duet on the piano; then it got dark, and I went home. That was the beginning of spring. After that I spent the whole summer at Sofino without a break, and I had no time to think of the town, either, but the memory of the graceful fair-haired woman remained in my mind all those days; I did not think of her, but it was as though her light shadow were lying on my heart." ANTON CHEKHOV, ON LOVE.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
IF THERE BE TRUTH IN SIGHT  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~"Then there is mirth in heaven,  
When earthly things made even  
Atone together.  
Good duke, receive thy daughter :  
Hymen from heaven brought her,  
Yes, brought her hither,  
That thou mighst join her hand with his  
Whose heart within her bosom is."  
  
  
  
  
  
Grace was sitting at the breakfast table reading a soft jacketed red book over a bowl of cereal. She paused with the spoon mid-motion.  
  
  
  
"Mom. Do you remember last year when we were rehearsing for the play?"  
  
  
"Of course I do." She was wondering where he was. His blanket wasn't on the couch. She hadn't seen a red head in the house all morning and Lily was slowly starting to realize this was disturbing her. She was pre-occupied with thoughts of where would he turn up next. One never knew. And relunctantly it had to be acknowledge she was relieved by that. Not knowing held a charm and protected. Lily thought about asking Grace. But Grace was still talking...Lily smiled at her beautiful daughter and admired the way her hair held back in a plastic clip this one piece bounced. Lily found it charming.  
  
  
"I wondered. You remember last Thanksgiving, also known as the day the house set fire [Grace said dramatically and gestured with her hands] , when the cast came here and you filled in as Phebe. I mean Jessie.. you probably don't but- "  
  
  
"I remember Grace. Why would you think I wouldn't?", Lily asked quietly, because she did recall. More things about that day then one. She started to pull the syrup out of the fridge.  
  
  
"Well, I've been thinking about it lately. I've been re-reading 'As You Like It' . August once explained the story of the play to me, and when he explained it, in that moment, I really saw it. But now- I'm not so sure I read it right and it's been bothering me. I don't know, it's like everything around that time. The play and what was happening at that time, if I could.. just know." she looked up cautiously. "I want to know who he saw as Orlando."  
  
  
"That's an unusual question Grace. I... --- wasn't Tad Orlando? "  
  
  
"Mom. Tad was never Orlando."  
  
  
"Ok, admittedly Tad was no actor but I liked him. And I thought he did an ok job-"  
  
  
Grace interupted her. "Yeah. A lot of people thought he did a good job. A really good job. But that's not what I was trying to say at all." She paused then, "I was thinking more about the things that actually happened and how odd it all was. When you played Jessie's part for that little bit- do you remember the lines? "  
  
  
"A little bit. I can't say it's something I've given much analysis to." Lily smiled. "Why what did I do?"  
  
  
"You didn't do anything. But looking back I've been thinking it was really weird. You were there and I was saying those lines to him and he took my hand and kissed it- ", as the corner of her mouth began to upturn.  
  
  
"He kissed your hand. In my living room? I missed that."  
  
  
"He was even on bended knee ! "  
  
  
"Oh"  
  
  
"And then the lines we all said," Grace said using her right arm to illustrate the progression in a mimicked rolling motion. "And Mom you never looked up." Grace stopped.  
  
  
"Grace I did. Don't you see that. I did."  
  
  
"Why didn't you see. Why don't you?"  
  
  
  
There was a pause of few moments as Lily....   
  
  
  
"Why don't you just ask him? About the whole Orlando thing.", Lil asked but Grace didn't answer plainfully ignoring the question and reading her book.  
  
  
"Have you still been writing those stories lately?" Lily asked, "If I never said it (but she knew she did) I was very proud of you. I am very proud of you . Even if you only ever decide to pursue the obscure."  
  
  
Grace laughed confused and unexpecting, "Actually I've sort of given it up. I was always disappointed with the way things turned out and it's tough. Hmm. I couldn't even stop the story at any point. I just kept writing and then it got to the point where it was easier to just go back to the beginning, and re-write it all."   
  
  
"Don't worry, you'll figure out your ending." Lily had paused before the words because even as they formed in her thoughts she recognized the ghost that bore then. She remembered a lot of things and this was one she always would. The ghost of seeing him walk off alone down the hall and the sound of the door shutting. The smell of the school that day and the silence that rang in the hall as she waited. And the sound of Grace's shoes carrying her down the hall after him. These were things she felt she played a part in. She stood in, in a role. But it bothered Lily that maybe she could or should have done something more. Seeing them in that classroom she knew that something had gone wrong in the universe and that what she saw was wrong. Unjustly wrong. And also that she was playing a part in it's motion. And she saw something more than all of that too.  
  
  
But Grace didn't notice her use of that infamous last whispered line because a figure had appeared in the kichen doorway, and yes he had dissembling red hair. Oddly also blue eyes. Lily thought that was strange she could have swore last night at supper they were gray/green.   
  
  
Grace's face light up, "Hey."  
  
  
"Hey." Dimitri looked over to Lily then back to Grace. "I sort of got you something... Merry Christmas, Grace." And he held out his hand.  
  
  
  
  
  
~~"Peace, ho! I bar confusion :  
Tis I must make conclusion  
Of these most strange events :  
Here's eight that must take hands   
To join in Hymen's bands,  
If truth holds true contents.  
  
You and you no cross shall part:  
You and you are heart in heart :  
You and his love must accord,  
Or have woman to your lord:  
  
You and you are sure together,  
As the winter to foul weather.  
Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,  
Feed yourselves with questioning;  
That reason wonder may diminish,  
How thus we met, and these things finish." 


	19. Everyone You've Ever Known On The Planet

Author's note : This chapter goes out to ND and her long haired friends... I seriously can't believe the inscription on the CD you gave me! I just put the SS cd on to use for soul food as I write this and there it was, I hadn't noticed it before honestly and had a total Grace expression on my face seeing it. I can't believe you wrote that. Thank you. Wink ; ) I'm just giddy that someone actually inscribed something to me (and my cat). I think I've decided what to do with this little attempted scribbling of mine... the last chapter will be put up on April 1st, 2003. That's really all I know. Until then, well you never really know what might happened because things can't always go according to plan. Please review and any suggestions let me know. If you want more chapters in between, maybe we can set up some kind of schedule- like Monday nights or something. In case you haven't guessed I want this guy back to the point where his cords were covered in chalkboard dusk, and all were happy. Once.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you should like her? that but seeing you should love her? and, loving, woo? and, wooing, she should grant? and will you persever to enjoy her? "   
SHAKESPEARE, AS YOU LIKE IT.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER KNOWN ON THE PLANET  
  
  
  
  
  
  
August with Grace's hand to his, felt the gift slip from his fingers. It was a small box. Grace looked up smiling until someone started screaming in the foreground. Lily reluctantly left in search of the source, the dimpled new arrival Robert. There was a funny story attached to his birth but that is best left for another time. Robert was named with affection for a doctor that the family came to meet. They had invited the doctor to Christmas dinner also, but he declined whispering to Lily first and then announcing to the others his unfortunate inability to attend. That was the last day they saw him, in an way Lily was relieved. After all, he was vegan and Buddhist. Rick was asking all these new people in their lives way to many questions about religion lately and get Rick started on history he never stopped. Lily felt she should have know when he proposed under a parachute quoting dead patriots something like that could happen with Rick, but well it was love. So it was best for everyone it ended the way it did with that doctor.   
  
  
  
"It's beautiful", Grace was genuinely overcome. "But what am I going to do with it?"  
  
  
They were alone now and Grace fingered her new acquisition. "Whatever you want to do with it." He said and smiled.  
  
  
"You know you are infuriating.."  
  
  
He smiled even wider. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rick carrying a folding chair into the living room area. "Grace are your ready to go?" Grace was fiddling with her lipgloss in a mirror.   
  
  
"I was looking at my eyes." She turned around, "August, have I changed?"  
  
  
"Of course you have, we all do." He said in passing.  
  
  
"I guess I've just been wondering lately what would happen if- I mean you were attracted to the fact I was so alone." She paused. "And I'm sort of scared of what would happen if that were to change."  
  
  
"Grace when I said , in that inscription you had 'lonely eyes' please don't carry that with you. Because it wasn't what I meant at all..."  
  
  
"But you said it."  
  
  
"I did. But I said it to make you strong, stronger. Grace I don't perceive you as weak, I never have. I mean sometimes you scare the hell out of me-"  
  
  
"I do-"  
  
  
"You do."  
  
  
"Cause you think I'm unstable and I might, I don't know kill myself or something. Well-"  
  
  
Dimitri was stopped arrested. "Why would you think that. Besides loneliness doesn't equate weakness. The courage to be alone can be a demonstration of internal strength and character. And for that type of person to let someone else in, well that's even more rare and special. "  
  
  
"The Orlando thing. You thought I would understand why she loved him. Why he needed her and let her love him. Why he fell for her so quickly. And strangely I did, and the way you said that then, well at first I thought you were talking about yourself, but then I mean that couldn't have been right because we both know [she squinted her eyes and gave him a look] that you had friends.   
  
  
"Grace- "  
  
  
"You really don't have to worry about that , especially now. I mean August ..I'm not hiding any razors on you. In fact [she lightly laughed] it's better odds that Kimmy comes after me with a revolver in the dining room. But wait I would see it through her shirt wouldn't I and know what was coming-"  
  
  
"Not the Chris thing again, Grace I - "  
  
  
"I wasn't even going there." Grace shuttered and he involuntarily smiled. He did like Chris, but Grace was a gifted timed comedian and the first meeting with Christine had not been a feel good moment. He knew he was partly to blame there but it wasn't like Grace had given him any warning of what she would do next. It was like living with Einstein always on the edge of genius, but lacking on other areas. All was relative to what she wanted and thought and felt. Grace had continued on filling his silent dead air ...  
  
  
"So I've sort of come to the conclusion that you meant me. That I was Orlando and that-"  
  
  
He was shocked, "You as Orlando."  
  
  
"You think this is stupid. Okay forget I said anything," Grace said turning to get her coat. He started to make a motion to touch her and speak. It had obviously been something Grace had thought out and he didn't want to hurt her again like that. Grace looked down to the right and he stopped. August leaned back on the stool. Sometimes she felt acutely aware of the gap in experience between them. What she was saying didn't make sense in normal conversation. She was analysing and theorizing but they weren't in the classroom anymore. Real people didn't talk like that. Real people asked how the weather was, gossiped about their friends and made plans. They never made plans.   
  
  
"Grace , you're not entirely wrong. And I'm the last person to tell anyone else who is right. Lest we forget so soon the lessons instilled by our Chekhov. Stuff just happens and it isn't planned. I never planned to say what I did about Orlando. No big speech. I just said what came to mind. Maybe I didn't say enough but I didn't know then the whole story and - in hindsight, it probably was me. It was my thoughts, my view of the play. And it was probably wrong to think that was the only way that it could be interpreted. So what I said it was about me. " Slowly .."I guess you could say then if anyone had to be, I was Orlando." He waved his hand at the arm and brought it up to his neck in the universal symbol.  
  
  
"kkkluuuuurrr", he made the sound of a knife. But it was tinged with something rather sad.   
  
  
  
Just at that moment a buoyant Jessie and Katie fell into the room. Katie smiled shyly at Dimitri.   
  
  
  
"We better get out of here before Zoe comes down next." Dimitri said watching Katie disappear into the other room. " No way am I driving her to the store with us. She keeps asking to see inside my car. I'm nervous she might start asking for the specs, energy consumption and would want me to draw charts or something..."  
  
  
"Just tell her you misplaced the memo .."  
  
  
"You know your talent is wasted", Dimitri commented as Grace zipped up her coat. She looked up with a dead pan expression and wisely said ,"I know." She gave him a chummy affect and started for the door.   
  
  
August unexpectedly, "You are followed by a faithful sheperd : Look upon him, love him ; he worships you." He stopped.  
  
  
She had recognized the lines from the play. Silvius' line, the next line was Phebe's. Grace shook her head she just couldn't recall. August prompted her. "Good sheperd, tell this youth what 'tis to love."  
  
  
Grace, "Why blame you me to love you ?"  
  
  
August ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Grace that isn't the next line either. But it was decently close."  
  
  
  
  
They left the house. It was snowing as Dimitri scrapped off the thin layer of white that had accumulated over this very long night on his windshield. Locks on either side of his face fell forward slightly, bouncing and the snow falling all around. He turned in profile simply stunning and covertly watched Grace's cheeks turning red as she waited. She brushed some snow around with her gloved hand.   
  
  
At the store, Mrs. Gonzalez invited them for drinks........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~"It was a lover and his lass,  
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,  
That o'er the green corn-field did pass  
In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,  
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding :  
Sweet lovers love the spring." 


	20. April Come She Will

Author's note: A sincere thank you to everyone for the latest reviews. Ok, the funny thing about the "present" is just this. I didn't actually mean to write one in. I thought up a few ideas of possible gifts to appease you readers but I didn't like any of them.. so I tactfully avoided mentioning what it was. The secret is it wasn't even anything. Then I read your reviews, and one review made me re-read the chapter.... because I wasn't sure what was meant that I revealed what the present was in the end! Did I? How could that be when I didn't even really have a present in mind. So I re-read the chapter and you know what ...it is there! I didn't even realize it (now that's spooky)..it just wrote itself in. I know what he gave her and it is perfect, that's weird because even though I wrote the words down- I didn't realize what I was writing. Everything points to what it was. How great is that! If you don't know...well it's right there in plain sight. And I certainly will put up more chapters before April guys, what about one every second Monday? Well we can work out something. And hey I found this really wonderful quote that just makes me think of Mr.Dimitri, this is how I see him. .... "for me there lies, Within the lights and shadows of your eyes. The only beauty that is never old." It's by James Weldon Johnson I think. Do you liketh? Okay forewarned is forearmed...this chapter is umm slightly off beat but I do have a point somewhere. Hehehe, consider it as the funny 'Christmas' episode every show does once in a while ; ) that just doesn't quite fit in with previous episodes at all. And HUGE people, huge shoutout to Emmet!!!!! I loved "to his coy mistress" and hope you don't mind its inclusion...it's Marvelous.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Her eyes, the elegant refined hand she gave me, her indoor dress, the way she did her hair, her voice, her step, always produced the same impression on me or something new and extraordinary in any life, and very important. We talked together for hours, were silent, thinking each our own thoughts, or she played for hours to me on the piano."   
ANTON CHEKHOV, ON LOVE.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
APRIL COME SHE WILL  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Grace was looking over various signs, hanging glass and ornaments that Judy had brought in as a novelty for the holidays. Literary inspired gifts if anybody was inclined that way at all. She liked the poetry themed ones the best. There were various items with well known quotes meant to uplift the soul and inspire on them. She liked the Maya Angelou, but what really caught her eye was this one item that had an excerpt from something they had read in school. The title of the piece was not marked just the quote but Grace knew the title, "Song to Celia". It was just a really odd coincidence. It was by Ben Jonson and had stayed with Grace as she had first read it because it came so soon following the ending of the play, hench the title linkage. But also it had a whole other conjunctive feeling associated with the lines.  
  
  
  
~~"Drink to me only with thine eyes,  
And I will pledge with mine;  
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,  
And I'll not look for wine. "  
  
  
  
It would have been wonderful to purchase it as a gift for August, but the price was much too high. She started down the aisle to catch up with him. He was in the next aisle, she could see his hair over the book shelves. When she turned the corner though she was surprised to find him not alone but conversing with a much shorter woman. She thought she recognized the lady but wasn't sure. The woman had a dark black coat on and white scarf with matching white hat. Grace slowed as she approached but she had been noticed.  
  
  
  
"Grace, isn't it?"  
  
  
"Yes." She forced a smile.  
  
  
"It's good to see you again, I remembered you from your presentation of course", Mrs. Gonzalez looked over. "Mr. Dimitri was just -"  
  
  
"My aunt owns this bookstore." Grace bolted out. "I mean restaurant....[Mrs. Gonzalez was holding a french vanilla] I mean you know bookstore slash restaurant." Grace beamed an very uncomfortable pleasant smile  
  
  
"Well that's nice. It's a beautiful place."  
  
  
  
Grace was looking to August freaking out. Was he "off his rocker a mile and a half" - to quote her favorite seasonal movie 'White Christmas' with befumbled, funny, endearing and red haired Mr. Kaye. Grace continued smiling silently in an unnatural way to the point where August was definitely looking at her. He ruffled his hair, that was their special way to advise that something was up and to remain calm. Frequent flyer miles not yet required to be cashed in here though.. In fact Mrs. Gonzalez was gossiping like wildfire with him. Grace recognized a few of the names mentioned but the majority were meaningless, in her experience you never really did find out your teacher's first names or want to right?. So Lise, Andrea, Eric ..well they meant absolutely nothing to her. Where was Judy? She knew her dad was out of town. That would be another stage in the strange eventful history, telling him and someone had to. At least she would be given that. She had promised she would soon, but everytime he called he seemed so happy. She turned her focus back to the amiable Mrs. Gonzalez and was surpised with what she found. Only minutes later Mrs. Gonzalez would reveal a shocking truth. The students behind her back called her Gonzo, and she knew it. And in fact she rather liked it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*****************************************  
  
  
  
  
"So what do you think?" Lily asked as she put her fork into blanched pie crust. Rick was spaced out on the couch and Lily finally got her sister to herself in the kitchen.   
  
  
"You really want to know? Well I think he should go back -"  
  
  
"I can't believe you would say that."  
  
  
"Look if you didn't want to hear my opinion, then why even bother." Judy went on, "Lil, I remember you saying that you thought he was really fabulous the first time you met him. You said you were really impressed at his presentation to the parents about the play last fall-"  
  
  
"I never-"  
  
  
Judy continued on, "Oh come on, you raved about all the exciting ideas he brought up for a week after that parent meeting. Lil I thought you were mad. You downloaded Heart is like a Wheel."  
  
  
"Obviously I was mad. It must have been a premonition or something."  
  
  
"Uh huh", Judy proded deeper. "So your telling me you really don't like him?"  
  
  
"I am." Lily looked up at her sideways.   
  
  
"You know Karen talked a lot about that parent meeting too last year," Judy started to laugh. "Almost makes me wish I had a child just so I could have attended. She said he played music and spoke very animately. I remember her saying he seemed very passionate about the whole play."  
  
  
"Exactly my point. He gave up his job for Grace you know. He did. I don't even think she realizes that completely. That school board only suspended him. He would have been back the next term. The principle spoke with me shortly after even and pretty much layed it on the table. They wanted him back and if I as a parent was uncomfortable with that then possibly I would be moved to remove my child from the school. He even suggested that in 50 words or less. Of course camoflaged in back tracking and denial that they wanted to see that happen. The fact was they had recruited him. They were invested in Dimitri and although they thought the whole situation was regrettable, were willing to over look it. August had friends in that school and they were pressuring the VP, Brooker you name it. Even his students, a few from that Drama Club- asked for meetings or had their parents calling in. "  
  
  
"Wait, so he's August now?", Judy had to ask. "Maybe that says something about him then Lil."  
  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of." She paused, "If he inspires people he doesn't even really know like that, can you imagine if he wanted you to be his friend? If he went out of his way to encourage you?"  
  
  
"Does he know they want him back?"  
  
  
"They sent him a letter, it got forwarded to where he was teaching some adult education courses at that University in California. I guess he worked to get considered for these courses, and they gave it to him since he is apparently published- Whatever that means. hmf. "  
  
  
"You mean as a writer-", Judy asked wide-eyed leaning in.  
  
  
"Yes. So I've heard at least, and Upton did decide there was no reason for further pursuit of the matter so this other school took him right away on temporary contract. He's running the Drama Club out there he told us for the regular students of the college. In California... so I guess everything is turning out as smoothly as could be hoped for."  
  
  
"So what's bothering you then?"  
  
  
"The fact that I wrote him a letter too."  
  
  
"That's it? Well I don't see- I mean what did you write to him?"  
  
  
"Nothing. Forget I even mentioned it. But it's not the only thing I've been thinking about him. He really did do a great job with directing that play-"  
  
  
"Oh I know. I mean I was in tears when Grace was on stage, and the part where she sang-"  
  
  
"I know. That's what really sort of bothers me now. Just how good she was. And now real."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~"Had we but world enough, and time,  
This coyness, Lady, were no crime.  
We would sit down and think which way  
To walk and pass our long love's day,  
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side  
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide  
Of Humber would complain. I would  
Love you ten years before the Flood,  
And you should, if you please, refuse  
Till the conversion of the Jews.  
My vegetable love should grow  
Vaster than empires and more slow;  
An hundred years should go to praise  
Thine eyes and on thy forehead gaze;  
Two hundred to adore each breast,  
But thirty thousand to the rest;  
An age at least to every part,  
And the last age should show your heart.  
For, Lady, you deserve this state,  
Nor would I love at lower rate.  
But at my back I always hear  
Time's winged chariot hurrying near; " 


	21. Hand Over Mouth

Author's Note: This chapter is for someone I can't believe I have neglected to dedicate a chapter to. It was his birthday ("coming home day") only recently and I still remember the day I brought him home or fragments of it vividly. He was in an enclosure and reached his arm out to touch me. It was simple, charming. It was unique, and then I learned his first name and I knew he was mine. He was perfect. His name was perfect (I had been scouring name books to find the perfect meaningful name!) The other choice was "Ivan" one pen above him (now that would have been interesting given my current Russian interests), but I knew in my heart that when his slim white hand pressed mine I couldn't leave him there. He reached out and saved himself. Maybe he just decided I was the one, maybe some part of him knew. I remember singing, "hush little baby" and telling him I would always take care of him. His hands and yes feet are just so beautiful- he likes to hold hands, and we sing the Beatles "I wanna hold your hand..." out of tune and order, but he thinks my voice is lovely and he smiles (yes he does). The way his hair smells. I love his beautiful green eyes. I like his voice and would recognize it among others. He has important things to say. He tucks his tail between his legs in sleep. Or sometimes rests his hand under his chin. He says "hummf". He really really likes cheese (all kinds gruyere, edna, havarti, sharp packed cheddar..and "like" is understatement). He knows everything you say to him. He has dimples. He is funny. He bites a lot, but only family. The has a odd habit of holding onto your leg, when together in bed we sleep. This chapter, this whole story is dedicated to one above all others (even maybe above Eric Stoltz and Mr.D!!). It is for Sprout, love always.....me.  
  
Chapter title is inspired by Acting Out episode. And it's a short chapter (but hey it is dedicted to a short little guy :) Mom's little Martian tabby.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"The mime speaks, baby." L.F, line from a HAIKU FOR MR. DIMITRI.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
HAND OVER MOUTH  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It can be really weird the way that people are always surprising you. Mrs. Gonzalez was one of those people. She was resourceful, insightful and gracious. And yes she knew. It wasn't the type of secret that remained a secret long. But Mrs. Gonzalez remembered Grace from the meeting concerning the gay/straight alliance. She had admired the girl for her poise, her honesty and her decisive voice. Someone once told Grace in a locker room that her voice was unusual and that made her feel self conscious. They said about her speaking, that when she said something it just seemed "right", like that's the way things were. That's a rather double edged compliment to receive. But Mrs. Gonzalez was not privy to the locker room and instead based her assessment on a proposal she had once been given. Even if the words Grace said were simple, easily grasped. They held something that wasn't so easily grasped if ever held at all. The wounded speaking out to save another.   
  
It had been a jolt to Mrs. Gonzalez to hear the rumors in the school at the time. But she was one of the few who never made jokes or passed judgement on him. And when she passed Grace in the halls following she always mildly wondered. Even in her, all be it brief, meeting with Grace she could understand that if these two had done anything it would have been as equals. She thought about the way Dimitri had blinked when Grace went hurriedly past him through the doorway. She remembered his voice calling, "Grace!" And more so she was the one to take down the remaining signs for the alliance meetings after he had left. Brooker had told her what Grace had said at the meeting, of course she had had to ask. That they "didn't want to hear what she had to say". That was not quite true, they did. But not for the reasons that they should have maybe. It was rather like something she had read in a magazine of late if she could have quoted it. Gonzo thought of gossip. The grapevine. California raisins dancing in a row. Thought was funny.   
  
The article had included an argument for the healing power of gossip. That it could have a higher purpose. A Canadian philosopher de Sousa called it, "A saintly virtue" as the piece pursued the idea that, "Gossip allows us to exchange truths that might otherwise remain hidden, painting a truer picture of what it is to be human." That society if it never overflowed with talk would be a very different place, one that was polite and untruth. And no one would know, if no one spoke. It was an interesting point. Mrs. Gonzalez felt about being privy to the details of Grace and Dimitri's story she was given something rare. She was given a moment of something that could not be described.  
  
  
  
  
"So you're coming back aren't you? To Upton." , Gonzo asked Dimitri over hot drinks at the counter in Booklovers.  
  
  
Dimitri's eyes looked to Grace then back, "I've considered it yes." He had a lot of things he still wanted to discuss but not here and not yet. He leaned his back against the counter and turned to face the both of them.  
  
  
"That's great!"  
  
  
"But it's in no means decided yet. Don't quote me or anything", August looked upward with expression. He eased his elbow onto the bar, his long dark grey coat opening, his striped tie beneath.  
  
  
"I won't , but August it would be wonderful. And Grace is graduating next term anyway. You know you want this. If you started next fall-"  
  
  
"But what would people say?", Grace asked. And they all realized what was really being said.  
  
  
"People have been asking for that since last spring," Mrs. Gonzalez said in plain verse. "It's never been a question about that. Going to a movie? I don't think it really mattered to that many people. I know the student body in general have forgotten about it now. It's folk lore if anything, that's the way "the date" is infamous. But did it really matter to anyone? Well I doubt it did in a lingering way."  
  
  
"You don't think anyone cared?"  
  
  
"I'm being honest here with you Grace. A few cared. You and August cared. But in the general sense of everyone that was around then. It didn't really stay with most people the way it did with you guys. And that's fortunate and right. You wouldn't want everyone to know about it would you?"  
  
  
"But it was horrible, and in a way they should know. If only-"  
  
  
"If only it could have been made to change something? Well it did for you personally, and isn't that enough-"  
  
  
Dimitri had let Grace and Mrs. Gonzalez hash it out, but it was a song all about him. So August gave his point of view. "What exactly is enough. And who decides? Isn't that the real question in it all. Who decides. Is it you or a greater poll-"  
  
  
Mrs. Gonzalez more quietly, "The thing is August, you are welcome to come back. It's really all I wanted you to know. And I was glad to see you back in town today. I was glad to see you weren't alone."  
  
  
"Does it matter that much if I come back?", he asked because it was something he truly was seeking an answer to.  
  
  
"I think it does. " Mrs. Gonzalez got up to leave.  
  
  
Dimitri incredulous, "I could be teaching Jessie next term."  
  
  
"You could be. But you decide. Okay?"  
  
  
"Fair," he said.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Grace's cell phone rang. She had been given one by her dad when she started spending so much time with friends over the summer. She opened up her bag and fumbled to press the button.  
  
  
"Hello."  
  
  
"Hey sweetheart."  
  
  
August overheard the male voice saying sweetheart and a comical expression overcame him. Just who was calling her? Grace gave a pre-occupied shrug and put her hand over the receiver, mouthing the words "my dad." August thought she said "it's Tad".   
  
  
August half smiled and stepped back to look at a display rack of magazines.   
  
  
"So guess where I am?", Jake asked.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~"I told him of as good as he; so he laughed and let me go. But what talk we of fathers, when there is such a man as Orlando?" 


	22. Radio Silence

Author's Note: Thanks everyone for following along this week, and for the reviews. I tried Mr.Dimitri, I really tried.... but heck I like to read reviews. No you weren't hallucinating readers, Eli's smoking did not filter into your room or home .... I didn't post a chapter yesterday. Unfortunately some unforseen stuff popped up, and I didn't have as much as an hour to spare to write anything. But I promised seven chapters this week, so there is this one today and hopefully a nice long chapter tomorrow. I already have the last line I'm going to use in tomorrow's chapter in my mind.... but the in between part, who knows I shrug. The chapter title is also the title of a song on Elvis Costello's cd: When I was cruel. I liked it, you know Destiny Turned on the Radio and all that .... The music verses included are some of that music of 'weird old america' that he wanted in the play. Or at least the script writers visualized in the play.   
  
The gift he gave her for Christmas? The answer is it's whatever you need it to be. Myself when I re-read the chapter I saw it as gloves. ND, thought I meant it was a ring. I didn't actually consciously put a specific gift in at all. But now well I like the thought of gloves. Very Chekhov, what do you think?   
  
  
  
  
  
"If I am ever to be killed I would like Eric Stoltz to take my place in life. He's a great human being and a deep, refulgent actor with a terrific range. He is liked by all, and I am honored to work with him." ROGER AVARY.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
RADIO SILENCE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"~~If you miss the train I'm on  
You will know that I am gone  
You can hear the whistle blow, a hundred miles...."  
  
  
  
Dimitri lifted the needle easing the pressure on the record off. It didn't bear thinking about any longer. Honestly it was time to move on wasn't it. But why did he not want to. They were happy now and soon Grace would be graduating. Classes started again Monday, then what's six more months and that would end it all. It all. He changed the record.  
  
  
  
  
"~~Are you going to Scarborough Fair, parsley sage rosemary and time..  
Tell her to find me...  
Between the soft water..  
Then she will be a true love of mine."  
  
  
  
He smiled for she had found him. All the doubts he once had that he could make her happy, that he could be hurting her or damaging her innocence somehow had lifted. He was beginning to think maybe he was the innocent one. He had never perceived himself that way. No he was jagged, experienced, comfortable with himself. Wasn't he? But maybe it took a mistake to realize you never knew. That faith was more important than certainty. Free falling and letting happiness come. It was everywhere. Faith enough to find certainty and appreciate it. But he was scared, and he hadn't known it until she said what she did. Until Grace. A world without Grace was something inconceivable to him now, he had lived so long it seemed as part of that world. He thought he was the only one who knew he was scared, he never expected another person to understand. To understand that it wasn't for himself he was scared- not really, is was the fear that others were scared for him and didn't trust in him. August moved and sat down on a chair in his living room alone. Was he too old to start again? To start over and do it right this time. To write the right book. To be with the right woman. To do all the things maybe he sacrificed the first time. He had a messy history and it was useless to blame anyone for that now, even himself. All blame is shared. There is in fact no such thing as blame then...doesn't the thought that all can be held responsible in some minute way- well couldn't that cancel out the principle, in some way.  
  
  
August opened the curtains and looked out. He opened the drawer of his side table and took out his glass' case. He put them on. No more.   
  
  
Grace had given him a cd for Christmas, among all the other gifts she had given him. Joni Mitchell. He was sentimental enough for a man to be pleased about it. He knew Grace well enough and he saw pieces of her in the songs Joni sang...  
  
  
  
  
"~~Mama thinks she spoiled me.  
Papa knows somehow he set me free.  
Mama think she spoiled me rotten she blames herself, but how cause he blesses me  
It's a rough road to travel, but mama let go now  
It's always cold for me...  
Sometimes I get that feeling and I wanna settle down and raise a child up with somebody...  
But it passes like the summer   
I'm a wild seed again   
Let the wind carry me."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~********************************  
  
  
  
  
Grace was finishing up an essay at the counter and passed it over to Dimitri to proof read. There was a new addition to his fridge gallery. A picture of Grace, the only one he had as yet.   
  
  
  
"You know it's nice, this arrangement."  
  
  
"It is." He smiled. "But remember I'm not giving any opinion on this at all. Just proof reading."  
  
  
"Ever strict. Yes I understand", she nodded.  
  
  
August laughed and passed back the page. "There you go my nymph. Muse. Teacher of how to be human-"  
  
  
"So when are you due back in California? It seems you've been here a long time. [quickly] I didn't mean that like it sounded-"  
  
  
"I resigned."  
  
  
"What, but I -"  
  
  
"Grace, listen it isn't that-"  
  
  
Taking in what he had said, she was surprised. Not that he would do it, no it wasn't that. But that he hadn't told her until now.  
  
  
Dimitri scratched his neck and got up. He walked over to a woven basket on the counter and located an elastic. He pulled his hair back. All his hair in a small pony tail. "I wasn't decided the direction I was going to take, but California was too far from you. I enjoyed working on the play there, but I'd rather be working on plays here. Plays you could see and share with me. I'm not sure what will happen living here, where exactly I will find a place, but it doesn't matter. I want to be here. I like this house- "  
  
  
"So you've decided to go back to Upton Sinclair?"  
  
  
"I'm going in to meet with Mr. Brooker tuesday. Depending how it goes- well, I'm sort of excited about this.  
  
  
"Isn't it weird the thought of going back now?"  
  
  
"Isn't everything a little weird. Everything. Every single thing."  
  
  
"So we might, like meet up in the hall or something tuesday-"  
  
  
  
She gave him a weak smile. His eyes changed, in a way impossible to describe but in no way was the change indecernable. Suddenly overcome. It was a transformation that was seen before. The sudden blueness. Weird that there are no words, there should be. If someone ever finds them please tell me. He actually had freckles all over, something she hadn't really noticed before. Dimitri's thoughts were somewhere else, with all the things he tried so hard to ignore but became immediate, and she was there. He stepped forward and touched her face gently with his hands. He started to kiss her.   
  
  
Their lips parted and after the briefest interlude he came back again. He came back.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"And this emptiness fills my heart  
When I want to run away  
I drive off in my car...  
I come back to the things you are.  
  
All my instincts they return  
The grand fascade so soon with burn  
Without a noise  
Without my pride   
I reach out from the inside   
In your eyes" 


	23. A Door About to Close

Author's Note: The final chapter in the mini marathon Dimitri-mania week. Oh my God. Again thank you readers, I'm glad you were a part of this and I could not have asked for better reviews. I'm speechless, and your words are like Dimitri on a stool to me....touching. About this chapter well.... Jake rage is fun and I'm sorry but I sort of took the approach that ,as Mr.Dimitri said in the Eitt script about Jake (I don't think it made it into the episode)- he is just "so cliche". lol. Would you want him any other way? And I sort of boxed myself into a corner bringing him into this story, but he is Grace's father - Lily's rage-a-holic ex and we need to have his reaction too.   
  
  
  
  
"Soliloquy Jake sighs really loudly. "I am going to do some yoga," he says deliberately. He swallows hard and adds, "Judy does yoga. Of course. She says it calms you down." He tries to look optimistic, despite the fact that his face is soaked in sweat." TWOP, RECAPS- EPISODE 303.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A DOOR ABOUT TO CLOSE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll call the police. It has to be illegal." Jake was pacing in the back office at Booklovers, the door was closed. She had asked to speak with him. He had been pleased, foolishly he had thought maybe she was considering coming to work at the restaurant with him. He would be the first to admit he was out of touch with everything it seemed lately, but this was glaring. He worked with Judy. I mean this was unexpected, unrealistic- that he wouldn't somehow already know about this? Even Zoe. He was going to kill Zoe. Jake felt fevered.  
  
  
"It isn't. Actually we made sure of the state laws before going ahead with anything-"  
  
  
"On my God."  
  
  
"Dad-", Grace reached out her arm.  
  
  
"I can't believe this. That you would do something like this to us. You looked into the legality of it- the laws? Or was it that bastard's idea-"  
  
  
"No. It was a mutual decision. And I'm sorry if you can't understand this, but if you just met him. I know you would see-"  
  
  
"He didn't even have the guts to come here with you, did he? To tell me this. He sent you here alone and I bet he had a reason."   
  
  
"That's not true. He offered to come. I told him not to, because I had a reason." She turned his words back at him, "I did. I wanted you to hear it from me."  
  
  
"Convenient that and common sense on his part, he probably knew that you would say that-"  
  
  
"It wasn't an excuse. He wasn't trying to do anything by this. Actually he's even waiting outside.."   
  
  
"Great" Jake started for the office door, but Grace's voice stopped him. "Please don't do it." He turned to look at her. Her eyes were sparkling and she was choking on the lump in her throat.  
  
  
"Gracie. I'm not going to hit him if that's what you think-", Jake paused. "But I am filing a complaint with the school board. Watch me. You may be 'legal' now, but when he started taking an interest in you back in that play you were sixteen and a student. I never want him in a school again-"  
  
  
"I expected this I did. Please, God , please don't do anything. It would be worse than Alexa, or the school board questioning even. Believe me, please. Because if you betrayed us it would be worse than anything that's happened yet."  
  
  
"Betrayal? Are you joking. Grace you need to grow up and quit lying to yourself."  
  
  
"But that's what it would be. I couldn't forgive you."  
  
  
"Us." Jake repeated the word, "So that's how it is then. Grace I wouldn't hurt you. But if you think you can make this sound right by waving legislature and making me thankful you haven't eloped with the guy or something. Cause obviously I have no power to annul it you say...but Grace I've known you all your life. You're asking me to trust you, I do. I trust you- not him. He is using you-"  
  
  
"You don't even know him."  
  
  
"I know some things." Jake sat down on the edge of his desk and looked at his daughter. "He's what forty years old? And he hasn't married by now- do you seriously think he ever will. Look at the age difference alone. He may not know it but he is using you. You need to stop lying now-"  
  
  
"No one's lying here. And August and I, well nobody's using anybody. What would you say if you knew I was the one who went after him. I was the one who convinced him to do this. I was the one who lied to get into his house and offered him-", Grace numerated off her check list of questionable actions.  
  
  
"Grace stop ok. I'm not interested in your version because no doubt he made it seem that way. But he must have done something to start it all."  
  
  
  
  
Grace turned and left the office.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~********************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
"~~Baby it's cold outside..  
  
I wish I knew how  
Your eyes are like starlight now  
To break the spell  
I'll take your hand, your hair looks swell  
I ought to say no, no, no, sir  
Mind if I move in closer  
At least I'm gonna say that I tried  
What's the sense of hurting my pride  
I really can't stay  
Baby don't hold out  
  
sung together  
Ahh, but it's cold outside"  
  
  
August took at drink and placed his cup down in the cup holder. He reached over to turn down the volume of the car stereo. He liked Ella, but Ella was meant for good times and happiness. Grace right now was miserable. It hadn't gone well but a least he wasn't shaved, beaten to a pulp and left in the back seat of his car. He had to admit Jake had surprised him on their first meeting. That the first meeting had been the questioning at the school did put an ackwardness on the situation was undeniable, but still the thought of stepping outside was laughable. What purpose did that comment serve? Expect to make Jake look like an idiot, but Dimitri didn't think Jake was that way. After all he knew Grace loved him. There had to be something in Jake that justified his existence in her world. Besides he had a feeling maybe that was where she got it. The impulsiveness. It seemed more Jake than Lily, and Dimitri was grateful for her innocent abandon of convention. It had given him a memorable kiss.  
  
  
  
  
"Are you okay? Grace -"  
  
  
"You know the weird thing is I should care but I don't. I don't [and she had almost convinced herself of that too..] He is ridiculous and insane. If he weren't my father I'd seriously think he should be hospitalized."  
  
  
"You don't mean that."  
  
  
"I do."  
  
  
Dimitri let the breath he had been holding escape. He smiled, "But it's over now. Smooth sailing, remember." He touched her chin. Grace retured his smile and moved closer.   
  
  
"I liked that song that was playing-"  
  
  
"Me to."  
  
  
"Would you teach me to forget a banished father?", Grace asked in her best stage Rosalind.  
  
  
"I wouldn't. I would teach you to remember him."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~********************************************  
  
  
  
  
Later that night Grace was in her room. She was reading a book that with reluctant honesty could be said she hadn't looked at in a while. The words, the writing it was so , so perfect. She fingered the cover and reading the inscription smiled again. It was better this way, keeping it as her own. And it was eminently better that the book was previously used with dog-eared pages and discolouring here and there. It made you free of fear of the crisp whiteness and perfection that often chanced to come with new books. Each time she read it there seemed to be a different passage that stood out. Or a different potential meaning to the same turn of phrase. It never ceased to stop enchanting. She closed the book and gently replaced it on the shelf. Grace picked up the chinese balls August had given her when he came back from California and turned them over in her hand. Lily came through from the hall...  
  
  
  
"So I heard about today."  
  
  
Grace looked over, "From who? No wait I don't even want to know-"   
  
  
"I want to start off by saying your father's been hurt a lot in his life-"  
  
  
"It's no excuse." Grace moved her feet to allow her mother a spot to sit on the bed.  
  
  
"No your right it isn't, but some people are just predisposed to act in certain ways. Personality is all there is to some extent. But it isn't entirely everything."  
  
  
"Fine"  
  
  
"Well fine, Grace the thing is I know you're upset but I talked to your dad today too. He called me. After. [Lily hated seeing Grace troubled and believed that she could help..] And it's not as bad maybe as you think it is. He's upset yes, but I talked him out of most of it and he's actually more surprised than anything. Shock makes people react in a lot of different ways. I don't think it's that he actually disapproves of you and August, it's just he feels like he missed something. Something vitally important and I understand that. I think he's actually glad it's Mr.Dimitri and not some teenager or college kid or worse. Your father is irrational but you know him too. He cares about pride, status- whether that's a good thing who knows. I think he's relieved in a way that your boyfriend is a teacher, that he is established somewhat, that he is older- I may never say this again...wiser. I think he may actually be proud of you."  
  
  
"That's too twisted-"  
  
  
"Maybe. But that's what I got from your dad."  
  
  
"He said that?"  
  
  
"Well not in those words, but it makes it easier for him in a way. You have to know it's going to take us some time to see you as an adult, just out there and with a boyfriend who is charming, red haired and in love with you hanging around. Regardless who he is. Grace don't laugh at me-"  
  
  
"I'm sorry but, I can't believe you said boyfriend. It's so I don't know- But I just I can't believe Dad said all that because this afternoon-"  
  
  
"He was in shock-", Lily reached over to stroke Grace's hair. The move caught Grace off guard but she relinquished. "This afternoon he said something different. That's how people are sometimes and -"  
  
  
"Paradoxal."  
  
  
"What? I -"  
  
  
"It just doesn't seem right, but it's still true. A paradox."  
  
  
Lily sighed, "You really have changed Grace. [she paused, and continued with humor] And it's okay. When did you get so smart, and where did my old Gracie go? The one who needed- "  
  
  
Grace cut her off, "I think maybe she vanished. She went out in the rain one night and never came back." Grace looked at Lily a moment then closed her eyes. Grace leaned her head back against the headboard.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***************************************  
  
  
  
  
"So that's all there is?", August asked. They exited the office and Brooker turned to close the door behind him.  
  
  
"All we need is for you to come back and sign a few final forms and that's it." Mr. Brooker acknowledged.  
  
  
"It."  
  
  
"It's a time consuming thing, but eventually we will get to the end, everything is put into motion now " Brooker said to Dimitri. "And Mr.Dimitri, welcome back."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~"There is a ship that sailed the sea  
She's loaded deep as deep can be  
And not as deep as the love I have  
I don't know how I sink or swim  
The water is wide  
I can't cross o'  
And neither have I wings to fly  
Give me a boat that can carry two  
And both shall roam   
My love and I." 


	24. I Can't Help It

Author's note: Hi everyone!! Wow, it's been a really really long time. Arg, please excuse the rust. I was just kicking back, rocking in my chair listening to Linda Ronstadt and I thought something seems to be missing. But then of course I knew what it was. Then I thought of you readers and of fan fiction. I thought maybe I better write something :) Well, so yep here I am. No idea what I'm going to write next...none. Noone. Well I've got my title at least (see below-, ignore that this arrow goes the wrong way heh) About the title, I think it's quite nice. In Experience is the Teacher, Dimitri told Grace he couldn't help it. Joyfully, neither can I. Mr.Dimitri is just so cool. Like a river flows, so to does Dimitrilove flow. Always. All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small -somehow we can link Dimitri to them all....  
  
  
Okay well now I've written my chapter and I'm back! (please excuse the lack of continuity here in this intro and be thankful you hopefuly don't have my weird brain..) I'm not sure what I think of this chapter but it is definitely groundwork for ones to come. I have this weekend off from work so any ideas for this story get them on my desk (email- jeanl2@sympatico.ca) by say Saturday and I will see what I can do. In case you missed that, it was me crying for help. Please review. Help. Helpp. This man is too much for me I think. One idea I had was that we really should see some of his poetry sometime soon. What do you think?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"some say the heart is just like a wheel  
when you bend it you can't mend it  
but my love for you is like a sinking ship  
and my heart is on that ship out in midocean.."  
  
LINDA RONSTADT  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I CAN'T HELP IT (IF I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU)  
  
  
  
  
  
Mr.Dimitri walked holding his briefcase and sighed. This was it. It. The big one. Jesus were people actually staring at him? No it was indeed not a figment of his constrained imagination. That kid in the green jacket just did a double take. August ran his fingers through his hair smoothing it in places -at least he thought he was smoothing, but possibly the effect was to give him a more tousled look which was more what actually happened. He smiled a small smile to Emily, he recognized her from his English Literature class last year. She had been a sophmore, not in Grace's class. Nice kid, played the drums he remembered. Emily said brightly, "Hi Mr.Dimitri!". He smiled again. She had done percussion for the introduction to 'As You Like It'. That mood setting music he had used at the beginning. Dimitri remembered when he had showed her the beat he wanted on the piano that was kept backstage. He never could play the drums. Drums were best left to Phil Collins or someone bent with that particular inclination. She had even worn a beret for him. She seemed transfixed to see him, maybe even blinking- actually almost winking it looked a little like. He gunned it up the stairs.   
  
  
If he just kept moving the safety and sanctity of the classroom would he is. His classroom. It was a weird thought that; 'his classroom' and that thought being one he hadn't ever though he would have again. Not in even his remotest plans had he believed he would return to this particular school. It was astounding. He started to smile, it was just really weird. He hadn't been a substitute since his early days teaching, that first year of scattered placements. His classroom was on the second floor, a different end of the school from his own room. Yes, it still persisted the thought that he had a room. He had gone past it on his way to this temporary set up and looked inside as he passed. The new occupant had changed the posters-wall hangings, desk placement but not much else had changed. The windows still shone the same amount of light and the chalk board seemed to be missing something. His writing. His handwriting. And Grace was not at her desk.  
  
  
He scanned the stacks of novels, picking up one and opening another off the shelves that were along the wall in this other room. MacBeth. Hmmm. King Lear. He looked over the items on the teacher's desk. Mrs. Dinnis. He tried the name with the "Mrs." outloud. It was always interesting to know exactly who you were replacing. She had large, vague handwriting. She seemed to ask for an essay. August already knew though he had no intention of asking these students for the essay she was looking for. The class started to enter as he was writing on the board. He always liked to add something that would make them realize he was there for them, not just the curriculum. One of his favorites worked for this particular class so he started to write it up. In the top right hand corner in caps, "These poets are dead but..". He liked to vary the but.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***************************  
  
  
  
  
He had got the call from Brooker around seven in the morning asking if he was free. First class would be second period and then he would have a class every interval following that. Yes, that had been fine. He knew where Grace's locker was, or at least where it had been. Did they actually assign those things by the year or for your entire life in highschool? It wasn't something a teacher really spent a great deal of time in thought about. It seemed to be the latter. Grace turned the corner and spotted him farther along down the hall. He was standing near the door of a classroom and reading a flyer on the bulletin board. He wasn't really reading. She sort of blinked too. But it was different than Emily's blink and it was okay. She seemed to be heading for the library. Calculating there was enough time, like a smooth operator he went down the stairs in pursuit. Dimitri chipped a "hello" to the librarian and moved along the upper area with the cubicles. Obviously she was somewhere. He wished this could have been worked out a little better. A plan or something could have been of use.  
  
  
  
  
"Grace."  
  
  
"August! What are you-"  
  
  
"I know, I was summoned this morning [with mocking then again normal..] and I didn't have a chance to call you. You would have already been headed--", he paused. Grace completed the thought, "For school."   
  
  
"Exactly."  
  
  
"So-" Grace smiled at him.   
  
  
"So."  
  
  
  
Grace started to ramble, "Okay, maybe it's just me but this is starting to freak me out." She started to look around as Dimitri started to laugh.  
  
  
"Freaking right along with you Grace." There was a momentary nothingness, stillness and it said all that was ever needed. He lowered his eyes and reached out touching her arm gently and platonically.  
  
  
Grace had stopped as if frozen and placed her hand to her mouth, mumbling. "I just never expected. [she stopped to clarify herself better, he had that trying to understand look on his face. He actually looked quite priceless when he was baffled, in thought. That look. ] I mean I knew it was going to happen, I knew that. But I never quite pictured it if you know what I mean. I never though I'd see it myself, you back. You back here." Grace sounded angry. He thought he knew why.   
  
  
  
Dimitri brushed a stray hair from her lovely lovely face. She looked flushed, he hadn't noticed it that night when she asked to share his wine, put her hand over his and he had felt his life had flashed before his eyes - at least the three months before that moment flashed with alarming rapidity. Now he knew what it looked like. Lily had said she looked flushed, but he himself hadn't remarked on it particularly. He had just been startled by her features suddenly in that moment. She had been flushed when he talked about not being friends too. She was rosy now. It was unbelievably cute. August was more shocked to realize he had just thought the word, "cute" then anything else. Grown men didn't think cute did they? Did it even matter. Cute was for puppies.   
  
  
  
  
"I have to go-", he started gently.  
  
  
"I know." she nodded. Then pushed him.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~***************************  
  
  
  
  
  
He hadn't written a poem in, well it was just too long. He hadn't really wanted to. There had been some half hearted sloppy stuff after his seperation from Grace, but not anything worth seeing by anyone. Least of all Grace or anyone she knew. Or he knew. But of course he had still kept it. Mind boggling that. Writing was methodical, you just sat down and started. It was fluent, it had its own soul and heart. It almost breathed. It almost, but not quiet, shuddered. In a really good way. Now he wanted to write something. Not just anything, something good and to be proud of. He looked up, a few heads were bent down working. Others were talking amongst themselves. He caught stray words here and there but nothing stood out. He had to be alone to write his poetry, it didn't behoof artistic creation or temperament to write it with other people around watching him. Almost lunch.  
  
  
  
  
The staffroom smelled like coffee and fetticini maybe. As suspected someone had something questionable in the microwave as he passed by. Coffee would be good now. It wasn't a favorite drink exactly but it lent to bonding, comfort and ease. Good things when you were precariously clinging to your hold on things. A few teachers were grouped in the corner looking over papers. August wondered what the papers were for. He caught the reflected image of himself in a mirror over by the metal closet that was used for coats if you didn't want to take yours to class (he did). Wow. It didn't even look like the same person. Well, ok clearly it was but again it just wasn't. He touched his hair again. Grace had made him cut it. It did look good, she had later said it would "grow back". And the suit. It had been part of his plan. The diabolical plan of school domination. He had vanished so perfectly that he had felt since he was now coming back something was needed. To take the school by storm seemed to be the ticket. Grace again had played a part. After it was official he was returning they went shopping and he got a kick out their day picking out his new wardrobe. She wanted trousers -had actually used that word making him laugh, certainly much better than dress pants, slacks, mearly pants. Today he was wearing a dark chocolate suit and light blue shirt. A navy tie with pattern completed the look. It was like that was one of those pretty boys in GQ. It was sort of ok to feel pretty. He had always had the right clothes but it was rare you had anywhere to wear the things to. The other day he and Grace had gone to Booklovers, he had been wearing jeans and a ball cap. Judy had almost choked on something. Later Grace told him it was because Judy hadn't recognized him, she had thought Grace was there with someone else. In passing he wondered if Judy had though he was Eli. He sat in an arm chair in the corner with his coffee and watched the other teachers take their turns watching him. Among the grey suits and skirts, colleagues would surface to chat here and there. "Yes substituting." he answered. "Next fall." "I hadn't thought about the drama club." "No one asked yet but I wouldn't see a problem." "It was really sunny there." "I can't believe they did that."   
  
  
  
  
  
~****************************  
  
  
  
He closed the light to the classroom and half shut the door. He only paused a fraction of a second with the door and started to move up the hall towards the stairs, zipping up the front of his coat as he moved along. Down a side corridor he noticed another teacher also leaving. He wasn't even thinking it was just pure mechanics. Walk. Down the hall. It had just been so much like a dream. And now it was over just like that.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"~~a picture from the past came slowly stealing  
as I blushed your arm and stood so close to you  
suddenly I got that old time feeling  
I can't help it if I'm still in love with you.." 


	25. Easier Than Grendal

Author's note: Hey, new chappy. I've been intimidated. I was scared - not joking here. By nothing other than all the fabulous writing I've been reading lately!! (all these fanfics I reread, and other stuff) I just really like my little story- in the beginning it was only an experiment; something fun to try (and I didn't know almost all the readers then!!) and I was just stumbling around lostinDimitri's eyes. Back then it was mine (I think maybe I understand Dimitri not writing poetry anymore). I never expected it to go into this many chapters, and now I really can't figure out how to continue it. That is a switch, no? I've never had a problem thinking up endings, resolutions - it's a beefy inbetween I struggle with. I think maybe I've just channeled the Once and Again writing team! So I decided to end this story - I would write a long chapter that would end it all...then of course I would begin a new story. A fresh start. I've really had so many other ideas lately that there are at least a good half dozen stories I want to write around this pair. I even heard the lines in my head, thought up whole paragraphs in my head for the ending of this one--it was going to be really out there (or not). It was going to be all a dream. Whose I won't say or at which point the story became a dream (in case I end up doing it after all). But I reread this story from the beginning today and I changed my mind. I had thought it was really bad, but maybe it isn't as bad as I thought. So ...new chappy :) Maybe I was wrong.   
  
But this will be my last MonsterAuthorIntro, these things just started growing out of control and now must be stopped!!   
  
  
  
  
  
"Why wait any longer for the world to begin,   
you can have your cake and eat it too.  
Why wait any longer for the one you love,  
when he is standing in front of you."   
  
Bob Dylan, Lay Lady Lay.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
EASIER THAN GRENDAL  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Mr. Dimitri sat at the desk of the faceless Mrs. Dinnis and read aloud from a beaten paperback. The Norton Introduction to Literature; third edition. One hand held the book as the other rested on the busy desk. "And voices in me said, If you were a man You would take a stick and break him now, and finish him off. But I must confess how I liked him, How glad I was he had come like a guest in quiet, to drink at my water-trough. And depart peaceful, pacified, and thankless, Into the burning bowels of this earth?  
Was it cowardice, that I dared not kill him?  
Was it perversity, that I longed to talk to him?  
Was it humility, to feel so honored?  
I felt honored."  
  
  
Dimitri looked up at the class before him, then at the clock. Some were listening eyes averted, some watched other students at their desks, others watched the teacher -but no one seemed not to be thinking something. Something of their own. He began again, "Anyway this is one of D.H Lawrence's more well known works. It is a really good poem in its entirety. He really shows exactly what he is feeling throughout, and the conclusion when he (Dimitri is thinking of something else) - he turns his back on the snake, chooses harming it and later realizes what he lost. It's a brilliant study, so... [pause] I'm assigning the rest for homework." Amidst the groans, "I know your teacher would approve. So for tomorrow finish up ,'The Snake' and--"   
  
  
  
Dimitri paused again as the bell rang, and toyed with the Norton's book cover as the students commenced shoving papers into binders, closing notepads and craming things in their backpacks.  
  
  
  
"And really, it's worth what I know will no doubt be the huge effort to read it!"   
  
  
  
Immediately he regretted it-- parts of what he had said. In a way that had always been something he could critize himself for. He gave too much in the classroom. It wasn't a bad thing necessarily but it wasn't the norm of the "professional" either. He became the lesson, when all that was asked was that he be the teacher. So to the students who were only watching often they would not even see him, or register a distinct personality aside from what he wanted a particular class to see. That happened sometimes. To be so good at a part of your life that you disappear, you disappear into it maybe sometimes forgetting to resurface, that there is room of anything else and therefore the talent of the vanishing act is completely missed. Sometimes. Or at times not. There can be something more. Sometimes the right ear will be there listening and understand the tune of the music. Dimitri started to gather the papers the students were leaving on his desk in a hapzard pile as they left and he placed them in his briefcase. A distinct personality? Hmmf. Certainly his students over the years had always pointed out to him his quirks. At times this was enduring and at times exasperating depending on the frame of mind when he heard them. At lot depends. Being a successful teacher can depend on what it is your teaching, and to whom. It wasn't hard to flirt through life if that was what was wanted. He had one more day as a replacement then was looking forward to going into hiding again. It was such a freeing thing to have that space. A space to be nothing but what you want at any given moment. And there were plenty of things he could be. Would be. Was.   
  
  
  
Grace flew out of the school with a speed that surprised even herself. She moved through the students, buses and cars with their engines running, through to the teacher's parking. August was just opening his car door and getting in. Grace gave a small wave to him through his window, and moved around to the passenger side getting in.  
  
  
  
"So when do I get to drive."  
  
  
August adjusting the rearview said, "Looks like you've already had your way with my car-"  
  
  
"I so did not."  
  
  
"Hmmm. Maybe, but I've never known my mirror to lie to me," Dimitri went on light heartily. He put his arm around the back of Grace's seat, turning his head to see better and clear the parking space without incident.   
  
  
"It was a really quick spin. Only a spin. That is my story." Grace looked out the passenger window, as the Hybrid moved out of the parking and into the roadway. Dimitri's eyes shifted over to her and back on the road. His eyes held mirth. "So have the other teachers been abusing you-"  
  
  
"What-"  
  
  
Grace blurted out, "Because of me, or anything. Or what happened -"  
  
  
"No, everybody's been-- [searching for a word] good."  
  
  
"I just worried, you know. When you said it was only temporary right now until that teacher returns, and that even if probably all the teachers, administration or whatever realize you and I -- that it was not a big deal because it's not really a contracted position yet, it was an emergency and it's not like you're teaching me--"  
  
  
August broke in, "And I won't be."  
  
  
Grace pushed her gloves into her lap, "It's so ... unjust."  
  
  
He started laughing and as Grace shot him a futile look, he laughed on. "I really had no idea you were that moved by my teaching."  
  
  
Grace's expression softened, "I was moved."  
  
  
"Really?"  
  
  
"Sometimes."  
  
  
"This is really devastating me- I -"  
  
  
"August, you were--and are-- incredibly educating and interesting. I wouldn't stalk just any teacher."  
  
  
  
  
Dimitri smiled and time elasped when he pulled the car alongside the curb in front of Grace's home. It was just so easy to be with Grace. He turned to her, as she pulled her bag from the backseat into the front compartment and opened the door. Grace almost wished he would get a new car. A car she was less familiar with, so new that she wouldn't be sure how to open the latch once she was in it. There was limitless fun in that concept, but reality reared it's head. Technically unemployed for another few months it was highly unlikely that would be happening.   
  
  
  
"So I have to watch Robert for an hour until Rick gets home. And then I'm taking Jessie to therapy and- "  
  
  
"Jessie doesn't drive yet?"  
  
  
"Uh not yet," she looked at him pointedly, "But seriously she better. [Grace smiled at him] Anyway I can stop by later."  
  
  
"Okay", they just stayed there for a fraction of a moment suspended before Grace...  
  
  
"So until later."  
  
  
He nodded-- almost shyly.   
  
  
  
He was at one point discussing a simpler transportation because his Hybrid would be sold in a snap, and there is any abundance of older mid-80's cars out there crying out to be owned by a fallen from grace high school teacher. His best buddy at the school had one. One of his few really close friends at Upton, most of his spare time had been spent in Chicago or travelling before he found a reason to stay. An older car, it was a highly recommended mode of transport. Not quite mature, but better than the skateboard in his back porch. August during the quick intervel of thoughts, smiled at Grace as she got out of his car and looked back a few times before darting into the side door. It always sort of brought him back to the strange reality of the present situation when he saw her retreating from anyplace. Head-on you could almost forget her age, her position, anything but her. But as she turned and left was another story. You saw the bookbag, the shiny hair, the youth and it was easy to forget who she really, really was. Grace should never have had to retreat from anyplace. She didn't even know about his skateboard in the porch he thought. It almost pleased him that she was right, there were a lot of things she didn't know about him. The table tennis matchs at Glen's house when they were both teaching in the city. He used to be really good at that. A past was a neat thing, it could give you something to share and for others to look forward to. He thought of showing Grace to properly drive his car (a stick shift) and thought about the skateboard. Maybe a new car would be too much change, and maybe it wouldn't even be needed.  
  
  
  
He pulled away eager to get home, and work on something he had started. And then there was the thick stack of pages he had found earlier in the day on his desk - the classroom desk that is - when he returned there after lunch. An anonymous contribution. Between it and what was lying on the bookshelf in his home, which he had been thinking about it off and on all day- this hopefully was going to be a fun night. Then there would be later. August's jaw tighened and moved slightly as he thought about getting home, and more thoughts drifted to his just dropping off Grace. He hadn't expected kissing in the car outside her house or anything.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I think I did not hit him,  
But suddenly that part of him that was left behind convulsed in undignified haste  
Writhed like lightening, and was gone  
Into the black hole, the earth-lipped fissure in the wall-front,  
At which, in the intense still noon, I stared with fascination.  
And immediately I regretted it.  
I thought how paltry, how vulgar, what a mean act!  
I despised myself and the voices of my accursed human education.  
And I thought of the albatross  
And I wished he would come back, my snake." 


	26. Just Like This Train

"In any case... Gilbert smiles with one side of his mouth...I'm certain that once again you will awe 3x ...lab coat propped open...With your intellect...waist cocked between thumb and forefinger........  
He is calling her name.  
Yes sir?  
Was that a yawn?  
Sir? I don't think so.  
You don't know whether you were yawning?  
I. I guess I was.  
Guess. "   
'Schooling' Heather McGowan.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
JUST LIKE THIS TRAIN  
  
  
  
  
  
"You know I realized, after you were gone that we never did get in any kissing in today did we?" , Dimitri smiled as he drew Grace into his arms in his kitchen. No radio, no cds, not even a old LP. Just August and Grace. It was late, dark. Evening.  
  
  
"I wasn't sure you noticed that" Grace said in an even voice looking back at him and suddenly feeling nervous. Not even sure why. He started to kiss her lips softly before letting out the breath he was holding in rasply.  
  
  
"I notice everything."  
  
  
"Narcissis.", Grace teased. August began to shake and laugh gently, "Okay". He stepped back a pace, "I read your story that you left me and it was [he wanted to choose the right word]-- it was nothing like I thought it would be. It was complete. Completely, precisly [he continued on..] , exactly how it had to be. Beautiful."  
  
  
Grace, "Really". Grace is completely blown away. She had known it was good but August had always found something wanting in all the previous drafts. This wasn't the only story she worked on, there were plenty she had completed - even seen published sporadically, that August had been decently satisfied with - but this was the story. The one from last year. The one she gave a term of her life to, and that she gave him.   
  
  
Dimitri moved closer again taking her hands in his, "so I guess it wasn't all for naught."  
  
  
"Even though the last draft you said was so bad, you like totally let it flutter away from your hands ...", Grace took the heavy manuscript held with a small black clip that he had moved to pick up off the counter and handed to her, "You let it fall in that mud puddle, remember? And I was ready to murder you--" Grace traced the cover pages lightly with her finger than put the papers down near her bag that was close to the door.  
  
  
"Uh huh"  
  
  
"--Then you said , 'hey it could almost be like napalm now!'--"  
  
  
Dimitri chuckled, "And you didn't know what napalm was-"  
  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
  
But Dimitri continued on, "And you were absolutely infuriated because you had no idea what was going to come next." He looked at her cautiously, cause there really was something behind it all. Her story was beautiful and in a way it had decided for him something that had been in the back of his mind for could it be days, weeks, - certainly not any longer than that? No. Decidedly no. This would be the first time this would ever happen to him, it had never happened anywhere else yet anyway. Not to him.  
  
  
Dimitri suddenly serious, quietly spoke, "Grace."  
  
  
Grace stopped with the giddy, endorphined overload drug of love that engulfed all senses. Maybe chemists didn't lie when they came out with that theory that love and attraction were in large part based on scent, blame it on the pheromones. Because whenever they got together something uniquely mysterious happened. But Grace looking over at August now, he was just looking at her. Not staring just looking. His pale orange eyelashes flicked for a moment. He was certainly contemplating something.  
  
  
August gave an audible breathe then, "This is just something I was thinking of just throwing out there. Sort of like an open forum--"  
  
  
"Okay", Grace offered.  
  
  
"Did you know that 'destiny'- that wonderful word which, well forordains a course of events or person's fate- is actually at the root of the word destination. Destination is a wonderful word in itself though. It's like a place to which a person or thing is bound. The intended end of a journey-"  
  
  
"August".  
  
  
"Grace, please I've given this some serious thought and-"  
  
  
"Oh my god." Grace put her hand to her mouth. She was smiling but all she could do was hold her hand there.   
  
  
Dimitri echoed the thought, as if it occured to both. "My God."  
  
  
Grace removed her hand, "If you say don't laugh at me, I will just die." But August did start to laugh and his eyes were disturbingly becoming moister than he wanted.   
  
  
"Grace-"  
  
  
"I know" And she was not crying, nor elated, nor anything there is a word for. I'm searching for a word. She was honored. Because from the pocket of August's chocolate brown corduroy jacket he had brought his hand. And as his hands reached and held hers... Because now after all that had passed they didn't have to pull their hands apart as if jolted anymore. Because there was no guilt. His hand held a ring. And her fingers, lovely, gentle gracefully (a combination of grace and honor..hmm) took the ring up.   
  
  
"Grace, I never expected this. And I will never know for sure exactly what happened but I - "  
  
  
"I know," she almost whispered.  
  
  
"I know you do" 


	27. Just Finishing Something

"Yes he said. Sadly enough that's the case. In that case I said I got up to go we could hear them getting nervous outside I want to tell you that you always rated one hundred in my book. Oh God you said like you were going to cry but you put your hand on top my head like I was a teapot you led me outside."  
'Schooling' by Heather McGowan  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
JUST FINISHING SOMETHING  
  
  
  
  
Grace closed the door behind her and moved daze like towards the hooks on the wall. She hung up her longer black coat and her scarf. Her left hand seemed immensely conspicuous to her with the ring wrapped around it. August's ring. But the kitchen was a perfect place to disguise conspicuous hands in a way, so many counters and appliances. And dish towels. Lily was drinking something and looking over papers at the table, and Grace wanted to run to her. She wanted to hug her and tell her. She wanted to cry because August had asked her to be his wife. And she was almost eighteen, truly almost there. And she had said yes. And August had kissed her like he was not about to ever let her go, safe, sweet, comfortable and inexplicably hers. Yet edgy and passionate too. Nothing had ever been more beautiful. Not the day she asked to taste his wine, not their first kiss, not even when he told her he had chosen, he'd chosen her and that she was "perfect for this". Or when he's cried out "Wait" as she had retreated. Maybe the moment where he stood up from his stool after the play, his play, her play, their hands precariously bound maybe, just maybe that instant came close. If a parallel is needed. A comparison. Which John Donne poem the proposal would compare too is debatable though.   
  
  
"Hi sweetie -" , Lily looked up and noticed Grace looked startled. "Mom!" And because Grace couldn't help and she didn't want to have to help it. It wasn't like this was the most shocking thing that had ever happened in their lives. Grace leaned against the counter for support.  
  
  
"Mom- I --"  
  
  
"Grace are you okay?", Lily started to get up but something instinctively told her maybe not to, because maybe she would need to be sitting for this. Lily couldn't breathe. She felt herself grasping for air willing it into her because she needed to know what Grace looked so scared about. Grace smiled at her. Grace smiling so much it hurt.   
  
  
"Mom. I'm getting married. August and I -" , but her mother cut her off.  
  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
  
Lily looked at Grace and her expectant expression, like the lost little girl Lily looked for everywhere some days. The girl she had always believed to be okay. To be more okay than most adults could hope to be. This beautiful creation was telling her she was going to marry her mentor. A teacher practically twice her age, who also wrote. He wrote things to her. And that Grace believed would one day write them for everyone to see. In the heartbeats that passed in the moments since the word "married" formed Lily was happy, she was, because she knew that Mr.Dimitri truly did love her Grace. And she genuinely liked him despite her wanting to not. And that was nobody's fault. But he was still Mr.Dimitri to Lily. The mentor who took her daughter to japanese movies, gave her Chekhov and one day would -- Would maybe be outgrown. Because that's what being a protege meant- one day the mentor wasn't there anymore. Couldn't be there, but you were okay because you were given really rare and valuable lessons. Lily got up and rushed, the slow motion feeling like a rush, to hold Grace.   
  
  
Grace smiled as she let her mother hold her. Lily broke off the exchange and standing close asked , "Can I see it. I mean I assume you got a ring--?"  
  
  
"Of course." Grace offered her hand for inspection. She looked at her mother who was taking in her ring. Grace felt she needed to offer something, a reassurance. "August thought it would be best if we waited a bit though." Grace looked off to the side. "He wants me to finish my school, college and everything. He just, I mean-- he knew that I wanted something like this--"  
  
  
Lily stepped back, "Of course he knew that." Because he always did seem to know her daughter, her Grace.   
  
  
Grace still looked expectant. So Lily continued, "Everyone is going to be floored."  
  
  
Grace laughed, "I know. I can't wait. If only I could convince him to make it sooner. And I sort of think it's doable--", Grace went on looking blissful.   
  
  
Lily suddenly realized something, "But I'm really surprised he didn't come here with you to tell everybody--"  
  
  
Grace nodded, "But it just seems better this way, much more-- you know, intimate and everything."  
  
  
Lily arched her eyebrows. "Intimate--" . She let the word trail off getting lost.  
  
  
Lily also added because she felt thankfulness in part, "It is smart though-- to wait. Just better all around really--"  
  
  
Grace frowned slightly making a crease appear on her brow. It sort of furrowed.   
  
  
Grace started to move towards the doorway, she wanted to see if anyone else was still up. It was practically 11pm on a weekday but chances were Jessie or Eli where somewhere lurking. And even Rick. And she really wanted to see Zoe. Zoe was going to make a gorgeous bridesmaid. Grace couldn't even phantom that she had school the next day, or how a person who had just been proposed marriage by a person like August Dimitri could go to school and sit in various chairs, and watch all these other people. The Alexas, The Katies, The Russells and Tads , and be there too. Grace smiled. And it seemed like something was carrying her to something very important, and it seemed like there should be background music. And it seems like it could almost be "Angela Smiled" by W.G Snuffy Walden and it seemed instrumental was somehow enough as a background. You don't always need a boombox. A time and place for everyone and everything. If they only knew, right? Is it the "circle of life"? I dunno. Grace said, "I'm going to tell Eli" , and elated she moved off toward the garage entranceway. She reached in her hoodie pocket, feeling for than holding a slip of paper. A poem from August. A beautiful poem.   
  
  
As Grace left the kitchen she looked over her shoulder to her mother who was heading towards the table a picking up her drink, taking a sip. "Oh and mom. I know a perfect song to play at our reception. It's great, really moving. It's by "the Police"--"  
  
  
Lily nearly chocked on her drink. As Grace continued, "I think it's called "Wrapped around your finger". Grace paused and looked at Lily. Distracted with other thoughts, Grace added ,"Well maybe. Or the DJ could just pick stuff". Lily smiled reassuringly back at Grace as Grace left the room. She clutched her chest because she had thought Grace was going to say another song and Lily started to laugh bringing her hands to her cheeks. Resolutely she left her books, her papers, her drink and went to find Rick.   
  
  
  
Eli was strumming his guitar and playing. An old song.  
  
  
  
~~"If it's lost, forget it found, it's me  
a vagabond with no address  
fire in the wilderness  
patience losing consciousness rapidly  
torn between what I can't see  
this picture you have of me  
Isn't much to look at we agree  
this light  
this rain  
this life  
this pain  
Let me walk down that road, cause you know I have to go  
You won't be there but even so everyone goes down that road  
And you know I have to go."~~  
  
  
  
Grace was brought up short. "I always liked that song."  
  
  
Eli stopped playing and looked up. He smiled, sadly in a way, because:  
  
"I know you did-- "  
  
  
"I gave you the 'patience' didn't I? I don't even remember--"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*****************************  
"I'm always running behind the times  
just like this train  
shaking into town while the brakes complain  
I used to count lovers like railroad cars  
I counted them on my side  
Lately I don't count on nothing  
I just let things slide  
The station master shut the cars, box cars are fading in the yard.  
Jealous lover will make you crazy  
If you can't find your goodness cause you lost your heart   
I went looking for a cause  
or a strong cat without claws  
or any reason to resume  
And I found this empty seat in this crowded waiting room"  
  
Joni Mitchell   
hmmm read it more than once, once and again in fact. There is a message :D Maybe a message about "Nothing". Hmm. Maybe. If Eli fans are half as dedicated as G/D fans I think you may understand the "nothing" reference or do I mean just not really "anything", (shucks I gave it all away, didn't I?) 


	28. Surely You Touched Mine

"Misunderstanding. How did it all unravel from her first days. Was it simply perspective. Surely what one sees provides what one knows. Surely those two things are not completely unrelated. The perspective for example on Gilbert's head that first day as he struggled with her zip was never again the same detached view. When she leaned to shove at a piece of shirt which Gilbert couldn't see but which was impinging his zipping efforts he watched her as he waited for the improvements."  
"Schooling", Heather McGowan  
  
Author's note. Chapter title is a lyric from Joni Mitchell's "A case of you". The final thought is courtesy of Carole King's "Way over yonder".   
  
SURELY YOU TOUCHED MINE  
  
"Happy Birthday Grace!", August had said just before he surprised her. And he had surprised her.   
  
Grace smiled back thinking about the week of all weeks. It seemed to have just occured and yet so very far away. Grace sat back on the couch and hugged her mug of Sleepytime. Finally it was all out in the open and it didn't have to be a secret anymore. Legality rocked in a way different from the norm of her reality, which had been up to this point an ignorance against convention and rules. Graduation was in a couple of weeks (well maybe more than a couple but the days were definitely in double digits range now..) and then? Then just seemed so beautiful. Yet far away. Grace smiled to herself. She scanned the VCR clock thinking August should be there anytime. Grace started to giggle, the prospect of sailing off with August following the cap and gown ceremony was too good to not look forward to. Alexa would freak as would all the other students when they saw him there at graduation. In the seats. As a special guest. Grace thought about August in a suit and tie. And when Grace would leave with his arm on her back because of course she wouldn't take him to the after party/dance. It didn't seem her and August would ever make it to any of the dances they planned.. until their wedding of course! But they had danced that once, and then a few times alone in his house.  
  
The doorbell rang and Grace flew off the couch dropping her Sleepytime tea hastily on the coffee table.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Well is this a switch or what--" August said as he entered through her front door and started to drop his bag and coat that he was carrying onto the entry way floor in a small pile.   
  
August checked out the room. Grace noticed, "Everyone is gone." And she quoted a line from a movie she sort of enjoyed, "Nobody here but us chickens."  
  
August laughed showing teeth. He ran his hand through his hair and walked into the living room. He leaned against the sofa arm.  
  
"So-- I saw Judy on the way here. She was walking down the street. I waved--"  
  
"You waved at Judy?" Grace asked mildly surprised.  
  
"Yeah. She was just walking along-" August moved his index and middle fingers in "walking motion". A wiggling inverted peace sign? He added, "I thought she looked a little lost."  
  
"You could have given her a lift, maybe she was trying to follow directions or something-- I mean, Judy's funny that way"   
  
"Well I wasn't about to stop. I was on my way to see you." August smiled at her shyly. He breathed in. He looked over to where a pile of movies were propped on top of the television and he went over to check out the selection. But it didn't matter really because he already had all he wanted without needing enhancement or anything at all. He glanced aside to Grace.   
  
"So where are Rick and Lily? Don't tell me they've possibly gone all dichotomous and made like peas and split off in shockingly different directions." Love the way he said "shockingly" like that was how he'd heard of flirting.   
  
"Rick out of town, and Mom's at work. The love festival of last weekend is thankfully over." Grace rolled her eyes.   
  
August smiled he wasn't big on seeing other people making out either. He'd honestly rather be participatory himself. Lily/Rick kissing had sort of disarmed Dimitri and made him feel uncomfortable in some way when he and Grace had caught her parents as it were near the butcher block the weekend prior. Although in general he was quite liberal when it came to witnessing pairing offs. August said "Hmmm" and ran his hand over the videos. He picked out "One Hour Photo" and said "Robin Williams freaks me out without even acting. So his creepy thing, it really sort of calms me. I find it mysteriously sedative like to contemplate Robin Williams."   
  
Grace had gone over to the front door and flipped the lock. "So Jessie, Eli, everybody really are pretty much gone for the day."  
  
August looked over at her assessing things briefly. "Oh." He laughed to himself "I hope he's not a method actor--"  
  
"Yeah.[Grace then heard the last comment] What?-- "  
  
August said "Zoe?"  
  
"She's at a really super timely sleepover. Working on some school project I think, environmental hot topics I think."  
  
"Environmental issues. Uh huh." August quoted, "They paved paradise and put up a parking lot." Grace blinked momentarily.  
  
Lily turning the key in the lock a few hours later came upon a scene that brought her up short. A favorite line "Grace and Dimitri in a state of undress." August ran his hand through his hair "Mrs Sammler--".  
  
"And the sweet taste in good life is so easily found  
way over yonder  
that's where I'm bound.   
I know when I get there  
the first thing I'll see  
is the sun shining golden  
shining right down on me.  
Then troubles gonna lose me  
worry leave me behind  
and I'll stand up proudly in true piece of mind.  
Talking bout a, talking bout way over yonder  
is a place I have seen  
in a garden of wisdom  
from some long ago dream." 


	29. Destiny Turned on the Television

"Which doesn't mean I won't miss you.", Mr. August Dimitri ("Experience is the Teacher" 4/1/02)  
  
Author's note: I'm actually pretty sad that this story will stop here. Really any one of the chapters could have been the ending& maybe some would have been more right ...but well today actually seems incredibly fitting for this story to end. Happy "Experience is the Teacher" day!! And to top things off with that whole "full circle" thing (I'm stopping at chapter 29..brilliant accident! since 1/29 is a day I'm remember all my life. aww) I haven't written any fiction in awhile, so this is really awkward, but hope it's okay. Please review either this chapter or the completed story. I really enjoyed writing this and even more so reading any comments. There are so many people I want to thank for, you know, things. And I think the biggest thing I've realized --I know , I know.."what did you realize?". That ...it's only love. Here is my short and sweet farewell. Fair thee well.  
  
DESTINY TURNED ON THE TELEVISION  
  
"'I have heard of flirting.'" Grace said. "I can't believe you don't remember that."  
  
"I didn't say I didn't say it, only that I really do believe my intentions were misconstrued. I'm an oblivious man."  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
"I kid you not," August pleaded only to lose his case. Inscrutableness evaporated for a moment in his eyes. August started looking for his sunglasses in the car.   
  
"So are you sure you want to do this. I mean you know, you don't have to--", Grace looked around, "I'd understand."  
  
"Hmm"  
  
"Okay."  
  
They were out of the car and August moved around to the passenger side. He put his arms around Grace. "But I do really really want to."  
  
Grace, "Okay". She let him kiss her neck, until she spotted her dad pulling into the parking lot of Upton farther away. She twisted and found August's hand, holding it. "There's my dad."  
  
August didn't say anything, but it seemed like he remembered Jake.  
  
"Mr. Manning." August tentatively shook his hand. Good grip.  
  
Jake thought about how odd it would be to sit next to this guy through the ceremony. At least he cleaned up okay with the haircut, Jake mused. Much less artsy that way. Actually Jake was coming to have emotions in the way of Dimitri.  
  
The graduation ceremony went smoothly. Mostly people didn't even notice Dimitri in the crowd, anyone in any position to know who he was anyway. Those who did gossiped from a removed distance. Because life often imitates art is a little true, he met Alexa after the ceremony.  
  
"Mr. Dimitri?"  
  
"Alexa."  
  
"Are you teaching, or--?", she wasn't sure what to say.  
  
"I'm here as a guest."  
  
"Oh. So you aren't staying long?", Alexa continued. She was thinking what could she say. "I mean it looks like people are starting to get ready to leave. Goodbyes and all that."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, it does."   
  
There was a pause.  
  
August looked at Alexa and then added, "What happened with your quiz on Grendel?"  
  
Alexa's thrown. "Grendel. Oh, I guess--"  
  
Dimitri, "So do you remember who you picked, Grendel or Beowulf--as being the more sympathetic character. I remember that was a question."  
  
Alexa actually did remember, "I picked Beowulf, right?"  
  
He nodded again (inscrutable), smiled and looked thoughtful. "'Grendel, Grendel! You make the world by whispers, second by second. Are you blind to that? Whether you make it a grave or a garden of roses is not the point. Feel the wall: is it not hard?'. Beowulf."  
  
It was sad to leave these kids behind, even the ones that hadn't played larger parts in his experience at the school. He didn't even know some of their names, but somehow they were familiar faces. It was always curious what people thought about, talked about, etc.  
  
Much too soon, Lily and Rick stood facing Grace and Dimitri, with paper cups of punch in their hands. Lily set down her drink. Grace had just finished telling them, on August's behalf, about his decision to send a few of the things he'd written out. A few poems, but also short stories. He wasn't sure what category his work would fit in at all. Grace whispered to Dimitri a moment, then left the group.   
  
Lily smiled, "I'm very happy for you. And -wow--I can't believe I'm saying this but, now I can't imagine our lives without you as a part of it all. It's hard to pin point when that happened."  
  
August looked at her. "Well I take some getting used to."  
  
Rick, "Don't say that". He didn't want him to be offended. They'd become friends.  
  
August "No no. What I mean is, thank you."  
  
He spotted Grace across the room talking with another student, and looked at her. August put down his paper cup and left the auditorium. He started to walk down the hall when he heard clicking, half runs with heels behind him. Grace. He turned around.   
  
"To close Act One. What do you think?", Mr. August Dimitri ("Destiny turns on the Radio.") 


End file.
